[Untouchable]

Ok, so I'm not sure if this belongs here, but the title of the section sounded right.

I have a toddler and a 1 month old. My PP apt is Oct 1st and that's when I was going to get on birth control. I'm not so sure that's a good idea right now. Hubby has been putting condoms on only to take them off 30 seconds later. I know, bad. Ive asked him to wear them so that I don't get pregnant again but for some reason he just wont wear them. I'm so scared I'm pregnant again!!! I've been having the typical pregnancy symptoms but I don't know if its just my mind playing tricks on me. I do BF but not all the time. So I know the BF BC method isnt working. AHHH!!! Another baby wouldn't be bad but I at least want my current two to be completely out of diapers and in school.

I have talked to a couple other people about this and they say that "Your husband isn't wearing a condom because he wants another baby" but every single time I ask him about it he says he wants to wait so why would he take this risk?!
What are your opinions on this whole situation?

 

[Hope1964]

Why are you letting him get away with that?? The second he takes it off you should be closing your legs. WTF?

Until you find out whether you're pg or not, STOP the second he unsheathes himself.

 

[Untouchable]

I let him get away with it because half the time I don't know if he has it on or not until we are done. I assume it's 30 seconds in because he always stops. I lot a bit of feeling in that region when I gave birth, not sure why but it happened. So if I had the normal feeling back I would be able to tell.

 

[Hope1964]

In that case, he'd be cut off completely till I knew.

That's an incredibly selfish thing for him to do, you know.

 

[Untouchable]

I know its selfish. Hes is never upfront with me about why he takes it off. Its very frustrating.
I have so many things that I want to get done in the next 5 years. I love kids and do want more, but I want to focus on the two I have and myself before I have more. I'd love to get my GED and go to school for something! I've told him this and he just shrugs it off like it doesn't matter. I am only 19, but he treats me like I'm a 5 year old that doesn't really know what I want. Ughhh... I just wish he would at least let me know if he was taking it off so that I could stop him or just be done.

 

[Hope1964]

Seriously, WHY are you having sex with this guy? It sounds like he has zero respect for you. He doesn't care at all about how you feel. Tell him to go whack off if he needs to blow a load without a condom that badly.

You're 19? Wow. You're setting yourself up for a life of hurt. If you were my daughter (mine is only 18) I'd be advising her to get the HELL out.

 

[Untouchable]

Oh my mother has!! She does not like my husband at all anymore. He is very rude and disrespectful to my family and expects me to do everything for him. ):

 

[turnera]

so why would he take this risk?!

Because he is a man and he thinks any birth control should be the woman's job? If you get pregnant, so what? Taking care of them is YOUR job not his; what difference does it make?

Sorry. Do I sound cynical? lol

 

[turnera]

I know its selfish. Hes is never upfront with me about why he takes it off. Its very frustrating.
I have so many things that I want to get done in the next 5 years. I love kids and do want more, but I want to focus on the two I have and myself before I have more. I'd love to get my GED and go to school for something! I've told him this and he just shrugs it off like it doesn't matter. I am only 19, but he treats me like I'm a 5 year old that doesn't really know what I want. Ughhh... I just wish he would at least let me know if he was taking it off so that I could stop him or just be done.

Ok, now I'm not kidding any more.

There is NO WAY IN HELL you should be having sex with him right now.

And I suggest you find a therapist you can afford and start visiting her. Let her help you up.

 

[turnera]

First thing you do is STOP DOING ANYTHING FOR HIM. Ok?

YOU just had a baby. He should be bending over backwards for YOU.

Try saying no to just ONE THING tomorrow, ok?

 

[sharkeey]

I let him get away with it because half the time I don't know if he has it on or not until we are done. I assume it's 30 seconds in because he always stops. I lot a bit of feeling in that region when I gave birth, not sure why but it happened. So if I had the normal feeling back I would be able to tell.

When he stops, you stop. Look at his penis. If there's no condom there, you know he took it off. At which point you get up, get out of bed, get dressed, and get out of bed and leave the room without saying another word.

I know, you're wondering why you didn't think of this yourself, that's ok.

 

[turnera]

How long have you been with him?

What were your mother's dreams for you?

 

[FirstYearDown]

I wonder why you are already married with children at such a young age.

 

[Untouchable]

Because he is a man and he thinks any birth control should be the woman's job? If you get pregnant, so what? Taking care of them is YOUR job not his; what difference does it make?

Sorry. Do I sound cynical? lol

In his eyes, everything is a womans job. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, I do get occasional help from him. So it probably doesn't matter if I do get pregnant again to him.

 

[turnera]

You're in the US, right? Have you looked up the social services you have access to in your state? Have you considered letting him go and focusing on you and your kids and getting your education?

What you describe, at your age, is not good, Untouchable. It's not a smart choice to make. You can do better.

 

[turnera]

OH, and in the meantime, pick ONE THING that you will no longer do for him. When I asked my husband to pick up just ONE chore, so I didn't have to carry it all on my shoulders, he refused.

So I sat and thought about it a few days. And then I just stopped washing his clothes. No skin off MY back, if his clothes were washed or not - I didn't have to wear them.

When he finally ran out of clean clothes and tried to yell at me for it, I just shrugged and said "You SAID you couldn't be bothered to help me, in this house where I take care of you. So I had to lessen the load, and your clothes were the logical choice."

He started doing things around the house that same day. So I started washing his clothes again.

You TEACH people how to treat you. Teach him to respect you. Stop being his doormat.

 

[Untouchable]

OH, and in the meantime, pick ONE THING that you will no longer do for him. When I asked my husband to pick up just ONE chore, so I didn't have to carry it all on my shoulders, he refused.

Well, I did that... Didnt turn out too well. He threw a tantrum like a 2 year old when I asked him to finish the dishes. It wasnt even a full load.

I asked him to help me pick up the living room, too. He said its not dirty, but he had his jeans and boots, a pair of shorts, a tshirt, a pair of socks and another pair of shoes on the floor... and he refused to even pick up HIS stuff so I kicked it into a pile and it's still there. I'm not going to wash his clothes anymore, which will make him mad but jeeze! How am I supposed to do EVERYTHING around the house AND take care of 2 kids while running on 2 hours of sleep a night? He acted yesterday like it's nothing hard and I'm just acting like its hard. Oh boy...

 

[that_girl]

After one month, I was still bleeding from birth, but I had rolled in to a period at about 6 weeks PP.

Your "pregnancy" symptoms could just be left over HCG in your blood stream...it stays for a while.

Your husband is inconsiderate. He isn't respecting your requests. He'd be cut off from sex in this house.

 

[turnera]

when I asked him to finish the dishes.

I asked him to help me pick up the living room, too.

Do you see where you went wrong?

You asked him because you're a girl and he's a guy. Stop doing that. You may look at him like he's working so you owe him something.

Well, HE owes YOU something by you allowing him to have you in his life.

You don't ASK him more than once. When he refuses, or acts like a 3 year old, you TAKE AWAY THE CONTROL FROM HIM.

You pick something - like his clothes - that don't matter to you, and you stop doing it. If he leaves his clothes in a pile, you can pick them up after awhile - and throw them all outside. Then he will either have to pick them up himself, or go without.

Now, I'm not saying to instigate something. Be smart about it. But keep communicating to him that you will NOT be his mother or his maid. Make it clear why you're not doing it, how he OWES you to help, and you won't accept less.

 

[turnera]

He isn't respecting your requests. He'd be cut off from sex in this house.

Hell YES, he would be cut off!

Please remember your body is YOURS. You don't have to do anything you don't want to, no matter how he pushes you. I suspect that's why you've ended up with 2 kids by now.

Learn to say no.