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Two months ago my wife asked for a seperation that lasted all of four days before she asked me to come home. After returning things seemed improved and I tried hard to work on the issues she said led to her wanting a seperation. Admittedly I sometimes drank too much at the house on weekend nights and slept late on sundays when I should be up going to church with her and my four year old daughter. I never neglected my family though, I have always been an attentive husband and father and would go to the ends of the earth to make them both happy.
Shortly after my return home I saw a few text messages from a man my wife used to date in highschool that seemed innocent enough. Him telling her to check out some pics on FB he posted etc.. I told her I wasnt very comfortable with the contact but didn't make a huge deal of it and life went on. She claimed to be very happy again but over the next few weeks things started slowly going down hill. She made excuses to come home late, did her best to avoid me, and was very cold to me.
Finally I confronted her and she told me she was unhappy and wanted to divorce. No seperation talk at all.. strictly divorce. said she loved me but wasnt in love, wanted us both to be happy etc.. I offered to go to counseling, change what bothered her, you name it and I suggested it, but she was adamant about divorce. She swore it had nothing to do with another man.. just her pursuing her happiness. The following weekend she made plans to stay at her mom's and have some time away from me. On friday night she took my daughter to her moms and spent the night. Saturday we met so I could pick up my daughter and she could return to her mothers for the weekend.
After picking my little girl up I asked her If she had fun at grandmas and asked what they did and she told me mommy had picked up a "friend" and took him to grandma's house with them. I had a strong feeling it might be the old flame that had been texting so when we got home i pulled his facebook page up on the p.c. in the living room and left it open. when my little girl walked in the living room she took one look and said "Thats him Daddy.. Thats mommy's friend that we picked up."
When she returned home I confronted her and said I had proof that she spent the weekend with another man and was insane enough to involve my child in it. She didn't admit or deny anything she just sat there mute and cried. I packed my things and left the house and demanded she keep the OM away from my daughter while we went through divorce and made arrangements about custody and support.
I've been gone for almost a month now and have been keeping my daughter a few days a week and most weekends. The OM is still seeing my wife but she seems to be respecting my wishes about bringing him around my daughter. She acts as if she has every intention of divorcing but has yet to file. The few times I have met with her to pick my kid up she always starts crying. Not sure if its remorse or what. She's still continuing on with the OM so I dont understand. She also suggested we try to do things together occasionally for my daughters sake because we have yet to try to explain to her what is going on.. I told my ltittle girl I was working alot and had to stay somewhere else for a while and she would be visiting me there. And the frequency of my wifes calls and txt mssgs has been increasing when the OM isnt around but when I have my daughter and my stbxw is free to do as she pleases I dont hear fom her. Sometimes she will even skip calling my daughter on my nights or ignore her calls and say she couldn't talk.
I now plan on filing the divorce myself but wanted to sit and talk with her first to try to work out as many details as possible concerning visitation, support, and finances. Stbxw also said she thought we could get these things resolved without getting the courts involved too much because niether of us currently have money for filing costs etc. She definitely doesn't seem in a rush to have this talk though. Is she fence sitting or is she just too involved in her romance to focus on anything else?
I apologize for writing a book I just dont know how to feel or what to think about my life unraveling over the last month. there are lots more details so feel free to ask. I would like opinions, suggestions, advice... anything. I know alot of you have been through some of what im going through and I just want to know if I will ever feel ok again. I realize I deserve someone who loves and respects me as much as I do them but I truly thought she was the one and now she is a selfish stranger.
1. stbxw is 25yrs old I am 34
2. child is 4 yrs old and has always been around both parents.. how do we explain this to her? she already cries when I tell her I can't come home with her.
3. There are other men that have less than innocent intentions in ww's life that she has rekindled friendships with since i left but the other man still seems to be priority number one,
4. stbxw has some drug issues/ maybe addictions
5. OM has a pretty recent criminal background and is rumored to be involved with aryan brotherhood and motorcycle gangs.
6.ww doesn't deny involvement with OM anymore
7. I still havent seperated bank accts. with her yet due to outstanding bills in the home we shared. but she has definitely been spending money from acct while with OM.
8. She acts as if she wants to end this amicably for the sake of our child and since we have to deal with each other for the next however many years.. Is her lack of urgency fence sitting/ cake eating? Am I just an extra source of income to finance her continuing affair? I'm sure there is tons i have left out but I will post if I think of anything else.. I also have stopped all drinking and been trying to focus on my health and physical/mental wellness for my sake and my daughters.
Thanks again for any responses good or bad.
Shortly after my return home I saw a few text messages from a man my wife used to date in highschool that seemed innocent enough. Him telling her to check out some pics on FB he posted etc.. I told her I wasnt very comfortable with the contact but didn't make a huge deal of it and life went on. She claimed to be very happy again but over the next few weeks things started slowly going down hill. She made excuses to come home late, did her best to avoid me, and was very cold to me.
Finally I confronted her and she told me she was unhappy and wanted to divorce. No seperation talk at all.. strictly divorce. said she loved me but wasnt in love, wanted us both to be happy etc.. I offered to go to counseling, change what bothered her, you name it and I suggested it, but she was adamant about divorce. She swore it had nothing to do with another man.. just her pursuing her happiness. The following weekend she made plans to stay at her mom's and have some time away from me. On friday night she took my daughter to her moms and spent the night. Saturday we met so I could pick up my daughter and she could return to her mothers for the weekend.
After picking my little girl up I asked her If she had fun at grandmas and asked what they did and she told me mommy had picked up a "friend" and took him to grandma's house with them. I had a strong feeling it might be the old flame that had been texting so when we got home i pulled his facebook page up on the p.c. in the living room and left it open. when my little girl walked in the living room she took one look and said "Thats him Daddy.. Thats mommy's friend that we picked up."
When she returned home I confronted her and said I had proof that she spent the weekend with another man and was insane enough to involve my child in it. She didn't admit or deny anything she just sat there mute and cried. I packed my things and left the house and demanded she keep the OM away from my daughter while we went through divorce and made arrangements about custody and support.
I've been gone for almost a month now and have been keeping my daughter a few days a week and most weekends. The OM is still seeing my wife but she seems to be respecting my wishes about bringing him around my daughter. She acts as if she has every intention of divorcing but has yet to file. The few times I have met with her to pick my kid up she always starts crying. Not sure if its remorse or what. She's still continuing on with the OM so I dont understand. She also suggested we try to do things together occasionally for my daughters sake because we have yet to try to explain to her what is going on.. I told my ltittle girl I was working alot and had to stay somewhere else for a while and she would be visiting me there. And the frequency of my wifes calls and txt mssgs has been increasing when the OM isnt around but when I have my daughter and my stbxw is free to do as she pleases I dont hear fom her. Sometimes she will even skip calling my daughter on my nights or ignore her calls and say she couldn't talk.
I now plan on filing the divorce myself but wanted to sit and talk with her first to try to work out as many details as possible concerning visitation, support, and finances. Stbxw also said she thought we could get these things resolved without getting the courts involved too much because niether of us currently have money for filing costs etc. She definitely doesn't seem in a rush to have this talk though. Is she fence sitting or is she just too involved in her romance to focus on anything else?
I apologize for writing a book I just dont know how to feel or what to think about my life unraveling over the last month. there are lots more details so feel free to ask. I would like opinions, suggestions, advice... anything. I know alot of you have been through some of what im going through and I just want to know if I will ever feel ok again. I realize I deserve someone who loves and respects me as much as I do them but I truly thought she was the one and now she is a selfish stranger.
1. stbxw is 25yrs old I am 34
2. child is 4 yrs old and has always been around both parents.. how do we explain this to her? she already cries when I tell her I can't come home with her.
3. There are other men that have less than innocent intentions in ww's life that she has rekindled friendships with since i left but the other man still seems to be priority number one,
4. stbxw has some drug issues/ maybe addictions
5. OM has a pretty recent criminal background and is rumored to be involved with aryan brotherhood and motorcycle gangs.
6.ww doesn't deny involvement with OM anymore
7. I still havent seperated bank accts. with her yet due to outstanding bills in the home we shared. but she has definitely been spending money from acct while with OM.
8. She acts as if she wants to end this amicably for the sake of our child and since we have to deal with each other for the next however many years.. Is her lack of urgency fence sitting/ cake eating? Am I just an extra source of income to finance her continuing affair? I'm sure there is tons i have left out but I will post if I think of anything else.. I also have stopped all drinking and been trying to focus on my health and physical/mental wellness for my sake and my daughters.
Thanks again for any responses good or bad.