If I love him wouldn’t I just let him be who he is and do things the way he needs to do them?
It’s funny you say I would just be #3. His mom said those exact words to me.
The answer to your question is No. Loving someone doesn't mean you give up your life for them, surrendering your wants and needs. In marriage you are partners. Equals.
Couldn't the same be said of him? If he loved you he should fix his drama.
He is the way he is. He won't change his core personality. He is not bad. He's just himself.
If you married he you would struggle for money as a couple while he overpays his ex. Over paying her cheats not only him but YOU too if you are married.
Trust his mother. She has known him longer than you.
Yes, it sucks. You do love him and it hurts you two are not compatible. But NEVER make the mistake of thinking the breakup is your fault.