I am very confused right now and could use some help. Here is our background info. At 17 I got pregnant with our oldest son, my now husband is Military and deployed while I was pregnant. While he was gone he was vebally abusive. He came back when our son was 4months old and started having flashbacks and was drinking a lot. I do know this is somewhat normal when coming back from deployment. But 4months later I got pregnant with our 2nd child, during that time my father in law and my husband were constantly yelling, drinking, and getting very physical with each other. They have never had a good relationship and his dad was verbally abusive his whole childhood. To make a long story short, We got married during my 2nd pregnancy. We ended up having alot of complications and we lost the baby during delivery...2weeks later my father in law committed suicide and a few months later his best friend also committed suicide. And ever since then the verbal abuse that my husband put me through has gotten ALOT worse...and has sometimes turned physical. He is still active duty military, he has gone to get help, has been on meds, but never sticks to anything. It always gets worse when he's drinking...It hasnt happened in a while but this weekend he had another episode...our 3yr old saw it, and just stood there with his hands over his ears listening to my husband yell at me. It broke my heart. I am scared that if I leave I will be doing more damage to my son than if I stay...and I'm worried that if I leave my husband might hurt himself due to what happened with his father...but I also know that if I didn't have children with him that I would have been gone a long time ago. I do love him with all my heart and we have been through so much together at such a young age (I'm now 21 and he's 24, been married almost 3 yrs) but I am just done with it...I really don't think he will ever change and when I told him I wanted to go to marriage counceling he said that I blindsided him and that things really werent that bad. Please any advice or just encouraging words is greatly appreciated. I'm usually so put together and calm...but I just feel so lost right now.