@Morven,
In 57 days and a wake up, I'm going to be marrying my former-military fiance. My son was in the service. All the "menfolk" in my family served. So I've been in your shoes AND I even also had an online affair with someone I met in a game. I am proud to say that I am a FORMER wayward spouse, and I worked hard to earn that "Former" title!
May I give you a few suggestions/tips/recommendations that helped me?
First, for the times when you are apart, one thing that really does help me that is silly as can be but also makes it a little more tolerable is doing what I did above: a countdown. I ALWAYS count one less day and then say "XX days and a wake up until you're home!" and that way it just seems/feels a little closer and not so hard to bear. I do a countdown on the calendar on my wall, on the online calendar, and everywhere that I can see, so that I am constantly and continuously reminded of two things: 1) it's not that far off, and 2) I can do this. ["For the man I love, I can wait ANY amount of time! 57 days? No problem...I got this."] Also doing a countdown makes him always on your mind and seem closer.
The next thing I do is that I write to him every single day. I write about all the dumb, stupid, day-to-day stuff that happens...not necessarily "I got up and then I brushed my teeth..." but that silly stuff you'd share if they were there, like "Oh my God, honey I have to tell you about the funny thing that happened today with the toothpaste! We have that Colgate, right? And it is just awful stuff--I grabbed the old style mint on accident and it tastes like putty! Anyway, so I'm trying to use up the tube and I thought I'd paste all the way along my toothbrush (instead of just that little pea size I usually do), and OH MY GOSH, I squeezed too hard and it flew EVERYWHERE! It was a like a toothpaste explosion and now I have have nuclear toothpaste fallout all over the bathroom! Then I went to try to clean it and I thought "I'm gonna need a toothbrush to get that paste out of the tiles" and I about died laughing at using a toothbrush to get toothpaste off the floor! Good heavens, life here in the states just isn't the same without you here to laugh at my goofs."
Now, sometimes they can get teased if the mail comes and they get 14 letters (you know--one for every day since the last mail call), sooo...if that's the case you don't want to make his life harder. Just send one bigger envelope with 14 one-page letters so he doesn't get grilled by the other guys. But my own personal suggestion? Make him the envy of all the other guys. Make him the one who gets the love letters every soldier wants to get from home. Let him KNOW you miss him and love him-and-only-him. Right? If you are doing that every day and focusing on making him the envy of all the other guys (who's GFs and wives aren't even CLOSE to being as devoted as you are), then guess what? Your mind is on him and not on being lonely or on any other man.
Regarding your OM--here's my recommendation:
utterly and completely in every possible way go no contact with him right now...today. I mean, delete him from every possible social media, from email, from contact lists...everywhere. If you have to, delete the social media altogether! When I had my EA, I took some time afterward and blocked him on email, deleted the chat we had used to chat (like...deleted the whole program and didn't use it at all), deleted my account on FB, and purposefully pointed my computer screen at my Dear Hubby so he could see every single thing I did on the computer. I was only on for work purposes, and otherwise I turned it off. Everyone who was a friend or acquaintance of the OM and I as a couple, I also blocked and deleted. I utterly deleted the game altogether and no longer played it. And thus, by every means possible including hearing about him from other people ("friends" in game, or photos on FB...) I went no contact.
The first week or two will be the hardest, as you will crave the uplifting "zing" you felt when you might see him in the game or hear from him...and the honest truth is that you are just going to have to gut it out. It's somewhat like going cold turkey--but just know it's coming and push on through. If you are tempted to contact, put it off for 15 minutes and then 15 minutes more and then 15 more minutes...until you can go an hour at a time, then a couple hours, then a day, a week, a month and so on. It will be hardest at first, but if you stick with it, he will gradually diminish from your thoughts. BUT don't just diminish him! While you are diminishing the thoughts of the OM, simultaneously increase thoughts of your hubby! When your mind wanders to OM ... take a moment right then to think
STOP!!
And then replace that thought with one good thought of your hubs. Like, if your mind wanders to "I wonder what OM is doing right now?" Think to yourself "STOP!! I don't want to think of him. I want to think of the man I'm married to. Okay...I wonder what hubby is doing right now. I wonder if he's tired, or sleeping, or thinking of me? Let's see...what time of day is it over there? (pull out a time converter app) 2pm here...8am over there... Oh he's been away for 4 hours already! I wonder if he got coffee?" etc.
See how you don't just stop one thought but start another? AND don't just think of being apart, but rather, think of positive things or things you might share or things you LIKE about your hubs. Replace negative thoughts of hubby (right now, hubs=feeling lonely) with POSITIVE thoughts of hubby (hubs=joking over coffee.... or hubs=kissing my nose). Get it?