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I discovered about a month and a half ago that my husband has been cheating on me for our entire 5 year relationship. (Married 1.5 years). I am 5 months pregnant.
I discovered live-chat sex in his computer history and had previously known about email sex and love conversations with several ex-girlfriends. This induced our conversation. When he got home I asked him if there was anything he needed to tell me. He revealed the emotional relationships with the exes, the porn use, the online live sex, visits to strip clubs and 1 lap dance, 2 visits to massage parlours for a 'happy ending' and admitted that he thought about calling on prostitutes.
Stupidly, trusting that he was telling me the full truth, we both started going to therapy (individually) and 12 step programs separately. He is a sex addict and sincerely appears to want help for this disease.
But something didn't feel right... Last Sunday, while I had him in the car for a 2 hour road trip, I started asking more questions. Over and over, until he started revealing more. Skype relationships that were getting out of hand with chat-room strangers. Making plans to meet them in person. More massage encounters, lap dances with hand-jobs...
He looked me right in the eye and said that was everything. He said he had been fully honest. He felt so much better.
Of course, it still didn't feel right. I kept asking questions. I asked him to write out a full confession of the truth so that I could know what I was being asked to accept and forgive. He wrote me a sugar-coated partial list.
Each day this week, he has revealed more to me. Turns out there has been upwards of 20 lap dances and massages with hand-jobs and "body slides", a relationship with a stripper, picking up girls when out of town for work, several blow-jobs at prostitutes' apartments and so it goes. He still insists that he never had intercourse. I don't believe him. (like, duh!!).
He has put me and my child in danger through his actions. He has spent thousands on prostitutes and the like. And what feels like the worst part of all, is that he lies over and over and over about it. I ask him the same questions dozens of times and he lies. Then later he admits it.
Strangest part about this whole thing is that before this came out, we had the most wonderful, fulfilling relationship... This child was planned and we were both so excited to have seen our love grow so much that it became a whole other person! We had tons of intimacy, cuddles, love, kisses and support. Did everything together and loved our time together. We have lots of friends and happy family lives. Everyone adores him and really think's he is the nicest guy on the planet. He has fooled everyone. Myself included.
At times, sex would become infrequent, but he blamed it on his low sex drive and getting older. Now I know it's because of his affairs. He was so tired from his escapades that he couldn't perform for me. I had to squelch my sexual desires as I was always a very eager and willing participant.
I told him in the early stages of discovery that I would give him 1 chance to change. Become "sober" and to show me that this marriage is what he wants and is capable of becoming faithful to. I'm debating leaving anyways because of all of the lying.
I love him terribly and want to be a woman of my word in spite of his bu** sh**.
How can I get him to tell me the full truth and how will I know when he has done it?
Does anyone have happy stories of sex addict recovery?
Thanks :)
:confused:
 

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You will never know if you know the whole truth. No BS ever knows.
We just have to make the best choices we can with what we do know.

Your husband has cheated and lied to you your entire relationship.
The person you think you knew, never existed.

How much more do you need to know to make a decision?
 

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Stupidly, trusting that he was telling me the full truth, we both started going to therapy (individually) and 12 step programs separately. He is a sex addict and sincerely appears to want help for this disease.
What kind of IC he's getting. He needs specialized threapy, a CSAT.
A experienced CSAT will help him to prepare a full disclosure.
He has put me and my child in danger through his actions. He has spent thousands on prostitutes and the like.
What kind of self protective measures have to taken so far?
At times, sex would become infrequent, but he blamed it on his low sex drive and getting older. Now I know it's because of his affairs. He was so tired from his escapades that he couldn't perform for me. I had to squelch my sexual desires as I was always a very eager and willing participant.
He's not too tired. He's avoiding real intimacy. It's what sexual adiction is about. Educate yourself. If you get also a CSAt he/she will help you better.
Have you read any iof the most recomended books about SA?
Does anyone have happy stories of sex addict recovery?
We have a member here (Hope.. something) who's husband is a sex addict. They are happily reconciling, her signature has links to tons of resources.

Check your inbox, you have a PM.
 
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