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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do any of you have issues of trust after you agreed to R?

I'm finding I still question her day to day attitude, check phone logs online, and an overall uncertainty.

She has her iPhone locked, which she states is due to work.

In this case I found a few phone #'s in the logs, one she texted at 5:20am. Then had incoming/outgoing calls to it 7 times one morning between 8-9am. Then no further contact with # since. I typed it into her phone one morning, since she forgot to lock it, but nothing showed up as one of her contacts.

I'm trying to let it go, and do 180. Also reading NMMNG. It's been tough.
 

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Do any of you have issues of trust after you agreed to R?

I'm finding I still question her day to day attitude, check phone logs online, and an overall uncertainty.

She has her iPhone locked, which she states is due to work.

In this case I found a few phone #'s in the logs, one she texted at 5:20am. Then had incoming/outgoing calls to it 7 times one morning between 8-9am. Then no further contact with # since. I typed it into her phone one morning, since she forgot to lock it, but nothing showed up as one of her contacts.

I'm trying to let it go, and do 180. Also reading NMMNG. It's been tough.
Almost 3 years in R for me and I wonder everyday if I can trust him again. I analyze every situation until Im going crazy. Things can be going good for a few days and all it takes is ONE thing to set me back and wonder what Im doing or why Im doing it.

It never leaves you, maybe it lessens in time but it never goes away! Its a horrible way to live!
 

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Do any of you have issues of trust after you agreed to R?

I'm finding I still question her day to day attitude, check phone logs online, and an overall uncertainty.

She has her iPhone locked, which she states is due to work.

In this case I found a few phone #'s in the logs, one she texted at 5:20am. Then had incoming/outgoing calls to it 7 times one morning between 8-9am. Then no further contact with # since. I typed it into her phone one morning, since she forgot to lock it, but nothing showed up as one of her contacts.

I'm trying to let it go, and do 180. Also reading NMMNG. It's been tough.
It's so tough. I still check stuff sometimes (over a year later), but I, and you, have every right to feel that way.

Regarding that phone number, go to Intellius or Spokeo and reverse look up that thing. If it doesn't find the name, pay the $5 to get it. It will give you peace of mind one way or another.
 

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Do any of you have issues of trust after you agreed to R?

I'm finding I still question her day to day attitude, check phone logs online, and an overall uncertainty.

She has her iPhone locked, which she states is due to work.

In this case I found a few phone #'s in the logs, one she texted at 5:20am. Then had incoming/outgoing calls to it 7 times one morning between 8-9am. Then no further contact with # since. I typed it into her phone one morning, since she forgot to lock it, but nothing showed up as one of her contacts.

I'm trying to let it go, and do 180. Also reading NMMNG. It's been tough.
The trust doesn't come back, the pain doesn't go away and they never pay for their crime.

In your above case, why don't you just ask her. It's OK to let her know you still have trust issues. Transparency is a requirement for "R" and now she has to be transparent.
 

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Do any of you have issues of trust after you agreed to R?

I'm finding I still question her day to day attitude, check phone logs online, and an overall uncertainty.

She has her iPhone locked, which she states is due to work.

In this case I found a few phone #'s in the logs, one she texted at 5:20am. Then had incoming/outgoing calls to it 7 times one morning between 8-9am. Then no further contact with # since. I typed it into her phone one morning, since she forgot to lock it, but nothing showed up as one of her contacts.

I'm trying to let it go, and do 180. Also reading NMMNG. It's been tough.
Trust can be MOSTLY earned back in R after a few years of total transparency.

Your wife isn't being transparent. If she wants R, she needs to give you the passcode to her phone. Period.

R isn't about trusting your WS again, it's them EARNING trust back. How do you earn trust AFTER you've betrayed it, by constantly showing the BS what you're up to in full detail. If a WS doesn't do that, trust will NEVER be rebuilt.
 

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And do you have the complete details of her affair ? How did you confirm it ?


And based on your older posts you seem to have rug swept her whole affair.. I am concerned that you were trickle truther
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
And do you have the complete details of her affair ? How did you confirm it ?


And based on your older posts you seem to have rug swept her whole affair.. I am concerned that you were trickle truther
I hate to say it, but I feel that I did let it go too easily.

As mentioned in other posts, all she says they did was kiss. Like that makes it any better than sex!
 

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THere is a website called spydialer you can use to help fish out what that number is.

Been where you are, done what you are doing, yeah it sucks.

It sort of passes. Like some days I might see something and not care, other days I might see the same thing and it turns into a massive trigger with an anxiety attack.

Stick with NMMNG. It helps you focus on you. If you aren't so focused on her, a lot of this pain goes away.

NMMNG also helps you come to terms with living in an imperfect world and co-existing with your anxeity.
 

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Her locked phone is a big red flag!
I can't even begin to understand how you are allowing it when you are supposed to be in R.
Complete transparency is required. If she's not giving it, then she's hiding something!
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I hate to say it, but I feel that I did let it go too easily.

As mentioned in other posts, all she says they did was kiss. Like that makes it any better than sex!
She's rug sweeping and minimising her actions!
That's why you don't trust her.
You only begin to heal and start trusting again when the WS owns their crap and is prepared to face the consequences.
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Nope. Still don't trust him. But what the hell is one to do when trying to R. I do not check up on him as much, but the attitude thing really is a trigger for me. I am always on alert if he is not happy then I feel that I am doing something wrong or that he has relapsed.
 

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I am over 20 years out from my wife's EA (don't even think the term was coined at that time) and I will never trust her unconditionally as I did before it happened. I trust her more than I trust anyone else, but total trust is something that is never regained - at least for me.

Plus from what you have said you are not in R, she is still being secretive and hiding things. Probably still lying to you.

Don't worry about trust her at the moment.

In your situation a lot of distrust is your friend.
 

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Do any of you have issues of trust after you agreed to R?

I'm finding I still question her day to day attitude, check phone logs online, and an overall uncertainty.

She has her iPhone locked, which she states is due to work.
In this case I found a few phone #'s in the logs, one she texted at 5:20am. Then had incoming/outgoing calls to it 7 times one morning between 8-9am. Then no further contact with # since. I typed it into her phone one morning, since she forgot to lock it, but nothing showed up as one of her contacts.

I'm trying to let it go, and do 180. Also reading NMMNG. It's been tough.
What nonsense. Does she work for the government and have some sort of security clearance? My H also has his phone passworded, but I know the password and he hands the phone over whenever I ask (and I check it whenever I feel like). Guess what? You stop thinking about checking when you can check whenever you want. That's when they have earned (some) of your trust back!

Also--what phone service does she have? We have Verizon and I thought my H's phone was on a work account, turns out they just pay him a subsidy in the paycheck. His phone is his (it has their software, but he pays the bill). So I went online and created an online Verizon account for it. Turns out all that took was his work email address because no account had been set up before online for the phone (no password, nothing!). It would send an email to her account that it had been set up, but if you do it overnight (when she's asleep) you'll have read everything in that account before she sees the email.
 

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Lawdy lawd!

She has her iPhone locked, which she states is due to work.
Wat.

In this case I found a few phone #'s in the logs, one she texted at 5:20am. Then had incoming/outgoing calls to it 7 times one morning between 8-9am. Then no further contact with # since. I typed it into her phone one morning, since she forgot to lock it, but nothing showed up as one of her contacts.
Can you connect the dots, or do you need help?

 
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