Ok everyone this is my first time on here and my first post so please bare with me. its almost been year when i found out that my boyfriend was spending time with someone else (as he called it). I was 6-7 months pregnant with my first child his 2nd. He dj's on the side just for fun has been doing it for almost 13 years now. He started going out every night leaving me at home. Thats kinda where the problem started. He doesnt have a good track record with his past girlfriends (cheated on most of them) I should have known from the beginning that I wouldnt be any different but there was just something about us. I actually liked myself around him and to tell you the truth he made me a nicer a person. I wasnt so mad at the world. Well about last july I found an instant message between him and this other girl (ill call her mary) pretty much saying how she wanted him to call her because she missed her voice and was drooling over his pictures. I ended up leaving for the night but he talked me into staying with him. saying that if he was ever going to cheat on me that he would do it so that I wouldnt even know. I asked him about the message and he said thats how he bull****s with his friend. Well after that, thats when he started going out more often doing more dj gigs, me not being able to get ahold of him how i did before. He would leave for weekend for a "dj gig" and some how he phone got lost or it was dead from not charging it. He even went to vegas with her. told me he was going for a dj gig and getting paid $500 for doing. Well come to to find out that was all a damn lie as well. I started to do some snooping and found a confirmation from 1-800-flowers for flowers that he had sent to her work with a card that said "I miss you" when I confronted him about it he said it was for her b-day, then it was because her friend had just passed and then back to it was for her b-day. Well after finding this I packed my things and moved back to my parents house. I was able to contact her and told her all about me and how I was pregnant with his child. They stopped talking after that. Months went by and needless to say I'm back with him. He has changed A LOT since then. doesnt go out unless we can find a babysitter to watch our child so that I can go as well. he knows that he messed up BIG time and has done everything under the sun to prove to me that it wont happen again, but i still cant get over it. I still cant get passed me hurt feelings to start new with him. I do love him and want to work this out but its like a roller coaster now. We have our days where were really good and then all of sudden my feelings come back and all hell breaks loose. I will admit I do throw it in his face. Like someone will text or call him and I will say "who is that your other girlfriend." Its almost like i want him to hurt as bad as i do and the only thing i can think of his to throw it back in his face that he screwed up. i know this isnt healthy for him, me or our baby but I just cant seem to let go or even know where to start to try and make things work between us. When we have our good days we were awesome together but lately its been more bad days then good. We went 3 days this week that were absolutely AWESOME, then all of sudden I went and threw it in his face about everything he did. I hope this makes sense to some of you I not one for going back and reading what I wrote I just type and type.