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11 Posts
So we have been together 5 years, married for 1. We are both young and haven't lived on our own really, we have lived together since I was old enough to move out. I admittedly have had little in the realm of learning to pay my own way, but I work full time, pay my own bills and contribute to the household... Here is the background for the issue...
My husband grew up with a father who controlled ALL the money and gave his wife an allowance to buy food and sustenance for the children as he worked out and she was "Just a stay at home mom..." He grew up poor, but never went without. He asks for nothing, wants for very little and is obssessed with saving money and having control with money. He feels the need to work, work, work to have money, even if he does NOTHING with it; he needs to have a certain balance to feel like a man; I get that, it's common. Debt to him is bad; and no debt is good; my student loan.. what a waste of money; a mortgage.. doesn't want to spend over 300,000 for 10 plus acres of land, a large shop and not old house.
My background is that I was born to 2 very young parents who scraped by on the bare minimum with a dad out of work from a massive injury and a mother who was putting herself through university. I wasn't poor, but I wasn't well off. As I grew up the mentality of money in my family is to not get attached to it as money is simply an exchange for goods in life for needs and wants.. it is earned and it is spent... it always comes and goes. There is not anxiety attached to it... it holds not a lot of meaning for me other than I need X amount of dollars to do the things I want and to pay for the life I have. I believe if I am paying my bills and we are not going without that I can do whatever the hell I want with my spare cash after savings and emergency funds and such....
Money in our marriage... my husband has ALL the bills in his name, the rent is an under the table kind of deal with is father who owns the house, and he said he can't be bothered to change the bills to our joint account until we get our own house. I am angered by this fact and have voiced it many times.. it has gone nowhere... I have offered to pay him percentages of what is coming in every month, he wants me to keep my money to pay off my debt... my loan will be eradicated in 8 months or less and I will be debt free. We have excellent Credit scores.. no children, great paying jobs... we are pre-approved for a VERY good mortgage... he seems to have his head up his ass when it comes to the price of owning a home, and is very cheap. I have been looking for over a year for a home to own... no such luck, he is very unwilling. He also plans to ask for a down payment from his father if we need it.. I am uncomfortable with this because I do not like the mentality his father has with money and I don't trust his father, not when it comes to our personal affairs.
My husband treats me like I am an immature, irresponsible brat when it comes to money and I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect, i do spend money when it is not needed on things I don't need. He almost NEVER spends his hard earned money and therefore resents me... I can't change that, we just have different values. I have cut back on my spending, I work more, but I am not afraid to spend my money, especially if my bills are paid, even when things are tight. We are married but our financial life isn't married... I am desperately looking for advice on how to amalgamate our lives together in this area, please.. anyone?
My husband grew up with a father who controlled ALL the money and gave his wife an allowance to buy food and sustenance for the children as he worked out and she was "Just a stay at home mom..." He grew up poor, but never went without. He asks for nothing, wants for very little and is obssessed with saving money and having control with money. He feels the need to work, work, work to have money, even if he does NOTHING with it; he needs to have a certain balance to feel like a man; I get that, it's common. Debt to him is bad; and no debt is good; my student loan.. what a waste of money; a mortgage.. doesn't want to spend over 300,000 for 10 plus acres of land, a large shop and not old house.
My background is that I was born to 2 very young parents who scraped by on the bare minimum with a dad out of work from a massive injury and a mother who was putting herself through university. I wasn't poor, but I wasn't well off. As I grew up the mentality of money in my family is to not get attached to it as money is simply an exchange for goods in life for needs and wants.. it is earned and it is spent... it always comes and goes. There is not anxiety attached to it... it holds not a lot of meaning for me other than I need X amount of dollars to do the things I want and to pay for the life I have. I believe if I am paying my bills and we are not going without that I can do whatever the hell I want with my spare cash after savings and emergency funds and such....
Money in our marriage... my husband has ALL the bills in his name, the rent is an under the table kind of deal with is father who owns the house, and he said he can't be bothered to change the bills to our joint account until we get our own house. I am angered by this fact and have voiced it many times.. it has gone nowhere... I have offered to pay him percentages of what is coming in every month, he wants me to keep my money to pay off my debt... my loan will be eradicated in 8 months or less and I will be debt free. We have excellent Credit scores.. no children, great paying jobs... we are pre-approved for a VERY good mortgage... he seems to have his head up his ass when it comes to the price of owning a home, and is very cheap. I have been looking for over a year for a home to own... no such luck, he is very unwilling. He also plans to ask for a down payment from his father if we need it.. I am uncomfortable with this because I do not like the mentality his father has with money and I don't trust his father, not when it comes to our personal affairs.
My husband treats me like I am an immature, irresponsible brat when it comes to money and I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect, i do spend money when it is not needed on things I don't need. He almost NEVER spends his hard earned money and therefore resents me... I can't change that, we just have different values. I have cut back on my spending, I work more, but I am not afraid to spend my money, especially if my bills are paid, even when things are tight. We are married but our financial life isn't married... I am desperately looking for advice on how to amalgamate our lives together in this area, please.. anyone?