Trickle truth

3023 Views 14 Replies 13 Participants Last post by hurtingbadly, Oct 11, 2012

lesley70

Discussion Starter · Oct 10, 2012

How many here on TAM had the TT scenario?

How much worse is it for you, than if they had just taken a deep breath, grown some balls and 'fessed up to everything on first DD?

Why spend weeks, months, years saying 'you know everything, I have told you everything, there isn't anything else, please just believe me' when they are lying through their cheeting teeth?

It adds insult to injury, it makes a complete mockery of the R to date and makes it almost impossible to continue on the road of R. The truth is shattered beyond all repair.

Everything becomes a lie, nothing is real.

It is the definition of coward, TT

WS need to fully understand the injury they inflict on their 'loved one' by continuing to hide Their shames. Forgiveness can't happen if we don't have everything to forgive.

It is wrong and destructive on all levels.

WS need to know that if they truly love the one they are married to they will have no secrets once they are discovered at being a cheat. It is the only possible way to move forward.

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dantheman

· #2 · Oct 10, 2012

God, I kept saying almost the EXACT same thing to my wife. And would always get the same answers.

"you know everything", "i'm telling your the truth, i swear"

Ok, then take a polygraph, or go to MC, now she is asking for D.

Reactions: 1

MattMatt

· #3 · Oct 10, 2012

No TT, because I did not want to know what they did. EVER.

When my EA went near PA, I was truthful with my wife as to what happened. As she wanted to know.

gemjo

· #4 · Oct 10, 2012

So if your the Betrayer, and your H/ W asked for the whole truth there and then on first DD would you admit to everything you might have ever done, or just what they have caught you at?

Would the betrayer try to keep anything else from BS?

As my husband says " damage limitation"

Airbus

· #5 · Oct 10, 2012

Half truths, whether in the case of infidelity or not, always cause more harm than just verbally regurgitating the whole sordid story. People have to stop and consider the potential harm of these truths coming out at a later date or from a different source. Only once the truth in its entirety is out, is there a chance to move on. As long as you keep getting assaulted by TTs, you're doomed.

Ikaika

· #6 · Oct 10, 2012

gemjo said:
So if your the Betrayer, and your H/ W asked for the whole truth there and then on first DD would you admit to everything you might have ever done,....

Yes
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/57889-question-wss-but-bss-can-chip-too-2.html

Harken Banks

· #7 · Oct 10, 2012

lesley70 said:
How many here on TAM had the TT scenario?

How much worse is it for you, than if they had just taken a deep breath, grown some balls and 'fessed up to everything on first DD?

Why spend weeks, months, years saying 'you know everything, I have told you everything, there isn't anything else, please just believe me' when they are lying through their cheeting teeth?

It adds insult to injury, it makes a complete mockery of the R to date and makes it almost impossible to continue on the road of R. The truth is shattered beyond all repair.

Everything becomes a lie, nothing is real.

It is the definition of coward, TT

WS need to fully understand the injury they inflict on their 'loved one' by continuing to hide Their shames. Forgiveness can't happen if we don't have everything to forgive.

It is wrong and destructive on all levels.

WS need to know that if they truly love the one they are married to they will have no secrets once they are discovered at being a cheat. It is the only possible way to move forward.

It is the cruelest, most selfish thing. The damage cannot be undone.

Reactions: 2

Acabado

· #8 · Oct 10, 2012

It is the definition of coward, TT

Not necessarily. Many - maybe most - times is not more than an extension of the entitlement of the affair. Pure control of the outcome and manipulation.

Harken Banks

· #9 · Oct 10, 2012

Acabado said:
Not necessarily. Many - maybe most - times is not more than an extension of the entitlement of the affair. Pure control of the outcome and manipulation.

I'll agree with this. Especially if the lying is to protect and continue the affair. Sociopathic disregard.

SomedayDig

· #10 · Oct 10, 2012

Trickle truth is cruel. That much is a given. When a WS claims that the BS knows everything there is and it is believed...well...that's just f'd up.

Pure set back.

Reactions: 1

MattMatt

· #11 · Oct 10, 2012

Acabado said:
Not necessarily. Many - maybe most - times is not more than an extension of the entitlement of the affair. Pure control of the outcome and manipulation.

And fear. Fear if the BS finds out what the WS did that they will divorce them?

joeobowyer

· #12 · Oct 11, 2012

I was truthful with my wife as to what happened.

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Headspin

· #13 · Oct 11, 2012

I think its the one bit that you never ever get past even if you R

I remember having r'd and 'forgiven' her after yet another man and always looking at her and thinking "you heartless bastard I'll never forgive you that bit"

There's a cruelty, a choice to hurt you, that I can never accept

I simply could not ever do that to somebody
.....under no circumstances

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Remains

· #14 · Oct 11, 2012

I got the TT. And like above posters, it was the most cruel and hurtful thing on all of it. He turned it on to me, blamed me for dragging it up, paranoid freak, I have given my all, going dark and refusing to talk, shouting at me, anger, all because I wanted to talk, told me I will never get over it all, I will never let it go, I just don't want to be happy....etc. We split many times. That is why I came here. I really did start to think I was going mad. Something seriously wrong with me. He put me through the turmoil of the A and then the further turmoil of not giving me his all, he knew it, I knew it. But the doubt in myself was always there. Then I would be convinced again, no doubt, I would talk to him, or he would refuse to talk, we would split, I would miss him, doubt would set in, the cycle began again.

Just over a year later another truth came out. It put a few things in place. It only came out though because I had had enough and ended it. Again. But this was a bigger end. A bigger finish. Longer than ever before.

Several things have happened over the last 4 months that have destroyed all chances of R. TT being a big one, but not the biggest! We have been split for about 6-7 weeks now. I am a recovering partner, happier in singledom, repairing myself from his damage. Hopefully move forward to something better with a far more educated mind.

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hurtingbadly

· #15 · Oct 11, 2012

My WS is the king of TT.

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