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trickle truth...the whole trickle truth!

11K views 30 replies 19 participants last post by  doc_martin 
This time? It bothers me that there are some really big holes in her story.

But in the end, I know it was an affair. I know it was a PA. I know it lasted for at least a year and a half. Is my R based not upon the idea of the affair itself? Is 10 times in the sack any worse than 9? Isn't it still the same rubber stamp: "Affair"?

Is my inability to let it go inhibiting my own recovery? Feeling like I need those holes to be filled? I feel as though I have mostly forgiven the affair itself. So why then should it even bother me about the holes in her story?

Or maybe it's the feeling that since there are holes there...there must be lies, still. Why are there still lies? And if there are still lies, is it keeping me from reconciling? Or is it keeping HER from reconciling?
I guess I am grasping at the thin air.
If 10 times is the same as nine, and the details make no difference, then why can't she just tell you the truth?

It makes a difference because of what Acabado said. Also, all he bolded parts above.

Marriage is a joining of two into one, sharing your lives. Do you consider lying and hiding the truth part of what a marriage should be? No? Well, that is why getting the truth is important.

Understood - you never know if you have the truth and I suspect that most betrayeds never get the ENTIRE truth. But like you said, you need enough so that at least it makes sense and you feel there are no big gaping holes in the story. Then you can forgive and move on. Is that not your wife's goal, also?
 
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