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Please keep in mind that "trial separation" is just another codeword for displacing and dispatching the betrayed spouse so that the unfaithful spouse can play around unabated without you being an eyewitness to any of their sordid activities!
There are usually three reasons why one partner asks for a “break”.
1. They want to break up permanently but feel this way is less of a shock.
2. There is another person on the scene who they want to be free to see without being encumbered with a partner/spouse.
3. It’s a **** test and they want the other partner to beg them to come back.
None of these scenarios give any comfort to the partner left behind and in most of the cases I’ve seen option one is the result.
 

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All the trial separations I have read ended up with the one wanting the separation cheating.

They do it to start their single life.

She has enlisted your help to set up her bachelorette pad.

Best of luck with it.
 

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Mike you’re still trying to “nice” your wife back into your marriage but at this stage surely you can see the writing on the wall. You need to treat this as a real separation,not some little game that your wife is playing. Don’t be afraid of saying no to her when you get asked to help her in her new home.

Once she moves you need to focus on yourself,live your life on your own terms and don’t hang around waiting for her. Let her realize that she needs to convince YOU to come back to her. You are now a single man,live like one except for dating obviously. You are living in a beautiful part of the world,why not hit the beaches regularly with or without the children.

As it stands your wife has the luxury of knowing that if her single woman journey doesn’t work out then plan B (this would be you) is waiting with open arms.

She needs to be disillusioned of this very quickly.
Mike, read this repeatedly until it sinks in.

If you allow her all of the benefits of being married, without any of the liabilities, what reason does she have to return?

Furthermore, how will you feel about yourself as you continue to meet her needs while yours go unfulfilled? This has the risk of resenting her via projection.

Allow her to feel the full weight and consequences of her actions.

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Separation seems like a dress rehearsal for an eventual affair or divorce.

As a man, one of the most important things to do is "cleave" to your wife. Without a closeness, you'll lose connection, and that's when women typically want out.

Women are more like cruise ships that take a long time to turn around. And each act of love is measured the same whether large (diamond earrings) or small (a thoughtful card).

So your action plan would look something like this:
- get her to stay
- start loving her every day, even when she doesn't deserve it
- do all the "little things"
- be incredibly patient and wait a long time
- be the best "you" - fit, patient, fun, great dad, clean, sober, organized...

One day things will click and when she looks back and sees all you have done for her, she'll run back to you like the prodigal son. Right now your role is to be like the father, waiting with open arms and unconditional love. You may also find yourself feeling like the older brother (resentful because you "don't deserve this").

It is a long and arduous journey, but will be worth it in the end.
 

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One day things will click and when she looks back and sees all you have done for her, she'll run back to you like the prodigal son. Right now your role is to be like the father, waiting with open arms and unconditional love. You may also find yourself feeling like the older brother (resentful because you "don't deserve this").

It is a long and arduous journey, but will be worth it in the end.
You cant be serious. Do not give him this kind of false hope, have we EVER seen this happen here?? You are telling him to take a stance of weakness...women HATE weakness in their men.
 

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Ah, I knew someone would say that!

Unconditional love = weakness is a lie that satan has told you, and it is easy to believe. I know because I lived it.

It is actually a feat of strength. Do you think anyone would call Jesus weak? He had the power to wipe everyone out but instead let himself be tortured to death. That level of strength can actually be very intoxicating to women.

Its hard to capture all this in a post, but there can be a fine line sometimes. I am not in anyway advocating bending over backwards or being walked all over. OP has every right to maintain healthy boundaries and be the leader of his household. After all that is God's design for marriage. The man is to be a leader. Letting his wife go do a trial separation is a lack of leadership. Now clearly he can't force her to do anything, but he needs to set the standard and live with however she chooses to use her free will. He can still set an example whether she stays or goes.

However, if she does have the affair, then he is allowed to divorce and I wouldn't argue with that. But until the affair happens, this marriage is game on!

This is really hard stuff, most people want to take the comfortable way out: divorce, cheat, alcohol, violence, whatever quick hit soothes you. In the long run, that stuff actually isn't fulfilling.

Have I ever seen it "happen here"? Yes, in fact I have. I was the victim of divorce threats and conquered that trial.
 

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Some people never get better. No amount of love, support, kindness, therapy, drugs, etc. ever helps in a lasting and meaningful way. If she has been in personal therapy for 7 years for this trauma I suggest you ponder the possibility that your wife is one of the unfortunate souls.

I can't tell you that I think separation will help your marriage, but a little distance may help you see how unhappy you are with this profoundly damaged woman. People in your situation often become so focused on helping their spouse that they lose sight of their own happiness.

I don't know if your wife will get better or worse. I don't know if you should separate, divorce or stay together. I do know that you need to take a cold, sober look at your life and decide how much more of your time you want to invest with such long odds for real improvement.

Your son's situation makes this all the more critical. Consider if he would be better off with less exposure to your disfunctional marriage and his mother's mental illness.

Good luck.
Or that the counsellor is rubbish?
 

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Separation seems like a dress rehearsal for an eventual affair or divorce.

As a man, one of the most important things to do is "cleave" to your wife. Without a closeness, you'll lose connection, and that's when women typically want out.

Women are more like cruise ships that take a long time to turn around. And each act of love is measured the same whether large (diamond earrings) or small (a thoughtful card).

So your action plan would look something like this:
- get her to stay
- start loving her every day, even when she doesn't deserve it
- do all the "little things"
- be incredibly patient and wait a long time
- be the best "you" - fit, patient, fun, great dad, clean, sober, organized...

One day things will click and when she looks back and sees all you have done for her, she'll run back to you like the prodigal son. Right now your role is to be like the father, waiting with open arms and unconditional love. You may also find yourself feeling like the older brother (resentful because you "don't deserve this").

It is a long and arduous journey, but will be worth it in the end.
It’s more likely that she will decide that Mike is a great father to their kids,a great provider and homemaker,and she will feel free to carry on the affair that I am more and more convinced she is having.
This is a problem that isn’t going to be solved until Mike’s wife starts pulling her weight in this marriage and Mike himself starts to put his own needs first for a change.
I am of the opinion that if she leaves then Mike should file,citing abandonment if necessary.
 

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Unless the stats have changed recently and I doubt that, your chances of now saving the marriage is only 1 in 5. Separation is devastating to marriage.

Unfortunately, these threads are littered with wives that are the victims of rape and child sex abuse that go on to have affairs and destroy their own families. You should use all means you can afford to investigate this the best option being a private eye.

The typical relationship starts out great, then marriage and after the kids start coming the CSA survivor starts projecting her abusers actions on to her husband. When did your relationship start going south? For whatever reason, the wife then finds another man that is not tainted and can be her romantic interest.

In any event, whether or not this is the case, get the books MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER, NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY , free download, HOLD ON TO YOUR NUTS, and NOT JUST FRIENDS.

Look up the 180 to prepare yourself for what is almost inevitable. Sometimes it even has the effect of showing the wayward wife what she is losing. The goal however is to be strong for yourself and your family.

How is you son doing?
 

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Discussion Starter #74
Unless the stats have changed recently and I doubt that, your chances of now saving the marriage is only 1 in 5. Separation is devastating to marriage.

Unfortunately, these threads are littered with wives that are the victims of rape and child sex abuse that go on to have affairs and destroy their own families. You should use all means you can afford to investigate this the best option being a private eye.

The typical relationship starts out great, then marriage and after the kids start coming the CSA survivor starts projecting her abusers actions on to her husband. When did your relationship start going south? For whatever reason, the wife then finds another man that is not tainted and can be her romantic interest.

In any event, whether or not this is the case, get the books MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER, NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY , free download, HOLD ON TO YOUR NUTS, and NOT JUST FRIENDS.

Look up the 180 to prepare yourself for what is almost inevitable. Sometimes it even has the effect of showing the wayward wife what she is losing. The goal however is to be strong for yourself and your family.

How is you son doing?
Son is getting better councilling and seems much better

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Discussion Starter #75
I didn't see where you explained what the trauma was that you caused. Please explain.
Apparently wanting to have sex with my wife was traumatizing. Arguing with her. And I had anger issues which have been dealt with a long time ago.

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