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What I want to know is has anyone ever been in a situation like this where the marriage lasted?

My husband and I have been married for 9 years. We have an 8 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. We both love them.

I do not like my husband anymore. If I had to choose someone to go to the movies with or vacation with it would not be him. Is he cruel? No he just annoys the crap out of me everything he says and does makes me want to punch him in the throat. I know what you are thinking years of resentment have led you to this well maybe so.

Background: When we started dating the very first time we had sex I thought, man this is not good, but I thought I was good enough that I could fix him. You know show him some moves, boost his confidence....ummm negative. He is VANILLA. I don't think I'm a freak but dang lets spice it up....nope. He literally lasts maybe 2 minutes if I'm lucky. I once asked if we could tie each other up and you would have thought I had said I was gonna make him have sex with an animal. He pretty much called me a pervert and that hurt my feelings so much that since then I just let him have his 2 minutes and then take care of myself. He CANNOT be improved in the bedroom. He doesn't have it in him nor does he have the equipment which = a very disappointed me.

He has a good job as do I. He knows I'm not happy but thinks we should be. He thinks we will be together forever. I told him I'm leaving when the kids are grown but in the past 5 years I have had 2 affairs. Only part of it is the sexual needs. I think the other part is I need to feel like a woman, like I'm desirable. I feel like my husband and I are more like siblings now. I don't hate him. I don't want anything bad to happen to him.

Also, I am afraid that the person I am currently having an affair with is in love with me. I care about him but falling in love was not what was supposed to happen. I'm afraid if I end the affair he will confront my husband in order to force my hand at ending the relationship. So even if I decide to give it another shot, it may already be out of my hands.


I'm scared for me and my children to have to start over. I'm scared of how angry he will be when he knows I'm seriously over our relationship. I don't know if I even have the nerve to finally end it.

Should I try and stay until our children are grown in order to provide them with 2 parents that love them as well as providing them with a pretty comfy childhood?
 

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It's time for you to end your marriage.

Why are you scared to leave? You have a good job. Your children will be OK. This farce of a marriage will mess up your children. They are growing up thinking this is normal. It is what they will look for in a relationship.

Leave.
 

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I'm scared for me and my children to have to start over. I'm scared of how angry he will be when he knows I'm seriously over our relationship. I don't know if I even have the nerve to finally end it.

Should I try and stay until our children are grown in order to provide them with 2 parents that love them as well as providing them with a pretty comfy childhood?
You assume that he will want you after he learns the truth about your affairs. Be prepared for the opposite being the case.

If he is the "Nice Guy" type, he'll probably beg and grovel with you to stay in the marriage which will only make you feel more disgusted to be with him. But if he is the type that views cheating as a deal breaker, then no amount of persuasion from anybody will sway him to stay married to you.

You may want to consider preparing for the worst scenario possible. You brought this upon yourself.
 

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I feel so lucky right now.
I don't want to burst your luck-bubble here dude, but you are not lucky.

There are many kinds of unlucky. Yours is just different from the OP's husband's low-luck.


Sorry :( Don't mean to be cruel, just want to see you do what needs to be done.
 

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My husband hid the fact that he had HIV from me and endangered me by having unprotected sex with me KNOWING that he could infect me. We have not had sex since I found out over 3 years ago. Do I miss sex? Yes. Have I ever considered having an affair? Absolutely not. That would just be dragging myself down to his level.

Did you use condoms when you had your affair? If you didn't, then I cannot help but consider you the same kind of low-life as my husband, but even if you did I cannot feel any pity for you.

No matter how bad a situation in a marriage is, cheating only makes it worse. For the sake of your children and your husband (no matter how little respect you have for him), just tell the truth and let him go. No one deserves to be cheated on and there is no justification in the world that makes it "ok".

I get that you are scared of losing the stability you currently enjoy, but you need to put on your big-girl panties and accept responsibility for your mistakes. You did it. Own it and move on.

Evie
 

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Might be a troll, might not be. Could also be lurking offline, not communicating back because the advice given was not to their liking, or is thinking about it... Never know.
 

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"Hi, is your refrigerator running?"
...
"Better hurry up and catch it!"
 

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You have had 2 affairs and women normally emotionally detach before becoming involved sexually. I would say you have no emotional attachment to your husband and are only with him for obligation to your vows or towards your children, perhaps both. Good marriages are not grounded on this basis. You need to take the steps to leave the marriage and move on with your life.
 

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Usually adolescents in mom's basement having their fun.

Did the same thing back in my day, except we crank called old ladies.
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yes but sometimes I think the motivation is a bit more interesting. sometimes perhaps a fiction writer trying out a story..seeing how compelling it is - whether it draws people in, creates tension, emotion in the audience etc.

just my theory on some of these....
 
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