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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My wife is an only child, works for her parents, and takes our two kids to the office with her. There are 20 years of age between her father and mother. Her father is an 80 year old Korean War vet and her mother is now basically his caretaker.

As far as I’ve observed, my wife’s mother has never shown any affection to her husband. She seems to treat him as a chore. Both my wife and her mother treat him like an idiot. He’s not a genius and he has the beginning of Alzheimer’s, but I’ve never seen him treated with respect by these two.

I’m afraid that this is at least part of the reason my wife does not seem to have much respect for my role as husband and father in our marriage. My two year old has even started to shout commands at her grandfather and me. My wife and her mother giggle every time my two year old commands her grandfather, but I cannot allow that to become serious when directed at me.
 

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I'm sure this is true and odds are your daughter won't respect her husband because that is her role model. How does your wife disrespect you? Have you talked to her about this?
 

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I would encourage you to build a close relationship with your daughter. The closer you two are, the more she is likely to trust you. With trust comes respect.
 

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As far as I’ve observed, my wife’s mother has never shown any affection to her husband.
How long has that been?

My observation of older people, at least in my family, is that they abuse the exalted position of being the elder.

Before my father died, he walked around the house in his Depends, in front of his granddaughters....... this was his house, and he was going to do as he pleased.

Other anti social behaviors included

1. calling gay men "punks", the word that he learned as a teenager, you know
2. other loose language such as, remarking that a married women in my mother's social circle was "crazy about" my brother
3. barging into conversations and derailing them. At first, it's funny. After a while it becomes annoying.
4. creating alternative names for everything, after all, "you know what I mean"

If your FIL ever engaged in that kind of behavior, what would you suggest for the caretakers so that they don't lose their mind.
 

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I think your concern is very valid...often times daughters will use their mother as role model for how they interact with their husband, if you do not break the chain now you will face the same fate as your father in law...you need to have a serious meeting with your wife and if she is unwilling to change then i would suggest counseling...and also need to stop that behavior in your children. you need to stop the chain of disrespectfulness ASAP.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
My wife is currently not listening to me, let alone to hear about something I think is wrong. She used to discuss things with me and we would settle (I thought) on an agreement, but now she has been lead by some folks on a forum like this and has changed her personality completely.

She is now telling me that all those times I thought we had agreed on something, it was just her giving in and now she won't listen to reason at all.

My daughter has her own chicken nuggets in front of her but wants my wife's instead. I tell her 'no' because I don't want to set a precedent for her to demand things from others. My wife simply sated that she disagreed and was not willing to discuss it.
 

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My wife is currently not listening to me, let alone to hear about something I think is wrong. She used to discuss things with me and we would settle (I thought) on an agreement, but now she has been lead by some folks on a forum like this and has changed her personality completely.

She is now telling me that all those times I thought we had agreed on something, it was just her giving in and now she won't listen to reason at all.

My daughter has her own chicken nuggets in front of her but wants my wife's instead. I tell her 'no' because I don't want to set a precedent for her to demand things from others. My wife simply sated that she disagreed and was not willing to discuss it.
Discuss what? The sahring of the Chicken McNuggets?

I do think that parents need to be united about how they want to teach their children. I do agree with you that is she assumes that everytime she goes somewhere, she's entitled to eat off other's people's plates, that will be anti-social. Good luck with that.
 
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