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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I want to start by saying my husband and I have a mutually fulfilling sex life. We have sex at least four times a week and it's not uncommon for it to be multiple times a day. We have not always had this strong of a drive as we have been married for ten years and have four kids. I struggled while not pregnant with PMDD and within the last year I have under gone hormone therapy which has made my sex drive higher. (Even when I has a low sex drive we were still averaging 3 times a week but I was not as intense.)

My issue is that when we take some time off for whatever reason (hectic schedules, my period, illness) we end up fighting over the stupidest things and I seriously think it is caused by lack of sex. Is this common with other couples? For instance:
I was on my period for about a week then the day I was all good to go my H became sick. (If he complains about being sick I know he must really feel like crap because he rarely complains and never takes a sick day.) So I did the wifely caretaking; asking if I can get him anything, brought him meds. The one thing he wanted that I would not give him was sex. I know it might sound selfish but I don't want to get sick! I have four young kids to care for, is it really necessary to have sex when you have a stomach bug for three days! He is now very upset with me. Last night I thought he was feeling better so when we got into bed I cuddled up next to him, I kissed on him, caressed him etc. After about 20 minutes of being ignored I asked him if I could make love to him. He response was "when". I took that as I am not feeling well so "rain check". I did not huff and puff and storm off, I just got up, took out my contacts, took my nightly RX and then got back into bed and told him good night. A few minutes later (I was nearly asleep, when my head hits the pillow it takes a matter of seconds!) he began rubbing up on me, but I seriously was just about out that when he asked me if I was sleeping I said yes and that is the last thing I remember. This morning...all hell broke loose! He was mad and yelling saying that I am playing games and he is sick and tired of my ups and downs. I told him I was not playing games and that I am upset that he is so mad at me for not wanting to have sex while he was sick with a stomach bug. I left and things have yet to get sorted out between us. But this is a typical TSB (toxic sperm buildup) fight.

Mind you...when I am on my period the last thing I want to do is play BUT I do...either I will give him oral (which I really don't like doing which is a whole different thread), jack him off or we have shower sex. 90% of the time I get nothing in return; it all for him which is fine. While I was on my period this last time we had three play sessions so it's not like he is completely ignored during my time; although he swears he is.

Anyone have any advice for me? Do you have a common relationship issue? Is he over reacting? Am I? These aren't just little spats...the turn into huge fights!
 

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Get this man some lube, a magazine and teach him how to masturbate so you can actually have a little of your life back.

My goodness. 3-4x per day? How does anyone get anything done around there? Are the kids ok, as in are they taken care of and clean and up on their studies?

If they are, they you are a super mom and a super wife. Don't let his sperm build-up / inner marriage sex addiction make you think you are anything less than stellar.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Although we have done it 3-4to times in one day that is not the norm! Lol I said per weekjust so rest assured my children are taken care of! Sorry for the miscommunication!
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I don't mean to make it sound simplistic or anything, but have you two actually sat down and had a true and honest heart to heart about this stuff? For me, I found that after I discovered my wife's affair that our communication increased exponentially (sp) since I decided to attempt reconciliation with her.

The affair was not about a lack of sex and that really doesn't matter. What DOES matter is that we had really crummy communication for about 6 or 7 years. It is truly amazing that we are so honest with each other now.

Talk to him but make sure it's non-threatening and non-blaming. Just begin by opening the lines of communication. :)
 

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If I go a while without sex I get very cranky and irritable and masturbation won't fix it. Having said that if I was having sex 3 to 4 times a week I would be so happy I would cut cartwheels through the yard naked
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Mrs. Farmer, How old are you two? Your problem seems to be communication problem, not lack of love, respect and mutual attraction. I am sure if you two works on your communication skills, it can be remedied. Do not lose hope.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I am 30 and he is 36. We are both madly in love and jokingly (but in all seriousness) say that the only way out of the marriage is by DEATH DO US PART! We fight passionately and we make love passionately.

Communication definitely seems to be the key...as last night all it took was for me to begin sex (no letting him decide if he wants it, I just began giving him a bj) and within minutes of starting it was like nothing ever even happened.

We spend a decent amount of QT together. (He thinks time during sex and while watching his TV shows counts as QT but I do not; my issue I am sure.) We do struggle a lot with communication. At times I don't really comfortable to speak freely because he often takes things out of context and gets easily upset over what I have said or miss-said so I tend to "walk on eggshells" and the conversation then gets taken over by him. It gets very frustrating. We are a team and I love being his assistant coach but he constantly feels that I am trying to be the head coach and be in control which is a position I have no desire for. He is the head of our household and that's the way he and I want it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
We have discussed this issue before and his explanation is
"I don't ask for a lot and I really need this." It's like his love tank starts on empty everyday and I have to fill it back up. I don't mind having to show him love it just the fact that if his "love tank" is on empty and I am unable to fill it in a timely manner (the end of the day) it causes so much tension between us which in turn makes it hard to want to fill his tank cause he is acting like a jerk to me. I just wish his love tank did not deplete so quickly because believe me...he is loved he just doesn't seem to realize it.
 

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Mrs. Farmer, upon hearing your description, I am confident that, as long as you two are making serious efforts to improve your communications, then you will get more in tune with each other. As time goes, love will find a way. As long as you two love each other, has mutual respects with each other, and are sexually attracted to each other, your love will always find a way. Good luck!
 

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I know it's kind of out there, but have you ever considered a sex therapist? Communication is a learned behavior. Lack of it is also learned. At it's most basic form, SEX is communication.
 

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You guys are having sex four times a week and your hubby balks at having to lay off for a few days because he's sick? :rolleyes:

What he needs to do is stick his head in the toilet, flush it 100 times while he repeats: "I am a dips**t! ...I am a dips**t! ...I am a dips**t! ..." :rofl:

On the serious side, his case of blue balls will pass, and remind him that his hand is always functional, and he needs to be counting his blessings ...DAILY! :smthumbup:
 

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Sex 3-4 times a week, sometimes multiple times a day. Sometimes you don't have sex due to you being on your period, or whatever, you also have 4 young kids. This doesn't sound like a sex issue, it sounds like a lack of communication/anger issue. He is gonna get mad because you first initiated sex he turned you down, but then when you wanted to sleep he woke up mad. It almost comes across as your lives are based on how much sex you have or the lack there of. I would suggest couples therapy.
 

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The title of your thread is Toxic sperm buildup. I'm trying to figure out, is that what HE thinks? You think? You both think?

If he has gone a few days without sex, he doesn't have toxic sperm buildup, thats bull. Now if he had gone weeks and months etc, with no release at all, I might could see that, but a few days, no.

Do you feel he may have some kind of sexual issues? 3-4 times a week is way better than most people on this board. And if he can't go a few days without it on an occassion due to your time of the month or even sickness, then I think he has a problem. And him getting angry over it proves it. Just my 2 cents.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
The title of your thread is Toxic sperm buildup. I'm trying to figure out, is that what HE thinks? You think? You both think? QUOTE]

It is something I came up when we first started having the issue...sort of as a joke. But neither of us actually think his sperm is poisoning his body!

He often does take care of things himself. I go to the gym on Monday and Wednesday mornings after the kids leave for school and he usually masturbates then. (I have caught him in the middle of the night next me and there have been times when he is home during the day on a day off he will.) I am completely okay with it. Ironically, he is not okay if I take care of things on my own. I am HD so on the occasions that I do, I always tell him about it. More to try and get him horned up and sometimes sext with me about it.

I love how much we have sex and the quality of it but I hate the fact that it seems to have so much control of us and can cause so much friction. I don't like feeling like I am being a bad wife because I turn him once in a while. There have been times when he has turned me down and I don't get mad but I do experience a disappointment, not anger.
 
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