Hello all,
I am new to these forums and just wanting to find some friendly voices to talk to as I deal with something so horrific I can barely understand it's really happening.
I'm a woman in my 30s who has a surprisingly happy and healthy life despite the toxic family situation I grew up in. To make a long story short, I grew up with a mother who kept us all prisoner in her house. My father, who is disabled, has been sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by my mother to the nth degree since I was a very small child, and I have been too, to varying degrees. It was always worse with him because I became very good at living a double life and escaping as soon as I could. My mother made us live a life with minimal outside contacts, full of lies. She controlled the money, the tone, every word we said and every thing we did. I got out early, but she crushed my father, especially as his disability progressed.
To make a very long story short, the other night she finally completely snapped. My father woke up to a butcher knife at his throat. I don't know how he did it, but he got it away from her. My mother had a grand plan to not only attack him but to then accuse him of being the attacker (no one talking to my father for more than a minute could ever believe this, due to his personality, physical state, etc, and the fact that my mother over the years has lost the ability to act sane in public). It didn't work out for her, finally. My father escaped and is in hiding; she finally had a psychiatrist who stood up to her, and finally we have escaped her contacts and control....mostly. Now she is in the legal system.
If anyone has had a situation like mine that escalated, I guess my main question I pose to the forum is: how do you let go of the fear? Last night she came to my house and tried to push in the door. I had to call the police, but she got away. Until she is safely in a facility of one type or another, I am so full of fear, mostly for my dad, but for me too. I have slept less in the last four days than you should in one night. I'm just so scared, so angry. And yet, somehow I do have this optimistic general way of being most of the time, where I can see the good in this, how getting through the short run could lead to a fairly wonderful long run. I would love nothing more than for my father to have a rest of his life where he can be allowed to sleep for more than an hour at a time (this is one of her primary methods of control, and it's an insidious form of abuse, let me tell you), to have the money for a cup of coffee when he wants it, to be allowed to talk to his family or have a hobby or be allowed to watch television. And the blatancy of her act has finally killed off whatever part of me might have thought I could one day have a relationship with her. I know now that she is not 99% monster 1% "mommy" but all monster. The very best I could wish for is never to see her again.
I apologize that this post is kind of disjointed and incomplete, but I'd be glad to answer questions or talk about anything, and I would love to make some friends here in similar circumstances. Let's support each other.
There is something so wonderful about ending my lifetime of faking and lies, to admit the horror of what has happened, not just recently but over my life, and to realize what a beast she really is.
Pearl
I am new to these forums and just wanting to find some friendly voices to talk to as I deal with something so horrific I can barely understand it's really happening.
I'm a woman in my 30s who has a surprisingly happy and healthy life despite the toxic family situation I grew up in. To make a long story short, I grew up with a mother who kept us all prisoner in her house. My father, who is disabled, has been sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by my mother to the nth degree since I was a very small child, and I have been too, to varying degrees. It was always worse with him because I became very good at living a double life and escaping as soon as I could. My mother made us live a life with minimal outside contacts, full of lies. She controlled the money, the tone, every word we said and every thing we did. I got out early, but she crushed my father, especially as his disability progressed.
To make a very long story short, the other night she finally completely snapped. My father woke up to a butcher knife at his throat. I don't know how he did it, but he got it away from her. My mother had a grand plan to not only attack him but to then accuse him of being the attacker (no one talking to my father for more than a minute could ever believe this, due to his personality, physical state, etc, and the fact that my mother over the years has lost the ability to act sane in public). It didn't work out for her, finally. My father escaped and is in hiding; she finally had a psychiatrist who stood up to her, and finally we have escaped her contacts and control....mostly. Now she is in the legal system.
If anyone has had a situation like mine that escalated, I guess my main question I pose to the forum is: how do you let go of the fear? Last night she came to my house and tried to push in the door. I had to call the police, but she got away. Until she is safely in a facility of one type or another, I am so full of fear, mostly for my dad, but for me too. I have slept less in the last four days than you should in one night. I'm just so scared, so angry. And yet, somehow I do have this optimistic general way of being most of the time, where I can see the good in this, how getting through the short run could lead to a fairly wonderful long run. I would love nothing more than for my father to have a rest of his life where he can be allowed to sleep for more than an hour at a time (this is one of her primary methods of control, and it's an insidious form of abuse, let me tell you), to have the money for a cup of coffee when he wants it, to be allowed to talk to his family or have a hobby or be allowed to watch television. And the blatancy of her act has finally killed off whatever part of me might have thought I could one day have a relationship with her. I know now that she is not 99% monster 1% "mommy" but all monster. The very best I could wish for is never to see her again.
I apologize that this post is kind of disjointed and incomplete, but I'd be glad to answer questions or talk about anything, and I would love to make some friends here in similar circumstances. Let's support each other.
There is something so wonderful about ending my lifetime of faking and lies, to admit the horror of what has happened, not just recently but over my life, and to realize what a beast she really is. Pearl
