[Paradise]

Good day, all! This last couple of weeks has been so up and down and I find myself thinking too much. I do this every year at this point because I'm so busy during football and then all of the sudden I have a lot of free time on my hands. The first couple of weeks I work hard to get caught up and started exercising again but then I reach this point where I'm thinking...."what now?"

I really don't know the answer to this. I go to work, see my daughter half the week, grade some papers, exercise a bit, but still on nights I don't have my daughter I find myself alone. And...Well, I'm almost ready to give up on the thought of finding someone. It's been almost two years since my separation and a year and a half since the divorce. I've dated a little and have had a few mini-relationships but I've found nothing that I really want. In addition, while I am living comfortably and my finances are under a bit of control I look at the debt my marriage accumulated and it is just so daunting. I paid december bills two nights ago and most of my paycheck was gone in a flash just trying to make a small dent in the debt. It is so frustrating.

I'm not exactly sure of the reason for this post other than the fact that I am feeling a bit sorry for myself right now but darn it.....I'm tired....I'm tired of fighting my way out of this mess. I'm tired of working my tail off and only making minimal progress. I'm tired of going home every night alone. But....I'm just not real sure what to do about it all. Very frustrated right now.

 

[EnjoliWoman]

I've gone through cycles like that. Know that, because it is a cycle, you'll also cycle out of it!

If you know that there is a slow, depressing time coming up, why don't you do a little research into something you can do and plan it ahead of time so you're ready to deal with it.

What area do you life in? You could plan a day of hiking, take your camera or just take some w/ your phone... take a backpack and your lunch. Wouldn't cost much, the exercise would clear your head and you'll sleep well.

Do you have a pet or is it practical? Having a dog to walk or hike with might be nice and someone always wants to greet you at the door!

December is a big time full of volunteer opportunities. You can sort toys donated to kids, fix used bicycles or serve food in a soup kitchen. That would make you feel VERY fortunate - at least the bills are paid with a little left over.

Do you have any guy friends? Join a meet up group for men. Join a group of men at the park for a pick-up basketball game for a little camaraderie.

Just some ideas.

 

[Paradise]

Your ideas are great of course. I have done a ton of different things and the result is pretty much the same. Trying to commit to anything is really difficult to do due to the times and days I have my daughter. For example, I started to do some dance classes but most of them were on nights I have my girl and I cannot afford private lessons. So, that kind of went away.

I do a lot of hiking, exercising, etc. Matter of fact, I've now lost 14 lbs since football ended. Guess I'm just getting tired of doing all of this alone.

Most of my problem is the depression over having to pay for a divorce and a marriage long after it has ended. I don't do well with debt and I went so many years giving everything to my exwife that I'm now wanting some things of my own.

I'll figure it out....eventually.

 

[EnjoliWoman]

Your daughter can hike if she's over 3. I know what you mean about schedules with kids and having to work around those. Go to Goodwill and pick up a bunch of kid books and just hang out and read with her (assuming Mom took that stuff).

Make a tracker, either paper where you see it or on your PC and contribute to it regularly and keep up with when you'll make it a reality. Whether it's big like a boat or motorcycle or medium like a vacation or small, depending on your means and what things you want for yourself.

I guess what I'm suggesting is: give yourself things to really look forward to. Whether it's special time with your daughter or friends or an activity you enjoy or whatever you want to spend your money on. Having something to look forward to is important.

 

[Homemaker_Numero_Uno]

How about a second job doing something fun and enjoyable and no stress? That would kill two birds with one stone.

 

[Paradise]

Spent some time last night as my girl was going to sleep thinking about the last year. Guess I've been in a reflective state of mind as of late. I'm actually amazed at how far I've come since last Christmas time. Last year I was on the verge of bankruptcy, still is a deep funk following the divorce and angry at the world.

Now, well, I still have some issues that I need to negotiate but most of it has to do with being confident and content with my life. I'm still anxious about leaving behind all remnants of my past life but I think I've focused on it so much it keeps me somewhat stuck. I mean, I still have a ton of debt to take care of but at least I'm living comfortably. And....Well, it's going to take a few more years to wipe the debt clean and I do believe I'll make significant progress in 2013 on that very thing. But, the point is, it's not going to go away immediately and I just need to learn to do what I can and be accepting of that fact. I'm rushing, pushing too hard and I think if I just relax a little maybe things will appear a bit more clear.

The future seems a bit cloudy right now. I use to be able to see far ahead and have a plan for what path my life was going to take. Not sure if the divorce kind of derailed that way of thinking or what but I just cannot figure out my direction....So, I plug away at each day, do my best, go to bed, and wake up and start again the next day. Am I missing something? Is that all there really is to life?

I do have goals set up for this month and have been chopping away at them. Some of them are related to business that I've neglected for a long time so perhaps they have me looking back a bit more than normal. Maybe it will be good when I finally negotiate those items on the agenda instead of avoiding them.

Not sure.....Just processing some thoughts.

 

[Shooboomafoo]

Paradise, thanks for your post. It hits the nail on the head with many issues I am dealing with recently. its been a few months beyond a year for me too since the divorce. I am still dealing with debt, and hope that 2013 will be a good year to nail that away.

Direction in life? Man, I have no idea. I too am seeing the days go from bed to work to bed again and its not satisfying.
I have also been feeling really lonely lately. I am not sure that I want to get involved with someone, because I am still so new at the single life, and have not adjusted to it completely. Sometimes I feel like even friends are distant and then it gets to be really solitary.

Ive been battling that whole transition period thing, where I am trying to find out who and how and what I am now, and it seems to have relied so much on that "family unit" in the past for so long, that I am feeling pretty displaced..

I dont like my life right now, the "motions", the routine.

 

[EnjoliWoman]

I found it interesting that I didn't go back to who I was before marriage. My tastes and interests had changed so it's starting over on many levels.

 

[Paradise]

Direction in life? Man, I have no idea. I too am seeing the days go from bed to work to bed again and its not satisfying.
I have also been feeling really lonely lately. I am not sure that I want to get involved with someone, because I am still so new at the single life, and have not adjusted to it completely. Sometimes I feel like even friends are distant and then it gets to be really solitary.

Ive been battling that whole transition period thing, where I am trying to find out who and how and what I am now, and it seems to have relied so much on that "family unit" in the past for so long, that I am feeling pretty displaced..

I dont like my life right now, the "motions", the routine.

Satisfactory is not good enough for me. I'm with you, Shoo. I completely get what you are saying. And I have all of these ideas but turning those ideas into something substantial just isn't gonna happen right now. My daughter takes up so much of my time and that is great but for the other half of my life I'm kind of, well, alone. Working out is something I do frequently during that alone time but it is still something I do alone.

Part of me is just about ready to pack up and leave for Jamaica and go back to doing my old college job and bartending for a few years. If I didn't have my daughter I would be gone as soon as this school year ended.

I don't want to sound depressing here, because I am far from it. But, I don't want to settle, either. Am I hitting my mid-life crisis here? I'm actually starting to wonder.