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Most sessions are about 15-20 mins long. Sometimes I think he would like to go longer but after a while my vagina hurts and he'd learned not to take too long
I wouldnt mind him doing that at all but he doesn't see the point of masterbating if he has a wife 馃檮
A couple things of interest here. Good thing you're dealing with this now, because this will (not may) be the source of long-term resentment down the road. I'm guessing it already is.

The masturbation thing might be key. What if, instead of you watching, you participate? Could you handle that twice a day, with PIV sex once?

Another thing is to focus on anticipation. Let him know not now but tonight, or whatever time, you'll be ready and it will be worth the wait. Of course, you have to come through on the "worth the wait" part.

And finally, strange as this may seem, given the frequency, frequency itself can be a sign of rejection issues. Even though you're giving in to his "needs" you're rejecting him at the same time. This leads to insecurities which fuels a sense of need.

The porn thing- be careful going down that road. Porn can be a deflection from discussing the real issues. But you say you watch it together. Does it do anything for you? Is there anything sexual that does it for you? If so, how do you bring that out more?
 

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I think you need to get him into marriage counseling and deal with the subject there because you already know he's not going to handle it well. It will be a deal breaker for him but having sex this often when you are not even in the mood and he's not even trying should be a deal breaker for you.
 

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You can say no. It is allowed.

I say that in jest because there does appear to be a problem.

Would this be part of a group of larger problems?

Do you want to have sex with him at all?
Yes I have a few posts on here about my relationship. I split them up bc they are all different and it i put them all together I would have wrote a book on here l.
And yes! I like being intimate with him, just not that much. Sometimes just cuddling would be nice lol
 

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Yes I have a few posts on here about my relationship. I split them up bc they are all different and it i put them all together I would have wrote a book on here l.
And yes! I like being intimate with him, just not that much. Sometimes just cuddling would be nice lol
Cuddling can be an issue for some, because it can be misinterpreted as being a prelude to sex. Have you considered looking for cuddling after sex? That's when I feel closest to my wife. If it's not a warm night, I could cuddle the whole night, either back to back or front to back, sometimes arm around her, sometimes her arm by my side and my arm holding hers.

I missed out on that for 40 years because she had deep-rooted issues with sex that turned out to have nothing to do with me. She missed out on that too, without understanding why. She wasn't able to understand what her rejection had done to me. And you're wondering, sex so often, how the hell can he think you're rejecting him? Yet, that's what might be happening, in his mind, and your reality. Rejection isn't entirely about quantity.

Don't get me wrong. You have no obligation to have sex on demand, multiple times per day, if that's not your thing. You have no obligation to experience pain during sex. I think the starting point for the two of you is to see sex as more than just PIV. Work on the mutual masturbation. And, if you can get there, work on anticipation. Sex can essentially be 24/7 in his mind, maybe even in yours, if you allow a build-up. Less physical sex might equal more sex. "If we could take a break tonight, you'll get everything you want tomorrow night... and more." And follow through, of course.
 

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And yes! I like being intimate with him, just not that much. Sometimes just cuddling would be nice lol
Just like couples struggling in a sexless marriage that use scheduling intimacy to try and get things back to normal, you can do the exact same. However you can schedule times that are specifically for nonsexual intimacy. Explain to your husband that you need something like that and schedule "no sex" to happen. During this moment you can focus just on cuddling without any anxiety that you have to have sex. In return, you can work out something that you can do for your husband as well like a nice back rub to help him enjoy calming things down and relaxing while being close to you.

Regards,
Badsanta
 

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Judging from a number of the posts here if it wasn鈥檛 about sex, it would be easy to mistake it for advice on how to handle a spoiled child. He鈥檚 an adult and he鈥檚 acting like a selfish, inconsiderate teenager. I suspect any conversation isn鈥檛 going to go well. I would tell him you are concerned that his constant demands are driving a wedge between the two of you and that if he loves you he鈥檒l agree to seeing a counselor, preferably one with experience in sexual issues in marriage. Sex should be a joy in a marriage, not a constant expectation whenever your spouse is bored. Your H needs to grow up and learn to handle his stress and boredom on his own.
 

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My husband likes to have sex...a lot. We have sex on the weekdays at least once a day sometimes twice. On some weekends he wants it 3-4 times a day.
I dont deny him most of the time even though most of the time i don't want it. I try not to complain and just "grin and bare " it, a lot of women tell me I should be glad he is chasing me around the room like that. But its become too much. I think since I'm on birth control and im a littl older(we met when I was 23) im just not the "rabbit" I used to be. My issue is that ANY time I dont want to have sex he gets a big attitude. Like huffing and puffin around the house. Just last weekend we had sex 3 times on Saturday, he woke up on Sunday wanting morning sex and I just stalled him. He knew i dodnt want it and slamed the door to the bathroom and didnt talk to me for at least an hour. Like how can he act so "deprived"? "Grinning and baring" isn't working anymore, he can sense that I'm not into having sex with him and will ask me why. BECAUSE WE JUST HAD SEX IM NOT IN THE MOOD. He wants me to want it as much as he does. I dont know what to do. I cant "grin and bare" it much longer.
Do you orgasm at all. I see you say he get's on ready or not that can be painful. I know the pill killed my libido. How was yours before you started taking it?
 

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Do you orgasm at all. I see you say he get's on ready or not that can be painful. I know the pill killed my libido. How was yours before you started taking it?
Not much anymore. At the beginning of our relationship our sex life was great. I could go a couple times a day AND I had orgasms every time. But since birth control i rarely get horny or orgasm. He always wanted more sex than I did though.
 

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Judging from a number of the posts here if it wasn鈥檛 about sex, it would be easy to mistake it for advice on how to handle a spoiled child. He鈥檚 an adult and he鈥檚 acting like a selfish, inconsiderate teenager. I suspect any conversation isn鈥檛 going to go well. I would tell him you are concerned that his constant demands are driving a wedge between the two of you and that if he loves you he鈥檒l agree to seeing a counselor, preferably one with experience in sexual issues in marriage. Sex should be a joy in a marriage, not a constant expectation whenever your spouse is bored. Your H needs to grow up and learn to handle his stress and boredom on his own.
And take matters into his own hand occasionally....
 
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Not much anymore. At the beginning of our relationship our sex life was great. I could go a couple times a day AND I had orgasms every time. But since birth control i rarely get horny or orgasm. He always wanted more sex than I did though.
While your husband has multiple issues that he needs to work on such as those other women friends, his attitude and such. You may want to consider which form or pill you use. I know I went on it when I got married so my husband could live the dream of no condoms and we didn't want children yet. But when my 3 month prescription came to an end I told him I was thinking about stopping it because I didn't like the way it was effecting me. He said oh thank god. I had stopped wanting sex and it effected my moods.
 

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Just like couples struggling in a sexless marriage that use scheduling intimacy to try and get things back to normal, you can do the exact same. However you can schedule times that are specifically for nonsexual intimacy. Explain to your husband that you need something like that and schedule "no sex" to happen. During this moment you can focus just on cuddling without any anxiety that you have to have sex. In return, you can work out something that you can do for your husband as well like a nice back rub to help him enjoy calming things down and relaxing while being close to you.

Regards,
Badsanta
Sex Therapists often use a variation on this by assigning Sensate Focus exercises that preclude PIV or even genital touching at first and only adding sensual massage and teasing, then genital touching and finally in later sessions PIV.
 
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