ive been married for 15 years. My wife and i met young and built a life together. i caught her cheating two years ago.
we went to counseling almsot immediately. the therapist explained her cheating grew out of a disconnect in our marriage, a failure to communicate, and a "grwoing up" of my wife, wanting different things in our life than i did.
My wife didnt deny the "growing up" part. the trouble is I saw her as shallow, selfish, and materialistic.....i would call it the "OC housewife" on steroids.
of course she said she was sorry and screwed up, but she was firm that the "new woman" she had become was here to stay. the shrink basically told me this is who she always was, just had never "grown into it". if i wanted the marriage to survive, i had to accept this new person.
well, NO THANK YOU. this isnt what i signed up for. I walked out and was content to try and live my life in a meaningful way to me.
after about a year, I met a young woman, who i completley identify with. Im not going to go into details, but we are a total match. We have had a great time, travelling together and enjoying many things together.
I kept this from my wife as we contemplated divorcing, i just didnt see any positive thing coming from her knowing about this and possibly making a divorce more difficult.
My wife found out anyway, and I didnt deny it. But now suddenly, my wife has figured out "how far off track" she was, how she "put priority and emphasis" on the wrong things..... how she now wants to make our marriage and me her new found center of focus.
I have been honest with the woman. I told her of my seperation and the fact that i was still married. she is pressing me hard to divorce her, and i dont blame her.
i guess the delima i am in is becasue of my kids. I have to middle school children caught up in the middle of this. if it wasnt for them, i would have already pushed hard for a divorce. Honestly, i want a divorce. I dont love my wife anymore the way i used too, i guess my "fire" has just burned out. But I am horribly conflicted, feeling like I am putting myself first, instead of trying to re-light my fire for my kids sake.
so would you forgive your wife, and forget about the affair and selfishness now on a "new found" understanding? is this possible? or is it that i found a new happiness that she now is feeling like she lost a good thing and just wants to get back to a guy that wasnt so bad afterall?
i lay awake in bed at night unable to sleep debating this.
if you have been in a similiar situation i would sure like to hear about how it worked out.
we went to counseling almsot immediately. the therapist explained her cheating grew out of a disconnect in our marriage, a failure to communicate, and a "grwoing up" of my wife, wanting different things in our life than i did.
My wife didnt deny the "growing up" part. the trouble is I saw her as shallow, selfish, and materialistic.....i would call it the "OC housewife" on steroids.
of course she said she was sorry and screwed up, but she was firm that the "new woman" she had become was here to stay. the shrink basically told me this is who she always was, just had never "grown into it". if i wanted the marriage to survive, i had to accept this new person.
well, NO THANK YOU. this isnt what i signed up for. I walked out and was content to try and live my life in a meaningful way to me.
after about a year, I met a young woman, who i completley identify with. Im not going to go into details, but we are a total match. We have had a great time, travelling together and enjoying many things together.
I kept this from my wife as we contemplated divorcing, i just didnt see any positive thing coming from her knowing about this and possibly making a divorce more difficult.
My wife found out anyway, and I didnt deny it. But now suddenly, my wife has figured out "how far off track" she was, how she "put priority and emphasis" on the wrong things..... how she now wants to make our marriage and me her new found center of focus.
I have been honest with the woman. I told her of my seperation and the fact that i was still married. she is pressing me hard to divorce her, and i dont blame her.
i guess the delima i am in is becasue of my kids. I have to middle school children caught up in the middle of this. if it wasnt for them, i would have already pushed hard for a divorce. Honestly, i want a divorce. I dont love my wife anymore the way i used too, i guess my "fire" has just burned out. But I am horribly conflicted, feeling like I am putting myself first, instead of trying to re-light my fire for my kids sake.
so would you forgive your wife, and forget about the affair and selfishness now on a "new found" understanding? is this possible? or is it that i found a new happiness that she now is feeling like she lost a good thing and just wants to get back to a guy that wasnt so bad afterall?
i lay awake in bed at night unable to sleep debating this.
if you have been in a similiar situation i would sure like to hear about how it worked out.