[Serenity_Prayer]

Today we told the kids, ages 5 and 10, that we're getting divorced. They cried a good long time, and the 10 yo has been asking questions all day, like "will we be going on family vacations together" and "you won't get married again will you?". The 5 yo keeps asking why daddy has to move away. The hurt they both felt was the worst part of the whole ordeal so far. I feel that after this, everything else has got to be easier.

 

[EleGirl]

So was "daddy" there as well to look them in the eye and tell them?

 

[legiox]

Man i feel for you. Thank god when my STBXW walked out we didn't have any kids. If I had a dollar for everytime someone told me "Man you dodge a major bullet" I would have 100 bucks.

 

[dumpedandhappy]

Wow, that is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I know that pain all too well.

Jan. 3rd, 2012: EX wanted me to tell them. So, as I was packing a bag to leave...upon the news of my EX's decision to end our marriage I decided to sleep elsewhere.... she had the kids come in, 15(girl) & 11(boy) yrs old.

Our kids are fantastic, you know that your kids are good when parents of their friends make comments about how polite they are, helpful, kind to their families when they are on playdates or such.

These two innocent children, the result of a love now lost, looking at me with fear and pain in their eyes. Tears. I hate tears, I hate it when people cry, it breaks my heart to see others in sorrow. Now it was my kids. Devastating.

So, with my silver tongue I used elequant phrases and told them of our love for them and how things would be just fine. Everytime I glanced over at my EX she just had this blank expression on her face.

I kept thinking, how can she do this to them? To me?
But I guess in hindsight, this was for the better, to hear it from me. Maybe my EX was too over-whelmed now after having just shattered a 23 year relationship....

My kids are so resilient. So calm and trusting of our intentions for them. They are doing so very well in all of this, in fact, they adapted so quickly and are seemingly unnaffected by the marital breakdown. Counsellors confirmed that they are adapting and have no further need for help.

My EX and I never fought in front of the kids, there was no bitterness or hatred. In fact on Jan. 2nd, 2012...I was loving and caring towards my EX, hugging her and kissing her and telling her of my love for her. The kids always saw this.

I wouldn't wish the Day of Explanation to the Kids on anyone who is a parent. It isn't something you can ever prepare for.

But in the end, the kids will be alright. They are resilient. My love of my two children is far greater than that I ever felt for my EX, and they are the only thing left now of a love lost between the EX and I. As products of love, they will go on in their lives and I pray to God that they will never have to repeat my efforts of Jan. 3rd, 2012.

 

[Garry2012]

This is the day i dread the most. We are headed to divorce (she is having an EA and a MLC), and she just wants out. We fought in front of my 10yo...he already cried thinking about us getting divorced. It keeps me up at night.

 

[Omgitsjoe]

Im so so sorry to hear this ...... my heart grieves when thinking about your children crying this way.

This is what makes me want to try harder and harder each day to keep things good with my wife. To not make a big deal about whatever and to keep my d**k in my pants ( not that any girlie would want it anyways ) but i would hate to have this conversation with my two boys one day.

I know its no consoldation but do remember that children are very resilient but do give them the extra hugging and love that they need at this time. Good luck to you and your family !

 

[Garry2012]

I guess if we fought alot and had a bad marriage, it would make more sense. My parents were TERRIBLE together. But I know our divorce will take my kids and her family completely off guard because we were always good together--before the MLC/EA hit. So, while i have been dealing with the shock myself, they will all have it soon enough.

At least i am keeping the family home...so they can have at least half the time in normalcy....or somewhat. Maybe that will soften the blow some.

 

[Serenity_Prayer]

Update: After that first terrible day, the kids have been doing OK. The 5 yo is focusing on daddy's move, trying to figure out what to keep at which house, and told me to buy another XBox so there will be one at each house. The 10 yo asks all kinds of relationship/life questions - will I be going back to my maiden name? Why are you getting divorced? Is it our fault? Will we be taking family vacations together? --This one made her cry until she realized she'd have two vacations next summer. Will I have more kids if I get married again? They've been more clingy but acting mostly normal, probably because daddy hasn't moved away so it's not 'real' yet. We've been doing a good job at keeping it civil so I'm sure that helps a lot. Kids! Ever resilient.

 

[Garry2012]

That makes me feel better for my upcoming day of discussion. Thanks.

 

[Conrad]

I think it's disgusting when a cheater dumps that responsibility on a betrayed spouse.

I'd make them do it.

 

[Garry2012]

Im closer to my kids than she is...and more sane at the moment. She will be there, but i will handle more of the brunt of it for sure.

 

[Conrad]

Im closer to my kids than she is...and more sane at the moment. She will be there, but i will handle more of the brunt of it for sure.

Sorry to hear that.

 

[Garry2012]

curious....when do you tell them? when you file? or when it is finalized?

 

[Garry2012]

texas is a 60 day process, so..once we file it will be a couple months...thinking after xmas...

 

[Jason439]

I'm also dreading this day. It is coming sooner than later I fear.

This thread has literally brought tears to my eyes. The worst part is the hurt my sons will feel.

I hope they will be as resilient as everyone has mentioned.

 

[PM720]

I will be telling my kids 2-3 days before I move out. Plan on leaving 12/1. I have been dreading this day since the moment we decided to split. Best wishes to you and the kids.

 

[5Creed]

Telling my children was absolutely one of the worst things I have ever gone through. My STBX kept putting it off; he had already moved out, so of course I was not going to let my kids just wonder day after day why Dad moved out. I made him come over however as there was no way I was doing that alone. When I think back to it, it is still upsetting. The hurt they had was almost unbearable.

The good thing is that the kids all got over this; and are happy and adjusted. Their Dad and I put aside our differences so we can co-parent and help them become the people they were meant to be and we never put them in the middle of any of our adult "stuff." They only have one childhood and did not ask for divorced parents; but it IS possible to do it right!

 

[Serenity_Prayer]

We (together) told our kids soon after the decision, before we told anyone else. We didn't want them to hear about it by accident from a family member or friend. Then, when grandma came to visit, I had to tell her ahead of time so she heard it from me and not the kids. Still haven't filed, although we've interviewed a divorce mediator and will soon be going to our first session.

 

[RandomDude]

This is going to be tough, I will have to deal with this tomorrow
I'm pretty much breaking a promise to my daughter as well in doing this, a promise I should not have promised

I hope I have the strength you had when you told your kids

 

[Garry2012]

We are not telling the kids until after the holidays. It will devastate them. I am not going to my STBXW house for thanksgiving (also happens to be her birthday) for the first time in 17 years. I am nervous at how they will take that..much less our impending divorce. I fully expect her family will suspect something is seriously wrong...not sure she has even thought about it...as lost in the fog as she is.