Joined
·
4 Posts
I am a 29 year old Indian guy who had a cross cultural love marriage. My wife is 27 and we have been married for an year. Our courtship period was around 2 years while the rest was long distance. From last six months we have been able to stay together due to my transfer of job in the same city as her.
During our courtship everything was awesome. We used to get intimate whenever and where-ever possible (3 years back). Once, I started living with her (this year) after marriage I found out she is not at all responsive. Even she is not comfortable with me hugging her or kissing. We have not had sex a single time after marriage. In the beginning, she gave me an excuse that she has a very tough job and she is tired and all crap. I gave it sometime. Later things didn’t improve. One fine day, after coaxing her she told that she is “not able to connect/ relate with me mentally”. I fell from the sky. I told her I am accepting you the way you are. Then she told stuff like you stay like a bachelor, and there are no good qualities in me other me being a good human being. I had even started suspecting her fidelity with a office colleague. She denies it all the time. I am torn from inside. How can I person change so much was my initial thought. What if she is depressed or having some psychosomatic disorder. I proposed we go to a psychiatrist. She said she is absolutely perfect and I was sick. Then I told her about marriage counseling. She wasn’t really keen on it but told it was better than visiting a shrink. We have had 4 sessions so far, the last one being the first joint session. The problem is I love her very much and I emotionally needy whereas she is not. I told her in-numerous times how much I would like to be hugged or be texted at work. But, alas its always been one way. I am told by my counsellor, I want to make it work/re-kindle the spark I have to do whats my conscience tells me/ whats right to do without expecting anything back from her in return. Thats seems to be the hardest part. When I start working upon it, I seem to have faith but soon it get negated by her response. The counselor has also told us to spend 20 minutes daily to talk to each other (without any distractions). So far since our appointment since Sunday, it hasn’t taken place because my wife pointed out she was too busy.
I still hope its not the end. The reason I want to still try is because I don’t want to feel guilty later that I didn’t not try. I want to have an approach like “Hope for the best, expect for the worst”. But, counselor says, you have to have 100 % faith. Its just that I don’t want to get hurt again and again and again.
Please advice…..
During our courtship everything was awesome. We used to get intimate whenever and where-ever possible (3 years back). Once, I started living with her (this year) after marriage I found out she is not at all responsive. Even she is not comfortable with me hugging her or kissing. We have not had sex a single time after marriage. In the beginning, she gave me an excuse that she has a very tough job and she is tired and all crap. I gave it sometime. Later things didn’t improve. One fine day, after coaxing her she told that she is “not able to connect/ relate with me mentally”. I fell from the sky. I told her I am accepting you the way you are. Then she told stuff like you stay like a bachelor, and there are no good qualities in me other me being a good human being. I had even started suspecting her fidelity with a office colleague. She denies it all the time. I am torn from inside. How can I person change so much was my initial thought. What if she is depressed or having some psychosomatic disorder. I proposed we go to a psychiatrist. She said she is absolutely perfect and I was sick. Then I told her about marriage counseling. She wasn’t really keen on it but told it was better than visiting a shrink. We have had 4 sessions so far, the last one being the first joint session. The problem is I love her very much and I emotionally needy whereas she is not. I told her in-numerous times how much I would like to be hugged or be texted at work. But, alas its always been one way. I am told by my counsellor, I want to make it work/re-kindle the spark I have to do whats my conscience tells me/ whats right to do without expecting anything back from her in return. Thats seems to be the hardest part. When I start working upon it, I seem to have faith but soon it get negated by her response. The counselor has also told us to spend 20 minutes daily to talk to each other (without any distractions). So far since our appointment since Sunday, it hasn’t taken place because my wife pointed out she was too busy.
I still hope its not the end. The reason I want to still try is because I don’t want to feel guilty later that I didn’t not try. I want to have an approach like “Hope for the best, expect for the worst”. But, counselor says, you have to have 100 % faith. Its just that I don’t want to get hurt again and again and again.
Please advice…..