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Discussion Starter #1
Some advice or insights would be great. Thank you in advance.

So the wife and I have been separated for about 5 months she has filed for divorce...before we were separated she stopped wearing her wedding ring..and she put it inside my gun case....so when our marriage got sour..and I moved out I naturally took the ring as I noticed she did not care and not value it anymore..well now she is demanding it back..saying it is hers...the ring is valued at 9k...I heard in the grapevine that she is hurting for money so she wants it back so she could sell it. I told her hell no "That ring comes with a husband and represents out vows that you decided to spit on" What would you do?
 

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Many states consider the wedding rigs as gifts to each party, so in that case it would be her's. If you hold on to it, she can ask for it in the divorce settlement. Depending on your state laws she would get it back or they would be assets of the marriage.
 

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Yeah I was afraid of that....what if I can prove that she tried to destroy it..or kinda gave it back to me.....would that fly? Im in CA by the way.
 

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I'd hold it for now, and ask my lawyer. Like anchor said, all of this will wash out in the D settlement.

Would someone actually give you $9K for it, or is that what you paid? Could be a big difference.
 

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I'd hold it for now, and ask my lawyer. Like anchor said, all of this will wash out in the D settlement.

Would someone actually give you $9K for it, or is that what you paid? Could be a big difference.
Well I appraised it and the appraiser said I could get at least 60% of the value if we tried to sell it...still a nice chunk of money...yeah 9k was what I paid when new and I know I wont get that now.
 

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I'm assuming you are talking about the engagement ring as that is what holds the most value, right? If so then the engagement ring was given to her and accepted on the promise that you'd one day get married. Well, you two got married so that contract was fulfilled. In my opinion it is the wedding band that symbolizes the vows. So if your point is that she didn't value the ring because she spit on the vows then take back the band; not the engagement ring.

I know you took it and are keeping it out of spite. Believe you me, I would have done the same exact thing! So please don't get me wrong. Spite wins first with me every time. But I eventually reach a reasonable compromise.

Do you two have kids? If she really needs the money and you don't then I say give it to her. But if you need the money too then sell it and split the cash. But please beware because this may set a precedent for other things. If she has any of your possessions she may, out of spite, sell them and give you half the cash. This tit-for-tat thing can get ugly. Maybe keep it as a bargining chip if you need one? I'll give you this if you give me that......

I say, pick your battles.
 

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Since it is her's she could do anything she wants with it. Sell it, destroy it, throw it in to the ocean, ect. As for kinda give it back, kinda doesn't fly in the courts. What might fly is that she file charges that you stole it. That's worth quite a bit of change. Tell your lawyer you have it and get his advice. I'm sure he is in touch with her lawyer and he'll know you have it soon enough.

A better revenge is to show her you don't give a eff what she does with anything.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
I'm assuming you are talking about the engagement ring as that is what holds the most value, right? If so then the engagement ring was given to her and accepted on the promise that you'd one day get married. Well, you two got married so that contract was fulfilled. In my opinion it is the wedding band that symbolizes the vows. So if your point is that she didn't value the ring because she spit on the vows then take back the band; not the engagement ring.

I know you took it and are keeping it out of spite. Believe you me, I would have done the same exact thing! So please don't get me wrong. Spite wins first with me every time. But I eventually reach a reasonable compromise.

Do you two have kids? If she really needs the money and you don't then I say give it to her. But if you need the money too then sell it and split the cash. But please beware because this may set a precedent for other things. If she has any of your possessions she may, out of spite, sell them and give you half the cash. This tit-for-tat thing can get ugly. Maybe keep it as a bargining chip if you need one? I'll give you this if you give me that......

I say, pick your battles.
LOL dang this got technical lol!!! I wish at fault divorces still exist sometimes...She had an affair and she is going to clean me out...SUCKS!!!!
 

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Technically if she took it off and gave it back to you by putting it in your property (gun case) you could argue that fact. But then it'll have to goto court and in the end would probably end up costing more money than giving her the ring back.

How much money do you want to spend to prove who it belongs to at this point? Give it back to her and let her pawn it off, the faster you can get her out of your life the happier you'll be.

Is it a wedding ring bought prior to getting married or right when you got married? Rings/jewelry are usually considered gifts and not affected by community property laws. If you bought it for her as a gift then she gets to keep it, if she bought it herself or paid for it with a joint account or credit card, talk to a lawyer and ask how much it'll cost you to prove your point.
 

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Best case scenario is that you sell it and give her 1/2 the proceeds. But ya, ask your lawyer first. Cause doing that could get you in a whole lot of trouble. But then, California is a community property state, so even if you gave her a gift, once married it was a community asset that you half own.
 

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Best case scenario is that you sell it and give her 1/2 the proceeds. But ya, ask your lawyer first. Cause doing that could get you in a whole lot of trouble. But then, California is a community property state, so even if you gave her a gift, once married it was a community asset that you half own.
No, a gift will not be considered community property because it was given to her for her sole use only. Once married the ring belongs to the wife and it doesn't get split down the middle.

So remember, never say it's a gift but a purchase for the both of us and our love together and get it down in writing lol.
 

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Divorce Property in California - Who Gets the Wedding Rings

This California divorce lawyer says that the ring is part of the community property.
There in lies the problem. Getting lawyers to duke it out to see if it was a gift or not. She could argue the fact that they chose out the rings prior to getting married and he paid for them before the marriage and it was a gift from him to her.

He could argue that the wedding rings were bought as a set for the marriage and thus should be included in the community property.

It all comes down to how much money he's willing to spend to see who wins. The law isn't about being fair anymore it's about the one who can work the system the best in favor of their client.

IMO,

Talk to the ex and see if you can sell and split the proceeds outside of lawyers and courts (not a likely scenario but the best)

If that doesn't work then talk to your lawyer, hand him/her the ring for safe keeping and let him deal with it. But ask the lawyer would it cost more to fight over it or let her keep it and then decide.

Wedding/Engagement rings are a big contention (aside from kids) since they probably have the most emotional value for one or both sides.

We're talking about the wedding ring right and not the engagement ring? The wedding rings are the 2 bands you buy for both husband and wife and usually are community property. Engagement ring is almost always a gift and that's hers to keep.

It's all about how good each lawyer is and how much money each side wants to pour down the drain to win.
 

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Cheatinghubby, please disclose if you are an attorney licensed to practice law in California, or not, so that people reading know whether to take your legal advice or the advice of the licensed California attorneys that I linked to.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
To be honest its the principal of the whole thing....She has been contacting me like a bratty little girl demanding her ring back..and I have not responded if the court orders me to give it back to her I will.....I have no huge money issues....but as of now I am holding on . to it. She stated to me and I qoute "If you dont give me back my ring...I will put it down with the divorce papers including your 401K" We have only been married for 3 and half years....man she is a monster.
 

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Cheatinghubby, please disclose if you are an attorney licensed to practice law in California, or not, so that people reading know whether to take your legal advice or the advice of the licensed California attorneys that I linked to.
No, I'm not a lawyer but when I talked to a lawyer about divorce my wife and asking about our assets he told me let her keep the ring if she wants it.

And I never told him to take my advice I told him he should either work it out with her in selling the ring and splitting the profits or talk to his lawyer and ask how much it could cost to keep the ring. Please read the post.

Couple years back when i was contemplating divorcing my wife over other issues.

Lawyer told me she gets the engagement ring hands down I can't fight it since I did buy the ring and pay for it myself and gave it to her as a gift. The wedding band is usually community property but when and if the fight gets ugly it could end up costing me more than what the ring was worth.

I paid $3k for 3 consultations (well 4, the 1st was free). Lawyer basically told me, how quickly did I want to get the divorce done and how much money I would be willing to spend would all depend on how much i was going to nitpick over every single item that came up.

Like someone said pick your battles and please don't tell me that I'm advising him to do something. I SPECIFICALLY stated that he should talk to his lawyer. All I'm trying to get across is that it could cost him more in the long run but he should still contact his lawyer and ask them how much it might cost to fight over it.

And with our family business I have to deal with lawyers on a constant basis over contracts, disputes with clients, employees etc.. They all say the same thing how much do I want to spend to win. It sucks but sometimes it's cheaper to pay up even though you were not in the wrong.
 

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I definitely agree with that. Pick your battles. And don't do anything without your lawyers approval, including selling or giving it to her.

Re: your 401(k), was it substantial when you married? Of course you got a pre-nup because of this substantial asset, right?
 

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To be honest its the principal of the whole thing....She has been contacting me like a bratty little girl demanding her ring back..and I have not responded if the court orders me to give it back to her I will.....I have no huge money issues....but as of now I am holding on . to it. She stated to me and I qoute "If you dont give me back my ring...I will put it down with the divorce papers including your 401K" We have only been married for 3 and half years....man she is a monster.
Then you should want to be rid of her as fast as you can. Forget the drama and grief, that's all that principle brings in this case. Don't do anything to delay the process. Get on with your life and live it happy. If she's a cheat and a liar, things will never go well for her. The best karma will be that you live a happy and healthy life with out her.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
I definitely agree with that. Pick your battles. And don't do anything without your lawyers approval, including selling or giving it to her.

Re: your 401(k), was it substantial when you married? Of course you got a pre-nup because of this substantial asset, right?
No prenup because Im an idiot and believed she was actually going to love me my whole life.....I was wrong....I was told by my lawyer that there is a way I can keep my 401k Since we were only married for 3 and half years and she did not once add to it..its through my place of business.
 
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