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When I first found this site and decided to wade in was because of another man ....his Handle is lonelygent (something like that) and his story was very similar to how my wife had been treating me up until approximately 1 yr ago. I think her attitude towards me has changed because I no longer pester her for sex and I had also fundamentally changed as man. I not a better man, but I am a very happy man




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OK but that doesn't really answer my question or provide any meaningful background info.

Are you or are you not having sex with your wife at this time? (as in have you had sex a number of times in 2018)
 

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How is that fair?
i like how you list the reasons other people might not get divorced, tell us that none of that applies to you, and decide that you'd rather cheat than give her a couple years worth of alimony.

not like you can't afford it dude, you'd just rather cheat to spite her.
 

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Discussion Starter #24
In your first post one month and one day ago you state that you and your wife both said that you each wanted to have sex with each other more.



In some of your other posts you state that you aren't cheating.



Could you please clarify and provide more background and detail.

Up until a couple of years ago I wasn’t cheating. When I am home (the State that I live in ) with my wife I am 100% a husband.

Sex, yes but I don’t enjoy duty sex ...we are naked in bed she was all over me and then she changes ..... starts pulling away from me.

I ask what is wrong and she says she is no longer in the mood maybe in the morning. I say that won’t work I am playing golf in the morning. She says well maybe is you were to go down on me I’ll get back in the mood.
( The me from 3 years ago would get right on that). The current me says ...... I have a better idea, You give me some head and maybe that will put you back into the mood.

Needless to say she was a bit flustered... the following day we had a long and somewhat heated conversation about what I was willing to put up with and what I was sick and tired of . I have had some sex with my wife this year and it has felt like duty sex ( If My cell was on the night stand I might of got on facebook)


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I married the love of my life right out of college great marriage for the first 7-9 years then the sex started to taper off....yada yada yada....dozens of stories just like mine.

The advise given here is to get divorced or at least serve papers and be legally separated.

Well we all have reasons to stay in a sexless marriage.
The children is one reason.
We like our life style
Some couples cannot afford to live separate
Some like myself do not want to reward poor behavior.

Imagine being in a loving relationship lots of sex, we have no children together. I don’t particularly like her family and rarely see them. I do not have much family as i was an only child

The company I work for prefers their executives to be married for image sake.

My personal point of view is this; I have a great marriage, a beautiful wife who is well educated, she holds two masters
and speaks several languages. We rarely argue and never fight. My lawyer tells me despite all her credentials
She has never held a paying job so she will most likely get 1/2 of my stuff.

How is that fair? So I travel a lot and have 2 lovers one here in the States the other one a different continent.

What could go wrong



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The bolded reveals a lot in regards to how you think.
 

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Discussion Starter #27
i like how you list the reasons other people might not get divorced, tell us that none of that applies to you, and decide that you'd rather cheat than give her a couple years worth of alimony.



not like you can't afford it dude, you'd just rather cheat to spite her.


The vast majority of opinions here when talking about a sexless marriage is either Live with it, work it out through MC or some other way or divorce. I am pointing out that there is a 4th option.

I reached a point where I could no longer tolerate the way I was being treated.

I tried MC ......i was willing to do anything to make our marriage work.

Divorce is not an option for me for many reasons ....money isn’t one of them.

The 4th option is to find a woman who fills the void or several women if necessary.






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Discussion Starter #28
Maybe your wife is smarter than what you think.

Maybe she all ready knows about your cheating.

Maybe she does not want to have sex with you

because of fear of STDs.

Maybe she is just waiting until she has enough

evidence to take over half your income.

Maybe she knows since you stated she is

beautiful, loving, highly educated (two master degree)

that after she divorces you for cheating she will

have no problem finding someone else. AND BETTER!!

You should seriously take a look at what you are

going to lose and try and fix it first. If it cannot

be fixed, divorce first then find someone else.

Since your job prefers you to be married,

do not treat your wife as arm candy or window

dressing.


It is a two way street, my wife uses me in a similar way “window dressing”. All her friends, mostly over educated snobs.





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Discussion Starter #29
So basically what your post tells me is that you don't actually care about your wife's feelings as a human being, and you aren't willing to put any effort into fixing the intimate part of your relationship. You got her in the first place because she was useful for your image and for sex. Now that the sex is dwindling, you want to replace her except that you aren't willing to accept the financial consequences, so you are outsourcing just the sex part?



Women are people too, not just a resource to toss away when it starts to age and operate less smoothly.


Wow! That is an interesting spin......totally wrong. Now if I were t(e kind of guy who didn’t care about her feelings she probably wouldn’t be the way she is.

As I see it the nice guys are the ones women walk all over. The husband that is working 10-16 hrs daily, the husband that would like to go fishing but has to work weekends because his wife refuses to work period.


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Wow! That is an interesting spin......totally wrong. Now if I were t(e kind of guy who didn’t care about her feelings she probably wouldn’t be the way she is.
You're cheating on her. How can you possibly convince us that you care about her feelings?

As I see it the nice guys are the ones women walk all over. The husband that is working 10-16 hrs daily, the husband that would like to go fishing but has to work weekends because his wife refuses to work period.
So don't let her walk all over you. If she won't work, don't work yourself extra to make up the difference. Just limit the household spending till she gets frustrated.

"Sorry honey, we can't afford those clothes/makeup/haircuts for you. Sorry honey, we can't afford a trip like that. Sorry honey, we can't afford that car. None of that is possible on my single income."

Marriage is teamwork.
 

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Hmm

If you got it all figured out then why did you post on here?

I have been on this board for quite awhile and others that gave their opinion have also. We have lived it read about it and seen it play out numerous times!

You can lead a horse to water.....

So now I will give you what you came for..... your right man yea just hook up on the side f her.


Now you can sleep easy tonight. No guilt.

But don't be suprised when you look back after you get caught and your world gets knocked off kilter.

Then you will be on here giving the same advice that you didn't take yourself.


Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter #33
why is a woman with two masters degrees not working? If you were to D, you would really want her to have a job nominally equivalent to yours to avoid alimony. Also, alimony is less the shorter the marriage, so D now to save $.


She doesn’t need the money, she does some volunteer work.
I do not want a divorce.
My wife is content in her life
As am I
Divorce isn’t always the answer, it is not my answer that is a fact.


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You do not have that kind of power.


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There was no point to your post as far as I can see. You didn't ask for advice. You openly admitted to and attempted to justify your cheating. My question is simple: What do you want from us?
Possible answers that I can think of:
admiration
approval
absolution
 

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A she's already cheating and being just as careful and smug as u are
B she does get half everything when this all comes crashing down which it will.

If she's not already cheating I pray u slip up, again which u will and she takes u to the cleaners.

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So why cheat? Just be honest, Honey i dont ****ing want to **** YOU anymore. im GOING TO GET (ME) sum wheres else.

Classic, selfish entitled *******..... Im sorry for your wife, because YOU DONT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.
 

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I'm not going to judge your life choices but your company prefers their executives to be married? That's just weird and it's certainly not a reason to stay married IMO.
 
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