Everyone has their own opinions & their own “red line”. While some absolutely will not consider staying together after their partner has cheated, others are willing to fight to fix the brokenness... & it CAN be done!
You have to decide if YOU want to fix yours. If the answer is yes, admit your own faults & let her decide if she wants to fix the mess with you. If you continue to lie/cover up your own wrongs, you aren’t fixing the mess at all - only putting a temporary bandaid on it.
If you both decide it’s worth attempting to fix together, don’t let anyone tell you it can’t or shouldn’t be done. At the end of the day, YOU (& your wife) have to live with your choices - not us.
Let me also add... I am with Happiness27 in having gone through this as well. We could even compare to say who was “worse” if we wanted to... mine was a 1-time deal w/ a friend who I admitted on my own w/o being questioned VS my SO was a 3 mo affair w/ plans being made to start a new life together & I caught them after much denial on their part/digging on my part... but in the end, wrong is wrong regardless of who was worse. If she’s worth fighting for, prove it!!
My husband and I went through this and we laid all our cards out on the table. This is not for the faint of heart. We made it but it was a lot of hell. The only way we made it through it was to turn towards each other with full commitment to our relationship - and a commitment to unabashed total honesty going forward. NO SECRETS.
My heart goes out to both of you and the courage you both will need to make the decisions ahead. I HIGHLY recommend finding a REALLY GOOD marriage counselor. I really don't recommend going this by yourselves. This is serious.
Listen, this is fact: people have affairs. They just DO. Some folks do not but other people do so it's not uncommon and she and you are not demons for it. It's NOT the end of the world or the marriage if both people decide to re-commit and go forward with complete, total openness and honesty and get to the heart of their commitment with each other.
Affairs are these fairytales. They should call them "Affairytales" for that reason. What you and your wife have is what is real.
1. If I admit, we would have a starting point for forgiveness. If I continue to deny, she may never believe me and thus, never be able to forgive.
2. If I admit, she could be so upset that I denied for years, that she may not be open to reconciliation.
3. If I continue to deny, what happens if she knows more than she has admitted concerning the affair? At that point, I would think the reconciliation would be dead because she would have no way to trust me.
I know I screwed up by not admitting from the start....so please, don't waste space talking about that. Please just let me know your thoughts/suggestions in the event we do decide we are able/willing to save the marriage.
Of course you should admit it. This is your wife you are talking about. She should be the one person in the world that you completely confide in and completely trust. Yes, you screwed up that trust horribly and she may be doing the same to you. But why live a lie forever?
Hi. I am Nicki. Me and my husband got married on 14 March 2000. That means that we have celebrated our 20 year anniversary this year. I hope to find some friendship here, learn from you all and perhaps share some of the things I have learn through my marriage. My husbands name starts with a W...
Let me first start of apologizing for the length of this post. I feel like everyone might need the background to understand the whole story.
That being said here goes...
My wife and I met 17 years ago. We dated for 4 years before we got married, this year will be our 14 year anniversary.
New here, I (27) and my wife (26) have been married for almost a year now. But we’ve been in a relationship since October 2016. My sexual orientation is Pansexual which my wife knows and her orientation is Straight. This has never been a problem for us because when I’m with...
We have been married almost 2 years and have had some difficult times. To lay out some context, I am 26 and she is 24. She is black and I am white. She lost her mom when she was 5 and her dad when she was 20, both to cancer. She has some serious trauma from these difficult situations. Anyways we...