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I am newly married and am looking for some tips on how to keep my marriage strong. What are some real-life tips and maybe even examples on how to keep your marriage strong and going?
Tips for newlyweds?
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1. Marriage is an adjustment. It takes work, and it takes time. Give it both of them.
2. Marriage isn't easy. See 1.
3. You will disagree. This is ok. But have your disagreements in private - in public (and that includes with family - and your children when they come) you are one, united in thought, word and deed.
4. When you have your private disagreements, finish them. Don't sulk, don't let things fester. Do take time, listen, and be honest. Always tell eachother that you love eachother, even if you don't agree (and you don't have to agree on everything - in private. Only on everything that matters.)
5. When children come - A wife is not just a mother, and a husband is not just a father. You are still lovers. The best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother, and vice versa.
6. No secrets (unless it's a surprise holiday, or other private present.) Tell eachother everything, and be interested in eachother. Even if you're not interested in the subject for its own sake (like what they do for work) you're interested because it's them.
7. Spend time together. Without anyone else. Cultivate your relationship at least as much as when you were dating - after all, it's more important now! Adjustments may have to be made for work, health, etc - but never neglect your primary relationship. It's more important than all your other relationships.
8. If something is bothering you, talk. If something isn't bothering you - talk. Leave notes. Send texts. Emails. Voice messages. All forms of communication - use them.
9. The first year is the hardest. You don't know how to get over problems, how to resolve problems and how to make the adjustments you need to to share your space with someone else. You will. Take the time and make the effort - it gets better.
10. And the sex gets better too. Over time, as you learn what you want and need, and what they want and need, you find yourselves having the best sex you can possibly have - it only comes with time, and communication, and lots of practice.
There will be trials, and stress, and difficulties - external pressures, financial ones, demands from lots of directions. But as you hold together, and share the problems with eachother, dealing with them, together, you can overcome them, together, and grow stronger because of them.
I love being married. best thing that ever happened to me.
2. Marriage isn't easy. See 1.
3. You will disagree. This is ok. But have your disagreements in private - in public (and that includes with family - and your children when they come) you are one, united in thought, word and deed.
4. When you have your private disagreements, finish them. Don't sulk, don't let things fester. Do take time, listen, and be honest. Always tell eachother that you love eachother, even if you don't agree (and you don't have to agree on everything - in private. Only on everything that matters.)
5. When children come - A wife is not just a mother, and a husband is not just a father. You are still lovers. The best thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother, and vice versa.
6. No secrets (unless it's a surprise holiday, or other private present.) Tell eachother everything, and be interested in eachother. Even if you're not interested in the subject for its own sake (like what they do for work) you're interested because it's them.
7. Spend time together. Without anyone else. Cultivate your relationship at least as much as when you were dating - after all, it's more important now! Adjustments may have to be made for work, health, etc - but never neglect your primary relationship. It's more important than all your other relationships.
8. If something is bothering you, talk. If something isn't bothering you - talk. Leave notes. Send texts. Emails. Voice messages. All forms of communication - use them.
9. The first year is the hardest. You don't know how to get over problems, how to resolve problems and how to make the adjustments you need to to share your space with someone else. You will. Take the time and make the effort - it gets better.
10. And the sex gets better too. Over time, as you learn what you want and need, and what they want and need, you find yourselves having the best sex you can possibly have - it only comes with time, and communication, and lots of practice.
There will be trials, and stress, and difficulties - external pressures, financial ones, demands from lots of directions. But as you hold together, and share the problems with eachother, dealing with them, together, you can overcome them, together, and grow stronger because of them.
I love being married. best thing that ever happened to me.
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Two things I had trouble with at first:
- What took me a while to realize at first is we're a team, it's not just me and her, it's us. I'm not saying put her/his needs before your own but, particularly early on, you should almost do that or at least think about doing that.
- You're now married, congrats, don't take marriage and your spouse for granted, it's a long road.
Then have fun, and if you're not having fun you're doing something wrong.
- What took me a while to realize at first is we're a team, it's not just me and her, it's us. I'm not saying put her/his needs before your own but, particularly early on, you should almost do that or at least think about doing that.
- You're now married, congrats, don't take marriage and your spouse for granted, it's a long road.
Then have fun, and if you're not having fun you're doing something wrong.
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61 Posts
There will be lots of ups and downs throughout your marriage, for different reasons, and it's normal. When you're going through a low point, don't get discouraged.
Try and work together instead of against each other, especially when you disagree. You both will have to give in at times. Choose your battles.
Don't ever stop talking to one another. Communication is so important!
Learn how to forgive. Loving your spouse means knowing they aren't perfect, and loving them anyway. You both will make mistakes along the way and that's okay.
Try and work together instead of against each other, especially when you disagree. You both will have to give in at times. Choose your battles.
Don't ever stop talking to one another. Communication is so important!
Learn how to forgive. Loving your spouse means knowing they aren't perfect, and loving them anyway. You both will make mistakes along the way and that's okay.
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119 Posts
For newly weds, it comes with great changes. Couples must know on how handle these things.
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1,969 Posts
Thank you all for sharing!
I've been married for 21 years. If I could go back I would have studied more about relationship dynamics or sought therapy. As it was I was just an immature person without boundaries, without communication skills and I for sure didn't know how to fight fair. I also didn't realize what it meant to be married to a 'nice' passive man. I was a hot head and that didn't bode well for marriage.
Marriage was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It's taken literally years for us to learn how to relate to one another.
Oh one more thing consider that you WILL recreate your respective parents marriages. So if there were problems there be alert that they 'could' pop up in your marriage as well. I didn't know that but sure enough that's exactly what we did. It's taken some effort to rewrite the script but we have done it.
Marriage was a lot harder than I thought it would be. It's taken literally years for us to learn how to relate to one another.
Oh one more thing consider that you WILL recreate your respective parents marriages. So if there were problems there be alert that they 'could' pop up in your marriage as well. I didn't know that but sure enough that's exactly what we did. It's taken some effort to rewrite the script but we have done it.
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864 Posts
I got a book from my grand parents called 1001 things every Teen should know before they leave home
It's got some interesting advice in the marriage/relationship section. Here are some highlights:
468. They should know to marry character.
471. They should know relationships are like anything else: they'll grow with a little love, a little watering and not too much heat.
477. They should know some people would rather work 15 hours a day than go home to a person who loves them. And marrying them doesn't change them.
480. They should know that seeking perfection in a mate will assue them of a lifetime of loneliness and disappointment.
497. They should know that if the credit history of the person they're engaged to is shaky, marriage won't make them any more responsible.
499. They should know that when compassion, forgiveness, kindness, and gentleness leave a relationship, love is not too far behind.
500. They should know that if a person breaks their heart time and again, it will happen again.
507. They should learn the art of seeing the other point of view.
508. They should know old highschool friends are rarely welcome in an adult relationship.
518. They should know they can either be happy or they can be right. People who are right all the itme are single.
523. They should know to not focus on the other person's faults. Or the ist of faults will keep getting longer.
528. They should know successful relationships are based on common values, shared morals, and good old fashioned commitment.
530. They should know most couples would rather stick stick needles in their eyes than talk about finances and sex. And both need to be talked about.
540. They should know if people don't find emotional intimacy in a relationship, they might look for it someplace else.
544. They should know that after the "bloom" wears off, love is a decision.
It's got some interesting advice in the marriage/relationship section. Here are some highlights:
468. They should know to marry character.
471. They should know relationships are like anything else: they'll grow with a little love, a little watering and not too much heat.
477. They should know some people would rather work 15 hours a day than go home to a person who loves them. And marrying them doesn't change them.
480. They should know that seeking perfection in a mate will assue them of a lifetime of loneliness and disappointment.
497. They should know that if the credit history of the person they're engaged to is shaky, marriage won't make them any more responsible.
499. They should know that when compassion, forgiveness, kindness, and gentleness leave a relationship, love is not too far behind.
500. They should know that if a person breaks their heart time and again, it will happen again.
507. They should learn the art of seeing the other point of view.
508. They should know old highschool friends are rarely welcome in an adult relationship.
518. They should know they can either be happy or they can be right. People who are right all the itme are single.
523. They should know to not focus on the other person's faults. Or the ist of faults will keep getting longer.
528. They should know successful relationships are based on common values, shared morals, and good old fashioned commitment.
530. They should know most couples would rather stick stick needles in their eyes than talk about finances and sex. And both need to be talked about.
540. They should know if people don't find emotional intimacy in a relationship, they might look for it someplace else.
544. They should know that after the "bloom" wears off, love is a decision.
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23 Posts
I had a happy marriage but it failed. I thought we were very happy.
However looking back I could have made more of an effort in going on date nights and that sort of thing. I dont know though, she seemed happy.
It ended up that we lacked a certain amount of emotional intimacy but this was just something I kind of overlooked. She sort of used me for approval from her family and money and a child.
It gets hard sometimes when your wife has complete domestic control of everything and you feel yourself shirking in the shadows of the marriage. So always try to make it both partners have a fair say about decisions that impact them.
Be wary of changes in behaviour. Things like a sudden obsession with world of warcraft and social media and if they start hiding things. If you find out they are trying or intending to cheat. End it then.
Good luck,
Goobertron
However looking back I could have made more of an effort in going on date nights and that sort of thing. I dont know though, she seemed happy.
It ended up that we lacked a certain amount of emotional intimacy but this was just something I kind of overlooked. She sort of used me for approval from her family and money and a child.
It gets hard sometimes when your wife has complete domestic control of everything and you feel yourself shirking in the shadows of the marriage. So always try to make it both partners have a fair say about decisions that impact them.
Be wary of changes in behaviour. Things like a sudden obsession with world of warcraft and social media and if they start hiding things. If you find out they are trying or intending to cheat. End it then.
Good luck,
Goobertron
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751 Posts
40 years married here (I am 58, my wife is 57...you do the math!!)
First of all there is NOTHING...work...kids...friends...family...
NOTHING as important as your relationship!
Second: Have date nights (especially when the kids come) and keep the passion HOT!!
And finally, here is a reading that we have framed and keep in our bedroom. Live by it:
Start by giving freely, expecting nothing in return. Say easily both “I’m sorry” and “You’re forgiven.” Find one new interest to share each year you’re together. Give small gifts frequently and when not expected. Compliment each other, especially in front of friends (and family). Never bury anger or resentment, it will only produce bitterness and a hardened heart. Always listen to and respect each other’s opinions especially when they differ. Work equally hard on your relationship as you do in any career or outside interest. Never assume your loved one knows how you feel about them...unexpressed love has no power at all, but love spoken and shared brings joy. Treasure peace between you more than being right or having the last word. Know that there is no greater reward for loving than to grow old enjoying the life you’ve created together.
Congratulations and may your marriage long endure!
First of all there is NOTHING...work...kids...friends...family...
NOTHING as important as your relationship!
Second: Have date nights (especially when the kids come) and keep the passion HOT!!
And finally, here is a reading that we have framed and keep in our bedroom. Live by it:
Start by giving freely, expecting nothing in return. Say easily both “I’m sorry” and “You’re forgiven.” Find one new interest to share each year you’re together. Give small gifts frequently and when not expected. Compliment each other, especially in front of friends (and family). Never bury anger or resentment, it will only produce bitterness and a hardened heart. Always listen to and respect each other’s opinions especially when they differ. Work equally hard on your relationship as you do in any career or outside interest. Never assume your loved one knows how you feel about them...unexpressed love has no power at all, but love spoken and shared brings joy. Treasure peace between you more than being right or having the last word. Know that there is no greater reward for loving than to grow old enjoying the life you’ve created together.
Congratulations and may your marriage long endure!
Joined
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16,640 Posts
Have no secrets from each other
Spend quality time together
Take the blame when you should
Never fault-find or assign blame
Do the little unexpected things for each other
Laugh and cry together
Always take time to pray together
Spend quality time together
Take the blame when you should
Never fault-find or assign blame
Do the little unexpected things for each other
Laugh and cry together
Always take time to pray together
Joined
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1,969 Posts
Love that little reading. I wrote it on the small white board we have, so that I(and him) can see it more often.
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