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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
My dh had a pa a couple of months ago, of course I have to hear about how it is my fault because I pushed him to do it, well maybe if there weren't so many ea's before that then I would trust him! Typical blame shifting and here I am trying to work through things with him!

He actually moved out then had the pa, and in the midst of all of the turmoil he brings his sister over to pick up some of his stuff unannounced. (This occurred a couple of months ago also) So they just walk into the house, she doesn't say a word to me, but goes room to room with my dh whispering to each other. After he gathers his things he comes out and basically wants to argue, I ignored him but he kept at it, so finally I blow up and say I will not talk about this with you in front of your sister, what is she doing here anyway this is none of her business! Then I tell them to leave!

Well we are trying to reconcile and now I have to hear about how nasty I was to his poor defenseless sister. Plus hear about how the pa was my fault! His sister has always been rude to me, always brushed off any attempt I made for us to get to know each other, I really think she feels that since we got married I took her brother away. & if I am willing to work on our marriage after the pa then he should stop with the f'n blame shifting, each time he says it was my fault it just opens the wound again and again.
& he wants me to apologize to his sister because in his eyes she has never done any wrong, & even though I tell him how nasty she is to me, he doesn't believe me because she doesn't do it in front of him!
Any thoughts on this one?!
 

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I don't think he really wants to reconcile and has no remorse.

Seriously, he's the one that cheated, he won't own his choice to cheat, he still blames you, and he expects you to jump to meet his demands.?

If he isn't the best in bed I the world, and isn't the richest, and the most generous man in the world (which obviously is not), then my thoughts are to dump him and move on.

His attitude says to me that its only a matter of time before the next affair.

No remorse means there can be no R
 

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I don't think he really wants to reconcile and has no remorse.

Seriously, he's the one that cheated, he won't own his choice to cheat, he still blames you, and he expects you to jump to meet his demands.?

If he isn't the best in bed I the world, and isn't the richest, and the most generous man in the world (which obviously is not), then my thoughts are to dump him and move on.

His attitude says to me that its only a matter of time before the next affair.

No remorse means there can be no R
Shaggy, you took the words right out of my mouth..
 

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Your husband really can't own up to his mistakes. That is a problem in itself. Is he very close to his family? From what you mentioned I am assuming yes. What he needs to realize is that when he made the decision to marry that he needs to place his family after you. That he needs to step up and defend you. I wouldn't be surprised if he mentioned a lot of this to his sister, or whoever is very close, and they, THEY, came to the conclusion that you are to blame. Which no matter the reason, he did the action, he is to blame. Simple and clear.

You have every right to be mad about him talking personal things between you two to his family.

Point out that you and him are in this relationship, no one else.

He is being defensive on issues. If you really want to Reconcile, then sit down and have a very mature talk... which at this time doesn't seem to be possible. Or a mc would help... I would think
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
At first it was because I felt as though I was losing an important person in my life, plus I was a stay at home mom with no transportation and relied on him way too much, now I am slowly getting more financially independant and the longer I am around him the more he makes me sick. I am still willing to work on our marriage but I also am gaining some independance financially if our issues cannot be resolved.
 

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At first it was because I felt as though I was losing an important person in my life, plus I was a stay at home mom with no transportation and relied on him way too much, now I am slowly getting more financially independant and the longer I am around him the more he makes me sick. I am still willing to work on our marriage but I also am gaining some independance financially if our issues cannot be resolved.
I'm not hearing any reasons for wanting to reconcile.

What this reads as is:

1. We've been together and I'm unsure how it would be on my own.
2. I need his paycheck.


If you're physically able to work, I would focus on you and move forward. File for divorce to get some financial assistance with supporting the children.

With only the details you've given, this sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship.
 
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