My wife and I have been together for about 13 years, but only the last four have been under married. She had one semi serious boyfriend before me but as a mid to late teen. She is the only girl I've ever dated.
We had a lot of stupid fights in the first few years but we were also both very immature being late teens and early 20's. As we grew older, the stupid fights happened less and less and we got engaged in late 2006. In the summer of 2007 we began house hunting as we had set a marriage date for the following year. She did give me one stipulation, that whatever house we bought had to have a separate apartment area for her parents because they couldn't afford to live financially without her help. I agreed to this with the notion that there was a very strong possibility that they could be living in the same house as us until the day they died. I was OK with that because we live in the upstairs potion of the house and they would be living in the downstairs portion and each floor has a kitchen and bath. Doors seperated us and they only thing we shared in the house was the front door. We got the house, got married and began our lives together.
She didn't have a great childhood and I did so I always felt like I needed to make things easy for her. I did all the shopping, all the cooking, paid the bills and lots more. Her jobs at home were to clean and do the laundry on Saturday while I was at work. (Heck, I would do the laundry buy the machines are in her parents section so it was easier for her to do it). She really didn't even have to lift a finger as our section of the house isn't all that large.
Through the years she has always been able to count on me. A simple call and I would come running. She is a high school teacher and was in charge of fundraising for one particular class for 4 years. I always helped. I attended just about every fundraising thing she had. I helped decorate halls for spirit week, I bought food for the kids as they were working, I provided music for other things and more. I couldn't say no to her. She did have the student counsels cell phone numbers and I wasn't thrilled about it and let her know a few times but I wasn't overly concerned.
In the past few years she has been spending more and more time at school. She loves her students. I know she is at school grading and planning because she never does any of that stuff at home. When she started to make it a habit of staying at school I asked her many times to come home and I could help her. I get home from work around 1_30-2 and school ends at 1:50. It's a good day if I see her before 4 and school is only 15 minutes away. She would rather stay in school and talk to the students after school then come home and have me help her.
Two years ago we get a call from her sister's husband. She is also a teacher. He is very upset and wants us to pick her up ASAP. One way or another, the sister had sex numerous times with one of the students at her school. She says it was rape. The school ended up letting her go and she was placed in a psych ward for a few weeks. We were all upset and I let me wife take the reigns on what we should do. We ended up supporting her sister but my wife and I would talk about the sister almost daily. I don't think either of us believe the rape story. My wife was upset because she is also a teacher and was afraid of backlash at her school towards her.
No one ever said anything to my wife at school but towards the end of the year she got spoken to twice by the administration because she was supposed to tell them if a boy in the school came to talk to her. The kid is a bad student, cuts class, a druggy and more. One way or another the school found out that on at least two occassions she didn't tell them the boy appraoched her because she says she didn't want to get the kid in trouble any more then he already is. And remember, in the past 3 years I have been begging her to come home earlier but she never did.
Last summer my wife was of course on summer vacation. I would go to bed around 11 and she always wanted to stay up and watch TV. Most times I was OK with that but a lot of times I objected because I wanted to sleep together and felt it wasn't OK for her to crawl into bed a few hours later just because she wanted to watch TV. She stayed up and anyway. Other then that, we were fine. Then she wanted a boob job that summer. Everyone told her not to do it, including me. I did tell her that if she really wanted it that I would support her but that I wasn't happy about it and loved her for who she is. Before taking the money out of my retirement I specifically asked her if she loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of our lives and she responded yes. She had the procedure and had a minor complication afterwards and had trouble sleeping in bed, supposedly. I would go to bed and she would watch TV on the couch and sleep there. I figured after a few weeks she would return to bed and did.
The school year starts and again she doesnt' come home at a reasonable time. She then gets in trouble (a third time) for not reporting the kid from before. He would cut class and go talk to my wife while on lunch break or something. A few weeks later she AGAIN gets in trouble. Of course, each time she gets in trouble it goes in front of the next higher up person in the district so this time it's with the superintendent. The superintendent says that if she wants to keep her job that she needs to be cleared by a mental health person. Keep in mind, we already know my wifes sister got in big trouble and lost her job and license for having sex with a student. My wife passes the evaluation and is cleared to return to the class but is sent with a warning that if she gets in trouble again she will be removed and dismissed.
At this point I'm very angry with her for all of this, especially after the fiasco with her sister. She should know better. At this point I scan our cell phone records and see THOUSANDS of texts monthly. I count the texts and in one month there are over 8,000 texts and 80 hours on phone conversations to a single number. I put my detective skills to work and eventually find that number belongs to the boy she gets in trouble with at school. There are over 120 text messages between the two on my BIRTHDAY! I print out the phone records and wait for her to come home and explain. I am cool when she gets home and pretend everything is OK. I then present her with the call log and ask her to explain it. She eventually spills the beans after a few minutes and I get livid. She tells me that she is only trying to help the kid because he is a drug addict and that he calls her his anti drug. I end up ripping up our wedding pictures, other pictures and more. Never did anything to her though. The very next day she goes and gets her own cell phone plane that I can't check.
The next few days are rough and we don't speak. She cries or sleeps whenever she is home. I'm very upset myself but after two weeks I approach her calmly and tell her I'm very upset. I then say that I'm her husband and I'll support her through anything, especially when this could cost her her job. I feel I am doing to right thing by supporting her when she needs it the most. We are OK for the following weeks. Eventually the kid is taken out of school because he is going to live with his mom. I was happy.
I still tried to be the best husband I could be after this but I start to see that I get nothing in return. At this point I realize that I really haven't been getting anything in return for years. As I said, I do all the shopping and cooking since I have a lot more free time. I can count on one finger the times she has shopped since we got the house. I could count on one hand the number of times she has made a meal in that time. It's not that I expect a stocked fridge and a plate when I get home, but sometimes is nice. I work six days a week and even on Saturday when I work and she's home doing nothing I still shop and cook. Same goes all summer long when she's off from school. I've been treating her like a little princess and I get nothing in return. I'm sure it's partly my fault, but like I said, she had a rough upbringing and I wanted to make her happy.
We attempted to see a social worker. We both went once and then we both went separately a few times. I'm not bragging, but even the social worker admired how strong of a husband I had been through it all. One day, she called the social worker to cancel an appointment and rescheduled the following week. She ended up cancelling that following week too and that's the last of that.
After that I wrote her a LONG letter describing my feelings about all that happened. I left it on the kitchen table and placed my wedding band on it with a note saying I don't feel like your husband so here's my ring. If you want to make this work and continue then I'd be more then willing to take the ring back. I havne't seen it since. She doesn't seem to think she's having an affair. I honestly don't believe there is any PHYSICAL activity between the two of them but 8,000 text messages and 80 hours od phone calls in one month surely constitutes and emotional affair of some kind, even if she is just trying to help the dirt bag who is in and out of rehab and can't graduate high school. She doesn't see it that way. I will say, my wife is not a social worker of anything like that. She is a language teacher so there's no reason for her to be trying to help this kid so much.
We've had plenty of good days since then but we've also had some bad, such as the past week when she said she doesn't feel like she's in love with me. She's been sleeping in the downstairs of our house (her parent actually moved out) for the past week. On Wednesday I told her she has two options. 1, to contact a psychiatrist and schedule an appointment from a bunch of numbers I gave or or 2, do nothing. If she chose to do nothing then I would be seeking legal help. I gave her till Sunday at Midnight to let me know. (I guess it's actually Monday at midnght.) It's about 8pm on Saturday so that means she has about 28 hours to contact me about the psychiatrist. She just left about 2 hours ago and her facebook status said she was spending the weekend with her sister, the one I mentioned above.
Looks like I'll be seeking legal counsel next week.
We had a lot of stupid fights in the first few years but we were also both very immature being late teens and early 20's. As we grew older, the stupid fights happened less and less and we got engaged in late 2006. In the summer of 2007 we began house hunting as we had set a marriage date for the following year. She did give me one stipulation, that whatever house we bought had to have a separate apartment area for her parents because they couldn't afford to live financially without her help. I agreed to this with the notion that there was a very strong possibility that they could be living in the same house as us until the day they died. I was OK with that because we live in the upstairs potion of the house and they would be living in the downstairs portion and each floor has a kitchen and bath. Doors seperated us and they only thing we shared in the house was the front door. We got the house, got married and began our lives together.
She didn't have a great childhood and I did so I always felt like I needed to make things easy for her. I did all the shopping, all the cooking, paid the bills and lots more. Her jobs at home were to clean and do the laundry on Saturday while I was at work. (Heck, I would do the laundry buy the machines are in her parents section so it was easier for her to do it). She really didn't even have to lift a finger as our section of the house isn't all that large.
Through the years she has always been able to count on me. A simple call and I would come running. She is a high school teacher and was in charge of fundraising for one particular class for 4 years. I always helped. I attended just about every fundraising thing she had. I helped decorate halls for spirit week, I bought food for the kids as they were working, I provided music for other things and more. I couldn't say no to her. She did have the student counsels cell phone numbers and I wasn't thrilled about it and let her know a few times but I wasn't overly concerned.
In the past few years she has been spending more and more time at school. She loves her students. I know she is at school grading and planning because she never does any of that stuff at home. When she started to make it a habit of staying at school I asked her many times to come home and I could help her. I get home from work around 1_30-2 and school ends at 1:50. It's a good day if I see her before 4 and school is only 15 minutes away. She would rather stay in school and talk to the students after school then come home and have me help her.
Two years ago we get a call from her sister's husband. She is also a teacher. He is very upset and wants us to pick her up ASAP. One way or another, the sister had sex numerous times with one of the students at her school. She says it was rape. The school ended up letting her go and she was placed in a psych ward for a few weeks. We were all upset and I let me wife take the reigns on what we should do. We ended up supporting her sister but my wife and I would talk about the sister almost daily. I don't think either of us believe the rape story. My wife was upset because she is also a teacher and was afraid of backlash at her school towards her.
No one ever said anything to my wife at school but towards the end of the year she got spoken to twice by the administration because she was supposed to tell them if a boy in the school came to talk to her. The kid is a bad student, cuts class, a druggy and more. One way or another the school found out that on at least two occassions she didn't tell them the boy appraoched her because she says she didn't want to get the kid in trouble any more then he already is. And remember, in the past 3 years I have been begging her to come home earlier but she never did.
Last summer my wife was of course on summer vacation. I would go to bed around 11 and she always wanted to stay up and watch TV. Most times I was OK with that but a lot of times I objected because I wanted to sleep together and felt it wasn't OK for her to crawl into bed a few hours later just because she wanted to watch TV. She stayed up and anyway. Other then that, we were fine. Then she wanted a boob job that summer. Everyone told her not to do it, including me. I did tell her that if she really wanted it that I would support her but that I wasn't happy about it and loved her for who she is. Before taking the money out of my retirement I specifically asked her if she loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of our lives and she responded yes. She had the procedure and had a minor complication afterwards and had trouble sleeping in bed, supposedly. I would go to bed and she would watch TV on the couch and sleep there. I figured after a few weeks she would return to bed and did.
The school year starts and again she doesnt' come home at a reasonable time. She then gets in trouble (a third time) for not reporting the kid from before. He would cut class and go talk to my wife while on lunch break or something. A few weeks later she AGAIN gets in trouble. Of course, each time she gets in trouble it goes in front of the next higher up person in the district so this time it's with the superintendent. The superintendent says that if she wants to keep her job that she needs to be cleared by a mental health person. Keep in mind, we already know my wifes sister got in big trouble and lost her job and license for having sex with a student. My wife passes the evaluation and is cleared to return to the class but is sent with a warning that if she gets in trouble again she will be removed and dismissed.
At this point I'm very angry with her for all of this, especially after the fiasco with her sister. She should know better. At this point I scan our cell phone records and see THOUSANDS of texts monthly. I count the texts and in one month there are over 8,000 texts and 80 hours on phone conversations to a single number. I put my detective skills to work and eventually find that number belongs to the boy she gets in trouble with at school. There are over 120 text messages between the two on my BIRTHDAY! I print out the phone records and wait for her to come home and explain. I am cool when she gets home and pretend everything is OK. I then present her with the call log and ask her to explain it. She eventually spills the beans after a few minutes and I get livid. She tells me that she is only trying to help the kid because he is a drug addict and that he calls her his anti drug. I end up ripping up our wedding pictures, other pictures and more. Never did anything to her though. The very next day she goes and gets her own cell phone plane that I can't check.
The next few days are rough and we don't speak. She cries or sleeps whenever she is home. I'm very upset myself but after two weeks I approach her calmly and tell her I'm very upset. I then say that I'm her husband and I'll support her through anything, especially when this could cost her her job. I feel I am doing to right thing by supporting her when she needs it the most. We are OK for the following weeks. Eventually the kid is taken out of school because he is going to live with his mom. I was happy.
I still tried to be the best husband I could be after this but I start to see that I get nothing in return. At this point I realize that I really haven't been getting anything in return for years. As I said, I do all the shopping and cooking since I have a lot more free time. I can count on one finger the times she has shopped since we got the house. I could count on one hand the number of times she has made a meal in that time. It's not that I expect a stocked fridge and a plate when I get home, but sometimes is nice. I work six days a week and even on Saturday when I work and she's home doing nothing I still shop and cook. Same goes all summer long when she's off from school. I've been treating her like a little princess and I get nothing in return. I'm sure it's partly my fault, but like I said, she had a rough upbringing and I wanted to make her happy.
We attempted to see a social worker. We both went once and then we both went separately a few times. I'm not bragging, but even the social worker admired how strong of a husband I had been through it all. One day, she called the social worker to cancel an appointment and rescheduled the following week. She ended up cancelling that following week too and that's the last of that.
After that I wrote her a LONG letter describing my feelings about all that happened. I left it on the kitchen table and placed my wedding band on it with a note saying I don't feel like your husband so here's my ring. If you want to make this work and continue then I'd be more then willing to take the ring back. I havne't seen it since. She doesn't seem to think she's having an affair. I honestly don't believe there is any PHYSICAL activity between the two of them but 8,000 text messages and 80 hours od phone calls in one month surely constitutes and emotional affair of some kind, even if she is just trying to help the dirt bag who is in and out of rehab and can't graduate high school. She doesn't see it that way. I will say, my wife is not a social worker of anything like that. She is a language teacher so there's no reason for her to be trying to help this kid so much.
We've had plenty of good days since then but we've also had some bad, such as the past week when she said she doesn't feel like she's in love with me. She's been sleeping in the downstairs of our house (her parent actually moved out) for the past week. On Wednesday I told her she has two options. 1, to contact a psychiatrist and schedule an appointment from a bunch of numbers I gave or or 2, do nothing. If she chose to do nothing then I would be seeking legal help. I gave her till Sunday at Midnight to let me know. (I guess it's actually Monday at midnght.) It's about 8pm on Saturday so that means she has about 28 hours to contact me about the psychiatrist. She just left about 2 hours ago and her facebook status said she was spending the weekend with her sister, the one I mentioned above.
Looks like I'll be seeking legal counsel next week.
