Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.
1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
466 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok guys, I won't go into my whole story again.

I'm having a TERRIBLE time with my situation. Wife cheated, now says she doesn't love me, doesn't want me, wants a new life, etc. She's 27 almost 28 and cheated with a 19 yro. He's gone. really is gone. BUT< I can't shake her of her mood towards me.

She won't talk, at all about it. Says she doesn't miss me, and use to say she didn't feel remorse like she should and wants time.

Last night, she broke and it came out. She said in a crying ramble "I NEEDED TIME that you WOULDN'T GIVE me to fix me, I can't deal with what I"ve done"!

This was the first real sign of remorse. She was almost in tears when she said it and very, VERY emotional. I do believe this is the key.

Question is, what do you 'pros' think? She hadn't said I'm sorry, or really said she feels very bad at all, until now. This came out after I told her she changed and not to a better person, then she belted that out. Said I wouldn't give her time to figure herself out and become a better person. I didn't believe anything until that one line came out.

What do yall think? Is it possible she IS remorseful? As emotional as she was, I hadn't seen her like that in a looong time. She REFUSES to break... but she almost did last night. Thoughts?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,788 Posts
I'd take the tough road appraoch and help her pack, give her all the space she needs, but stop waiting around.

This emototional out burst was just away to munipulate you into sweeping it all under ther rug. Hoping that her out burst will make you think twice about bring up the affair and making her own the choices she made with that kid.

I consider this a tactic for her own agenda and not a sign of remorse. Quite the oppisite from were I'm sitting.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,788 Posts
I think those tears are her frustration that things wont ever be the same...that she can no longer get away with her past behavior.

She is sad you are now on to her and can't get away with it anymore. I feel she told you " why can't we just drop this".
Since you won't she is willing to lose her marriage. I think she just let you go. IMHO

Now give that space she wants so she can taste the reality of what she is asking for! Start packing her things. Maybe in the next few days when she sees boxes laying around and has to dig though trash bags for her stuff she thinks twice about what she wants.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,621 Posts
She will not feel remorse until she is emotionally attached to you again. Her tears were nothing more that her continued anger in blaming you for the issues. She is asking for time and space, give it to her. Stop pursuing, stop asking, stop communicating about anything other than day to day issues. Give her space by pursuing your own interests. Read Dobson's Love Must be Tough but do not let her know you are doing so. Do not share the book or its strategies with her. The more you pursue her the more she will pull away.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
466 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
She's already packed and moving into her brother's place. Her brothers are all old enough to be her daddy. This brother she's moving in with, is very strong in beliefs against Divorce. I sent them a FB msg telling them what was going on. They never responded. BUT, I don't know if they get on FB much.

However, she's already moving in with them. The place will be deserted by this weekend. All I have to get is the Haunt's contents and tools. All my personals stuff is already moved as well.

Yes, I think reality will hit and she will definately end up not happy with her situation. But, honestly, I can't wait either, I'd like her to feel just a touch of what I've been feeling for over 2 months.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
466 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks Amplexor, I will look into it.

At this point, I can't say what I want anymore, because I've come to realize that I'm now clouded as well. I'm going through the stages my counselor has spoken of and I'm now in what she calls stage 3, the anger stage. I know that I'm going through a phase and all so Im just all about making myself happy at this point. Trying to skip the other stages because I REALIZE where I'm at emotionally and realize my mind is trying to help me. So I'm just doing for me, and letting go of everything else.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,621 Posts
So I'm just doing for me, and letting go of everything else.
That is absolutely the best thing you can do at this time. Both for yourself and any chance of turning her. Give her space, don't contact her about anything but logistical or financial issues and most importantly don't profess your love for her. Let her go.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
62 Posts
I feel you bro. My case was almost same but wife 31 had an affair with 21 years old.
I was sick to my stomach and I couldn' t even eat.
I took the chance and told her if you don't change I'm going to do the same and go see people.
Suddenly after things has change and now I got the ball on my side. She is willing to change now.

Play your game without changing your foundation. So far is working for me.
Posted via Mobile Device
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
466 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I had to get her to help me today. My truck battery wouldn't get the truck started. So she came to get me and went to walmart. Long story short, she was very friendly and poked me a few times and bought me ice cream / yogurt. She said she was proud of me for not talking about us at all the whole time we were together.

She left. I don't know if R would be possible in this situation, but when she acted like this last time, she flipped completely around in one day, maybe took 2 weeks? But this has been going on for 2.5 months at least, ANNNDD she has all these new friends. Most of them are like... 17 n 18, geeky, goofy kids. I don't even know if I could handle being with her if she doesn't change the way she's acting. That's why I'm not attracted to her so much right now. I still feel all the love for her, but it's not HER RIGHT NOW that I love. I wonder if and when she DOES flip / turn, will she still have her head up all her friend's arses? I ijust don't think I could handle it. BUT, I guess we'll see what happens.

Right now, R is off the table. She'd have to change completely for me to consider it seriously now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
466 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Asian, I'm very happy for you man. I've come to the understanding that this is a VERY VERY common thing now days, People are just gonna cheat. He11 man, everyone that I've talked to, has been cheated on!! So strange. I say everyone, like.. 98% of the people and GAWD that's a LOT...

I'll continue man. I'm trying very hard.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,718 Posts
Wife cheated, now says she doesn't love me, doesn't want me, wants a new life, etc.
All you need to hear has been said by her. Nothing else matters at this point, plus her actions are speaking volumes.

Hanging around with teens, acting like a teen. She's not wife material at this point, let her go. You do not want to play daddy to her for the next couple of years hoping she'll eventually grow up, it'll just break you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
466 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Yeup. I told her to go live her "teen years again" and she refused that's what it was. I said "Yeah, right. that's why your newly found 'sister' is 17 YEARS OLD.. your cheat partner was 19 YO.. and ALLL of your new friends are less than 21. Yeah. I see. "
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,592 Posts
Dewayne
Stop all contact with her. You called her about your battery; that is you running back to have an emotional cripple with a mind in a fog and trying to get her to help heal your damaged emotions
Originally Posted by Dewayne76
So I'm just doing for me, and letting go of everything else.

You have it right; now pick your balls up and get back on tract!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
466 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
No, that was me not having anyone else to help.

I got suckered into the "half a day with her"

I got a feeling when she starts living there at her brother's she's going to start seeing things differently. They're not gonna want to constantly keep baby sitting for her while she runs out, works or w/e.

I just can't wait till I can get somewhat happy with where I'm at. Once I get that, F#%# everyone else. I wanna stay in my hole now.
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top