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Discussion Starter #1
I have been in counselling for some time. I would like to know what the average time a couple generally spend in counselling and what is the longest amount of time any one has heard of spending in counselling
 

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The time couples spend in counseling varies so much! It depends on a lot of factors including how much resentment has built up, how open each person is to the process, how able each person is to take some responsibility for their part of the problems and finally each person's willingness to make changes for the sake of the relationship!

I've had couples as short as a few sessions for premarital work and as long as 6 months off and on. Are you guys making any progress?
 

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We have been at this a while and things seem worst. Our counseler has told us that sometimes things do get worst before they get better. This is why I was curious as to what a long time in consuling is . I sometimes think we are not meant to be together and maybe our counsler is haveing a hard time telling us we do not belong together
 

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From mine and my husband's experience, things did get a little worse before they got better in counselling. Mainly it was because things that we had kept to ourselves got laid out on the table, so to speak, and we both felt emotionally raw. Things that we didn't know about each other like insecurities or jealousies came out in counselling and it was hard. It was hard to see each other so vulnerable 1) because we felt helpless to fix it and 2) because generally we are both very strong (as in character and emotions) people and it was a little jarring at first to think that in some situations we may not be able to lean on the other. Also I had some past abuse issues that I had refused to deal with and I had a really hard time confronting them and tended to push away in order to search myself to handle my own demons. It was hard for me to turn to my husband with that and he didn't know how to help me. I hope this makes some sense...
However, we DID get through it, and now we're stronger than ever! My only advice as far as the counselling goes is to be absolutely honest in there! A shattered puzzle can't be put back together if there are pieces missing. Know what I mean?

Hang in there!
 

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From mine and my husband's experience, things did get a little worse before they got better in counselling. Mainly it was because things that we had kept to ourselves got laid out on the table, so to speak, and we both felt emotionally raw. Things that we didn't know about each other like insecurities or jealousies came out in counselling and it was hard. It was hard to see each other so vulnerable 1) because we felt helpless to fix it and 2) because generally we are both very strong (as in character and emotions) people and it was a little jarring at first to think that in some situations we may not be able to lean on the other. Also I had some past abuse issues that I had refused to deal with and I had a really hard time confronting them and tended to push away in order to search myself to handle my own demons. It was hard for me to turn to my husband with that and he didn't know how to help me. I hope this makes some sense...
However, we DID get through it, and now we're stronger than ever! My only advice as far as the counselling goes is to be absolutely honest in there! A shattered puzzle can't be put back together if there are pieces missing. Know what I mean?

Hang in there!
could you please let me know how long this took? It seems to be going on for ever and quitting seems more likley then before
 

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We went once a week for about 2 months. After that, I continued with a female (different) counselor on my own due to the sensitivity of my own problems. But as was posted before, it really depends on the couple and what kind of progress is being made, I think.
 

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thanks to those that posted a reply . I guess I am wondering if this can be worked out or if the counseler just does not have the heart to tell us this useless.
 

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I have never been in counseling but a friend of mine that was an alcoholic spent several years in it on top of regular AA meetings. Though trough time it became once a month then the last year was every other month. SO it all depends on the problem. In the end he saved his marriage and stayed sober.

draconis
 
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