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Discussion Starter #1
I have been reading a few threads recently about threesomes and foursomes and the negative effect they have had on some marriages and long term relationships.

I have also seen that there are posters who say that it has actually enriched their marriages.

I am trying to figure out what drives a married couple to want to venture into this type of sexual experimentation.

I am struggling , trying to understand how could a man derive sexual pleasure from seeing his wife having sex with another man, and vice versa.

How does this type of arrangement work?
How exactly does it help build sexual intimacy?

In my opinion, there is an emotional and a deep psychological connections that takes place during sex .

Is the pleasure to be had from these type of arrangements really worth the risk to the relationship?
I would really appreciate if we can have an open discussion

I would really like to hear the reasons from both camps.

1]Those who think it can work, based on the people involved.
2]Those who are against it .
 

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I'm also very against it for many reasons. To me, sex is something to be shared between two people who care deeply for each other. I have only ever had sex with my husbands, for that reason. It's an emotional connection for me. I don't even really enjoy masturbation all that much, just because it's not with my hubby. It's just to 'get off' which is how I see the threesome experience. Unless you're into polyamoury, I guess, which is a whole nother ball o wax.

I am also very possessive of my husband. I know how I felt when he cheated. I can only imagine how much worse it would be to actually see him with another woman. And to be with another man for him to see would make me feel like trash.
 

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If I had to sit and watch my husband bang another chick. Holy crap. I'd go mentally insane. I didn't make babies with this man, or build a life with this man, for him to go screw another woman. If it was part of our plans, I never would have married.
 

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I can't imagine watching my husband with another woman. I'd probably hurt her. And then him!

When you do this in a marriage, you open a Pandora's Box. I think most people are unprepared for the aftermath. You can't undo the images. Very few people can handle the images and being able to handle the images doesn't mean you're stronger or your marriage is better. I think it means you don't care that much about your partner. What you value, you don't share it with everyone else.
 

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Men like variety. To many men, having more notches on their belt seems to reinforce their studliness (that is untrue. It is having a lot of women WANT you which proves you're studly)

There is also the factor of being so manly that you can talk your wife into adding another woman to the mix. Man, you're controlling your b*tches!

Because for most men, they want a FMF. As you can see, most women are horrified at the prospect.

There is an odd variety of males who, for whatever reason, also like the idea of a MFM. Maybe they feel it's the price they need to pay for an FMF. Maybe they want to see their woman EXPLODE as they get, not one, but TWO penises! Maybe they want to see what their woman looks like with the O face from another perspective. Maybe they like humiliation. Or perhaps it's a control thing again (this woman is my wh0re! I can get her to do ANYTHING with ANYONE)

As most people can see, it either leads to strong feelings for the other person in one (or both) of the couple OR degrades the specialness of the sexual connection (Oh...if it's JUST sex, I guess I can tag that personal trainer down the street...)

My opinion, which is worth what you pay for it.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Ok,
I appreciate all the answers, but I will like to add.
I know that this usually starts as a fantasy.
No problem.

But what I would like to know is what causes a married couple to be so obsessed with it , that they cross over into reality with it?

Everybody so far seems repulsed by the idea.
But to me a lot of married people are actually doing it based on what I read here, and what I've heard people say in real life.

So, what would cause two people to be so open minded, and confident in their relationship ,that they entertain doing this?

Is it that they trust each other so much that they know even if their SO had sex with another, his / her heart or emotions still belongs to them?

Or is it that they understand that human beings see, desire and lust and so this is a " controlled " way of allowing each other to satisfy their lust without the deception of a hidden affair?
 

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I wouldn't stay married to man who wanted to share me (there is no bigger insult in my eyes) and it would kill me to see him with another woman.

Sex and the intimacy that goes with it is what makes my relationship with my h different and special from all other relationships in my life.

I had a couple of threesomes (one FMF and one MFM) in my teens.... they were fun/exciting because I never loved these fu*kbuddies.

I love love love my man so these days any thoughts along these lines are kept in fantasy land only.
 

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I have to many jealousy issues I'm dealing with as it is. I'm sure it wouldn't work for my marriage!

Plus H get's mad if a guy stares at me to long lol so...
 

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I have no data to support this, but generally it seems driven by ONE spouse. The other, for various lack of judgment or self esteem issues, is coerced into doing it. Or maybe they buy into the crap from Hollywood that tries to sell the meme 'Everyone is doing it. Why aren't you?'

I talked to one swinger. He was a single guy who was invited to couple swinger parties. He stated that generally, the husband pushed the wife into going. Well, a girl who f*cks is generally welcome everywhere, and the husband frequently regretted his decision, because the women were more popular then the men. This POS happily screwed anything that would let him while having the husband pay for them and deal with their crap.

He also stated that a lot of marriages going in were shakey.

Now, this doesn't translate automatically into threesomes and foursomes, but I'm betting there is some truth there too.

Also, don't ignore the attraction of being 'cutting edge' and 'sophisticated'. The problem with the cutting edge is it cuts.

Now maybe a FEW people can wrap their heads around this and still have a strong relationship. They are the exception, not the rule.

I once saw an armless woman drive a car with her feet. It's POSSIBLE. That doesn't mean it's a good idea for most people.
 

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My GF of 20 months and I have had a 3.5 some and a MFM threesome. The first was about a year ago, the second was about 4 months ago. We've also been to two sex clubs. One where there was some interaction primarily between the ladies but it was mostly visual/mental, and the other was all mental/visual, with no interactions with any other guests. This weekend, we'll be attending a local sex club's "halloween hotel party", where we're meeting one couple for dinner first.

First off, I love her a lot. It's not like we've got a FWB or FB type of relationship going on. The topic of marriage has come up recently, but neither of us is in any hurry. I could easily see spending the rest of my life with her, married or not. There won't be any kids between us anyway, so marriage seems to be more formality than anything. But having said all that, I fully acknowledge that we're not married.

For me, the multiple partner experiences have still very much been about my partner. We've discussed and agreed that we don't want separate sexual experiences. But I literally could not tell you what any of our mutual partners looked like, how well endowed they were, etc. We've also been very sensitive to either person's concerns, like a 20 year old hardbody.

As far as why I've done this... I love the erotic energy. I really really enjoy my partners pleasure. I've also enjoyed the new sexual partner experience; learning/experiencing a new body. I enjoy the sexual energy, watching and hearing other people, etc

Anyway, I'll answer specific questions about my personal experiences, if I think someone truly wants to have the answered.

C
 

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Okay. How many swingers do you know? How many have problems? How many divorces are there in the swinging and sharing scene in general?

I understand none of this applies to YOU. But you aren't the entire swinging scene.
 

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My GF of 20 months and I have had a 3.5 some and a MFM threesome. The first was about a year ago, the second was about 4 months ago. We've also been to two sex clubs. One where there was some interaction primarily between the ladies but it was mostly visual/mental, and the other was all mental/visual, with no interactions with any other guests. This weekend, we'll be attending a local sex club's "halloween hotel party", where we're meeting one couple for dinner first.

First off, I love her a lot. It's not like we've got a FWB or FB type of relationship going on. The topic of marriage has come up recently, but neither of us is in any hurry. I could easily see spending the rest of my life with her, married or not. There won't be any kids between us anyway, so marriage seems to be more formality than anything. But having said all that, I fully acknowledge that we're not married.

For me, the multiple partner experiences have still very much been about my partner. We've discussed and agreed that we don't want separate sexual experiences. But I literally could not tell you what any of our mutual partners looked like, how well endowed they were, etc. We've also been very sensitive to either person's concerns, like a 20 year old hardbody.

As far as why I've done this... I love the erotic energy. I really really enjoy my partners pleasure. I've also enjoyed the new sexual partner experience; learning/experiencing a new body. I enjoy the sexual energy, watching and hearing other people, etc

Anyway, I'll answer specific questions about my personal experiences, if I think someone truly wants to have the answered.

C
I have a legit question.. If ya'll were to get married do you think it would be a possibility for you to change your mind and not want anyone else included in sexual activity with your wife? Have ya'll discussed stopping if married?
 

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Okay. How many swingers do you know? How many have problems? How many divorces are there in the swinging and sharing scene in general?

I understand none of this applies to YOU. But you aren't the entire swinging scene.
If you're talking to me, I know relatively few "swingers", and know even fewer of them well enough to know their marital happiness. So I can't really comment on that. But if you consider how many "regular" marriages end in divorce these days, not swinging is no certainty of a happy marriage.

As far as me not being "the entire swinging scene", I'm fully aware of that. I would never attempt to speak on this subject for anyone but me personally, and possibly what my GF has shared directly with me. And if you check many of the other "swinger" type threads, I think I'm much more likely to warn people away from swinging rather than remotely encouraging it. Too many people think they can use other people to spice up a marriage that's got a multitude of other issues, and the swinging is just going to amplify the problems, not fix them

C
 

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I have a legit question.. If ya'll were to get married do you think it would be a possibility for you to change your mind and not want anyone else included in sexual activity with your wife? Have ya'll discussed stopping if married?
I believe so. We've had to deal with uncomfortable subjects already, and both of us agree that the top priority is US. Everything else is secondary.

C
 

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Discussion Starter #17
As far as me not being "the entire swinging scene", I'm fully aware of that. I would never attempt to speak on this subject for anyone but me personally, and possibly what my GF has shared directly with me.
C
Thank you for your response sir.
I do have a question.

You are in a long term relationship, and have experimented with threesomes, while in this present relationship.

As men , we both know how attraction works. Its not just about the other person being well endowed. Sometimes, the chemistry just flows instantly, and there is a connection.
have you ever experienced that with other sexual partners in the swinging scene?
And what safeguard do you have other than a promise from your partner that she would not be attracted to any other male she has sex with other than you?
 

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1]Those who think it can work, based on the people involved.

It can work but both people have to be very honest and open with each other. Both parties have to want it. It cannot be about one person just trying to make the other happy. Most couples that I have seen it work for do not do just three somes unless it is with a paid perfessional. Others are usually older and are swingers that do couples swap only. There are less likely to be emotional ties that way.

2]Those who are against it .

I am personally against it because I do not share well. Also my husband has already had an EA. I could not trust that he would not get emotionally involved.
 

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If this fantasy would enhance a couple's intimacy then I'm all for what happens behind closed doors.

However in reading the numerous threads regarding how this fantasy can easily become a disaster when the couple crosses over from fantasy to ..... reality. With that being said it's without a doubt best for this to stay between the couple and enjoy it for what its worth :)
 
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