I married a man from Eastern Europe and he was the nicest most affectionate guy, we have been together for two years. I am in Canada, he was in the states when I met him, it wasn't a "get my green card" kind of situation.
He has a nice Russian sounding accent, and I have found with a lot of ESL men, it is much easier for them to swear a lot and get away with it, it is almost funny. I often picture someone saying the same things he does without an accent and I would be more offended. (I don't know if that makes sense to anyone).
At any rate, he does have a bit of a temper, he def has some sort of depression, but the swearing has increased and I just find it toxic, he swears about anything.
About 4 months ago his depression got worse, he really went strange, delusional a bit, paranoid. I woke up in the morning, I walked in the kitchen and he was so verbally abusive it was disgusting. I never ever saw or heard this type of thing from him before. I went to a psychologist and after the hour he said if what I was saying was correct and not biased that he clearly has bipolar disorder.
He would say "if you ever do that again I will cut your fn head off" "I will cut Tim's head off and Susie's head off, then yours and then myself, thats what you all want isn't it?" But then he would be nice a bit later. I never took them seriously, I never would put up with this treatment either but when I heard he may be bipolar I wanted to hang in there and wait till he came out of the "manic" phase and then he might want help.
He has always been very vocal and a big swearer and I can't tell if it was a cry for help and attention or that he has become a horrible person.
He finally went to the psychologist and they never discussed bipolar, the psych told me he is clearly disinterested in anything, no goals, dreams, no beliefs, but at this time he did not detect bipolar etc... However, when he went he was in his first good phase I have seen him in.
So many people have told me to call the police, I get advice from all over but I can not think for myself anymore either. The only reason I wanted to call them is because they take them to the hospital if they have depression and try to treat them (it is a much nicer process than what happens in the states I have heard) But the psych said to get them here to take him to the hospital I would have to mention the threats.
Well, he has been in a great mood lately, but started an argument, I went to continue that argument in the kitchen, he was waving the knife at me (just when talking, not threatening) I said get that knife away from me and he said you are lucky I do not slit your throat with this.
I grabbed my dogs, the phone, went to my room and called 911.
They took him away for a day, he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, the hospital "nurse" deemed him ok in a 10 minute interview. (how could they assess anyone that quickly). I had horrible guilt, I do not want to screw up his life, I want him to get help so that he can finally be happy and have a good life, with or without me.
I would like anyone's feedback of course, but really want some opinions from men.
My friends can't believe I am even in this situation, I was the biggest "Dr. Laura" around (if anyone remembers her) I would lecture my friends on do not put up with controlling, abusing men etc...etc... lol But now...here I am, and I get some sort of passive aggressive brainwashing every week. Since I called the police he has been wonderful (what else can he be) but when he thinks about court dates etc...you see that mean part come out in him, it's understandable, but I do not think he has any regret, just mad I would do such a thing.
This is 1/10th of the story, but this is already too long.
Would just love some feedback as I just can't think straight anymore.
I also think I am in denial and making excuses for him because he is Eastern European and that I am misreading him.
You will see all sorts of threads from me as this is such a long story I want to break it up in pieces and get advice on different issues.
Thank you,
Skye
He has a nice Russian sounding accent, and I have found with a lot of ESL men, it is much easier for them to swear a lot and get away with it, it is almost funny. I often picture someone saying the same things he does without an accent and I would be more offended. (I don't know if that makes sense to anyone).
At any rate, he does have a bit of a temper, he def has some sort of depression, but the swearing has increased and I just find it toxic, he swears about anything.
About 4 months ago his depression got worse, he really went strange, delusional a bit, paranoid. I woke up in the morning, I walked in the kitchen and he was so verbally abusive it was disgusting. I never ever saw or heard this type of thing from him before. I went to a psychologist and after the hour he said if what I was saying was correct and not biased that he clearly has bipolar disorder.
He would say "if you ever do that again I will cut your fn head off" "I will cut Tim's head off and Susie's head off, then yours and then myself, thats what you all want isn't it?" But then he would be nice a bit later. I never took them seriously, I never would put up with this treatment either but when I heard he may be bipolar I wanted to hang in there and wait till he came out of the "manic" phase and then he might want help.
He has always been very vocal and a big swearer and I can't tell if it was a cry for help and attention or that he has become a horrible person.
He finally went to the psychologist and they never discussed bipolar, the psych told me he is clearly disinterested in anything, no goals, dreams, no beliefs, but at this time he did not detect bipolar etc... However, when he went he was in his first good phase I have seen him in.
So many people have told me to call the police, I get advice from all over but I can not think for myself anymore either. The only reason I wanted to call them is because they take them to the hospital if they have depression and try to treat them (it is a much nicer process than what happens in the states I have heard) But the psych said to get them here to take him to the hospital I would have to mention the threats.
Well, he has been in a great mood lately, but started an argument, I went to continue that argument in the kitchen, he was waving the knife at me (just when talking, not threatening) I said get that knife away from me and he said you are lucky I do not slit your throat with this.
I grabbed my dogs, the phone, went to my room and called 911.
They took him away for a day, he was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, the hospital "nurse" deemed him ok in a 10 minute interview. (how could they assess anyone that quickly). I had horrible guilt, I do not want to screw up his life, I want him to get help so that he can finally be happy and have a good life, with or without me.
I would like anyone's feedback of course, but really want some opinions from men.
My friends can't believe I am even in this situation, I was the biggest "Dr. Laura" around (if anyone remembers her) I would lecture my friends on do not put up with controlling, abusing men etc...etc... lol But now...here I am, and I get some sort of passive aggressive brainwashing every week. Since I called the police he has been wonderful (what else can he be) but when he thinks about court dates etc...you see that mean part come out in him, it's understandable, but I do not think he has any regret, just mad I would do such a thing.
This is 1/10th of the story, but this is already too long.
Would just love some feedback as I just can't think straight anymore.
I also think I am in denial and making excuses for him because he is Eastern European and that I am misreading him.
You will see all sorts of threads from me as this is such a long story I want to break it up in pieces and get advice on different issues.
Thank you,
Skye