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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Just stumbled on this website and thought it might be a good place to get some thoughts and opinions on my wife.

Some quick background: married for almost 10 years, no kids.

In the early stages of our marriage, both of us worked hard. Regardless of what job she had, she would find herself stressed out, often taking the stress out on me in the form of temper tantrums and blaming me for making her work.

As my career/business improved, we got to a stage where she no longer had to work. This was a relief to both of us as she would now be stress-free (from work) and I would no longer have to put up with her tempers and constantly blaming me for her having to work.

She has now not worked for about 2 years now. She sleeps in daily and spends her time cooking (which she loves) and doing basic chores around the house like laundry, ironing, etc.

The house is still very much a mess though as she doesn't seem to have much motivation in proactively doing anything that doesn't appear to be urgent. In fact, I find myself on weekends having to clean up parts of the house that have just gotten to be too much of a mess during the week while I'm away at work.

During her free time (which she has a lot of), she spends on facebook, twitter, playing ipad/iphone games, online shopping or going out for lunches with her friends.

With our extra income now, she has gotten herself luxury bags and watches, items which she has told me she deserves as a sign of my love for her.

She comes from a poor family whom she is very close to. Her brother's business is failing/bankrupt and she uses part of her monthly money/allowance I give her to give to her mother, who then uses it to pay for her brother's babysitter. She also regularly gives her parents and siblings cash gifts (guess where the money came from?) annually e.g. Christmas, usually ranging from several hundred to a thousand dollars or more.

If I display any indication of resentment about this (seriously, why is it my responsibility to support her brother's family?), she'll accuse me of being selfish or calculative when it comes to her family. She says as her husband, I should be generous to her family. I have never given my own family even half of what I've given to hers (directly or indirectly).

She is now pressuring me to buy a new house for us. She says she hates our current house. Doing this will put both us about $500k at least in debt. She gets upset if I tell her I need time to think about it. She says she wants a new house ASAP.

Wow, after writing all that out, it actually seems a lot worse than I thought. I wish I could say I was exaggerating, but I'm really not.

I have a feeling nobody here is going to think much of my wife after reading all that. I guess I put up with it because I do love her, although I have very often thought of leaving. Even though I love her, I think I'd be perfectly happy just living by myself.

We have other issues with our marriage, but I'll leave it at that for now. Please let me know what you think.
 

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so essentially you're paying for her to be a teenager?
she gave up work at the first opportunity and expects you to support her and her family too?
so what if she says you're selfish? people in glass houses and all that....

if she wants to spend her monthly allowance on her family then let her, but tell her there won't be any more....
 

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Marriage is a partnership. So in all you described above, exactly what is HER contribution to the marriage? I think you will get a number of people telling you to "man up" and I'm going to agree with them in advance.
 

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..........and I guess the sex is either lousy or nil.

Obviously she does not respect you because you continue to reward her bad behaviour with a hefty allowance.

She seems to have false sense of entitlement, and you have put her on a pedestal .
Bad mistake.
You are now her " loyal servant,"

Time to start checking some of her online activity, see who she's connecting with on fb and prepare yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Marriage is a partnership. So in all you described above, exactly what is HER contribution to the marriage? I think you will get a number of people telling you to "man up" and I'm going to agree with them in advance.
Thanks. Please elaborate on "man up". What should I do?
 

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Discussion Starter #6
..........and I guess the sex is either lousy or nil.

Obviously she does not respect you because you continue to reward he bad behaviour with a hefty allowance.

Time to start checking some of her online activity, see who she's connecting with on fb and prepare yourself.

Obv
Eh, if you're suggesting she's having an affair, I doubt it. Not saying it's impossible, but not likely.
 

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tell her that if she wants to splash money around she needs to start contributing something herself, stop giving her thousands of dollars to give as gifts, when she accuses you of being selfish tell her she's quite welcome to get a job and give all her wages to her family if she so desires
 

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Eh, if you're suggesting she's having an affair, I doubt it. Not saying it's impossible, but not likely.
No man thinks he wife is having an affair.
If you're so sure, then why not just check to prove yourself right?

What's your sex life like?
 

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Discussion Starter #9
No man thinks he wife is having an affair.
If you're so sure, then why not just check to prove yourself right?
Might just do that. Doubt I'd find anything though.

What's your sex life like?
Ok, could be better. I hold off on sex more than she does though, so if anything, she'd be the one complaining more than me.
 

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She blamed you for "making her work?" I don't mean to be disrespectful of your wife, OP, but which century does she think she's living in?

A grown woman, without children, sitting at home all day playing on Facebook and hanging out with her friends? That's ridiculous, IMO, and I'd insist that she get herself a job and go out to work like other adults do. Even if you are a very wealthy man, your wife needs to find a more constructive way of spending her days. Voluntary work etc.
 
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Thanks. Please elaborate on "man up". What should I do?
The link that another poster gave might help, OP. But remember this isn't about you not being manly, it's about women who take advantage of decent guys not being womanly!
 
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and yet another spoiled, entitiled princess.....sigh.......

What if you tell her no to the new house? Throw a temper tantrum?

No disrespect but you are her doormat. She can wipe her feet on you, throw you around, stomp on you & you reward her my giving her your hard-earned $$$ to waste on her freeloading family.

I guess you can go to counseling to learn how to stand up to her.
 

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Discussion Starter #15
and yet another spoiled, entitiled princess.....sigh.......

What if you tell her no to the new house? Throw a temper tantrum?

No disrespect but you are her doormat. She can wipe her feet on you, throw you around, stomp on you & you reward her my giving her your hard-earned $$$ to waste on her freeloading family.

I guess you can go to counseling to learn how to stand up to her.
So I guess I should just learn to say no more often and "man up" when she gets upset about it?
 

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So I guess I should just learn to say no more often and "man up" when she gets upset about it?
It takes much more than that.
Her attitude towards was learned over a number of years.
*She feels entitled to do whatever she wants to you, and she is not going to give that us easily.

You have to fix you, find out why you are afraid, yes I said AFRAID to stand up to her.
My guess is that you want to look good in her eyes and her family's eyes also?
My guess is that you are hopelessly " in love " with her?

*This is why I advised earlier that you check her online activity.
 

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geez tamii,you're a freakin doormat..no kids at home,spends like a drunkin sailor,i know you just piece and quiet in your life without your wife harping at you,but damn man...my suggestion is take COMPLETE control of the fiances,no cc cards,get her a gas card if need be..and i would be doing some serious digging on why she's pushing so darn hard on a half million dollar house---not saing she's cheating...
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Well, at the end of the day, like the previous posters said, I just want to live in peace and don't want to have to put up with her temper tantrums.

Yes, I know that's very weak of me. I'll have to change that.
 

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I would no longer have to put up with her tempers and constantly blaming me for her having to work.... We have other issues with our marriage.
What other issues,Tamii? In addition to the temper tantrums, sense of entitlement, always being "The Victim," and selfishness, what other behaviors are you seeing? Have the temper tantrums been fairly persistent (i.e., every couple of weeks) throughout the nine years whenever she did not get her way? Does she show any irrational jealousy or try to isolate you from friends or family members (a sign of a strong fear of abandonment)? Does she do black-white thinking, wherein she categorizes everyone as "all good" or "all bad"?
 
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