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Discussion Starter #41
Did you explain to your ex the honest truth about why you were breaking up with her?
Because she had some meaningless one night stands and for whatever reason you couldn’t accept it.
This despite originally telling her that you were okay with her past.
Would you have preferred that she’d had three five year relationships which included daily sex?

Yes, i tried to be as clear as i could with her during the break up. Also during our first date together i warned her that our pasts were different from one another and i needed some time to digest all the information she was giving me when we first talked about it.

I would not have had an issue if she had daily sex in more serious relationships.
 

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Yes, i tried to be as clear as i could with her during the break up. Also during our first date together i warned her that our pasts were different from one another and i needed some time to digest all the information she was giving me when we first talked about it.

I would not have had an issue if she had daily sex in more serious relationships.
So on your very first date you let her know that she was being evaluated, you were giving her a trial run to see if she could meet your exacting standards.
I’m surprised she didn’t tell you to go and **** yourself.
 

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Really.

Why would that matter? She wanted to have sex with someone and found a willing, attractive, not-psycho partner, disease free.

Haven't we all had those? Sometimes those were exactly what that evening or weekend warranted. No mind games. No what if stressors.
Disease free...you are assuming. Not-pshycho? How does one tell? Have we not all done this? Nope.
 

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Really.

Why would that matter? She wanted to have sex with someone and found a willing, attractive, not-psycho partner, disease free.

Haven't we all had those? Sometimes those were exactly what that evening or weekend warranted. No mind games. No what if stressors.
It matters because some people, not all, but some people, regard sex as something shared only with a special person you're having a relationship with that's based upon more than "just" sexual needs. That's being made into a bigger issue than it really is. It's just a thing. People are free to choose how they view what they're willing to share. Nobody is making a blanket indictment that it's a bad thing for everyone. It's just not their view of what sex means to them, and since that's an important thing in their inner world, what sex means to them, it's an important compatibility issue.
 

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Discussion Starter #46
So on your very first date you let her know that she was being evaluated, you were giving her a trial run to see if she could meet your exacting standards.
I’m surprised she didn’t tell you to go and **** yourself.

She told me that she found me very attractive and we slept togther from the first date. She changed the mind about the nature of our relationship later on and wanted to turn it into a more serious kind of thing, i did not disagree to that as it was my goal from the start.
 

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So on your very first date you let her know that she was being evaluated, you were giving her a trial run to see if she could meet your exacting standards.
I’m surprised she didn’t tell you to go and **** yourself.
There is nothing wrong with either of those things.
 

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She told me that she found me very attractive and we slept togther from the first date. She changed the mind about the nature of our relationship later on and wanted to turn it into a more serious kind of thing, i did not disagree to that as it was my goal from the start.
So you were both looking for no strings attached sex and then you both developed feelings.
Then something changed within you and you used her past as an excuse to break up.
That was exceptionally ****ty of you. And weak.
I could be nasty here but I won’t.
You are going to have a lonely life if you don’t get yourself sorted out.
 

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It matters because some people, not all, but some people, regard sex as something shared only with a special person you're having a relationship with that's based upon more than "just" sexual needs. That's being made into a bigger issue than it really is. It's just a thing. People are free to choose how they view what they're willing to share. Nobody is making a blanket indictment that it's a bad thing for everyone. It's just not their view of what sex means to them, and since that's an important thing in their inner world, what sex means to them, it's an important compatibility issue.
That’s a lovely piece of advice.
Except the op had sex with his ex on their first date and continued having sex with her until he decided that she was unsuitable.
 

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Discussion Starter #50
So you were both looking for no strings attached sex and then you both developed feelings.
Then something changed within you and you used her past as an excuse to break up.
That was exceptionally ****ty of you. And weak.
I could be nasty here but I won’t.
You are going to have a lonely life if you don’t get yourself sorted out.

I wasn't looking for a no strings attached sex and after our first date i contacted her first and asked for another date. I was not even expecting our first date to turn out like that, she suggested to go to somewhere private herself and initiated sex, I simply did not refuse her advances.
 

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The thing that really turned me off about women into casual sex is that sperm can survive down there for about 5 days. Maybe just a good ol thrashing would work with protection, but would you go down there?? I think I might vomit.
 

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So you were both looking for no strings attached sex and then you both developed feelings.
Then something changed within you and you used her past as an excuse to break up.
That was exceptionally ****ty of you. And weak.
I could be nasty here but I won’t.
You are going to have a lonely life if you don’t get yourself sorted out.
I have to second the sentiment expressed here.

Dirty pool my friend.
 

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I wasn't looking for a no strings attached sex and after our first date i contacted her first and asked for another date. I was not even expecting our first date to turn out like that, she suggested to go to somewhere private herself and initiated sex, I simply did not refuse her advances.
It does take two to tango.

If you really felt strongly about refraining, you would have.
 

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I have to second the sentiment expressed here.

Dirty pool my friend.
Isn't it so much better for her that he did express these sentiments sooner than later? You can think what you will about the OP, how it was OK for him as long as it was a fun thing to do in the moment, and then he turned righteous or whatever. Sure, consider him a jerk. But give him credit for showing his true nature sooner than later. Things would not have turned out well for her, staying with him. No way, no how.

In my opinion, best-case scenario is that he gets IC to sort himself out, because now he's carrying the same baggage he accuses her of having. He should explain to her it's him, not her (which I think/hope he did?) and that this brought up his need to get sorted out before he has another relationship. If he comes out the other end intact, great, but she should be looking elsewhere for someone not quite as broken as he is.

None of this changes the premise that, for many, "history" can be important and not easily dismissed. And that, for some, that's OK. It's a choice, based on their own ethics and morals. People have a right to that. They do not have a right to allow those ethics and morals to cause harm to others though.
 

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Disease free...you are assuming. Not-pshycho? How does one tell? Have we not all done this? Nope.
In all fairness, even virgins can be psycho. It's impossible to tell until someone has been dating a while. It's just the risk one takes when they invite other people into their lives.
 

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It may be a shame that it can't work out for OP, but it would be an even greater loss for his partner if he ignored what bothers him and things exploded later. She will likely find someone for whom her particular narrative isn't an issue. He will hopefully find someone as well. And it could even be that, a few years down the road, he learned from this encounter how to change and be more accepting of such things. And maybe they might reconnect. Who knows.

Above all, I don't think OP is suggesting that it's wrong to be like her. He sincerely wishes he could be more accepting. He's taking ownership of where the issue is.
My post was not meant to imply he needs to stay with her, just to sort through his reasons better. As I said, I don’t engage in meaningless sex either. And even if he wanted to judge her behavior, he has every right to his opinion. I just had trouble figuring out what his reasoning was and was giving my opinion on 2 different scenario’s.

I’m in 100% agreement that if her past of meaningless sex grossed him about because it turns him off he has done the right thing in breaking it off...that’s what my “carry on” comment meant.

ETA: Just caught up on the rest of the thread. I’m calling No bueno on sleeping with her on the first date and then judging her for that kind of behavior later on. So it’s ok when OP does it or when she does it with him but not anyone else. Hypocrisy at its finest. She’s much better off finding someone new. I feel for her. If OP was so repulsed by that behavior he should look in the mirror and figure out why HE did it too. Because first date sex is not meaningful, it just isn’t. You can end up having a relationship later but that first time is not meaningful.
 

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ETA: Just caught up on the rest of the thread. I’m calling No bueno on sleeping with her on the first date and then judging her for that kind of behavior later on. So it’s ok when OP does it or when she does it with him but not anyone else. Hypocrisy at its finest. She’s much better off finding someone new. I feel for her. If OP was so repulsed by that behavior he should look in the mirror and figure out why HE did it too. Because first date sex is not meaningful, it just isn’t. You can end up having a relationship later but that first time is not meaningful.
We are in complete agreement. And again, something his partner needed to be aware of, the hypocrisy that it's OK for him and not here. There's a bit of a feeling that he thinks less of her because she was "too easy."

Still want to give some OP credit for recognizing he'd be a bad partner for her. He needs help dealing with his own issues.
 

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We are in complete agreement. And again, something his partner needed to be aware of, the hypocrisy that it's OK for him and not here. There's a bit of a feeling that he thinks less of her because she was "too easy."

Still want to give some OP credit for recognizing he'd be a bad partner for her. He needs help dealing with his own issues.
I’d give him credit except his posts read more like he realized she’d be a bad partner for him which would eventually negatively affect her. I think he broke it off because her sexual behavior bothered him too much...even though he engages in the same behavior. He’s fooled himself that’s not the case, but it is the case. It’s a real shame...it seems like he had a good connection with her.
 
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