[ak41]

Hi Fellas,

I really need a guys perspective on this because it's puzzling me and really starting to bother me. Well first off let me say my husband is a very busy man basically has two full time jobs. Anyway this is about sex. Well he used to be a whenever wherever kind of guy. We both I believed had high drives. So he isn't a husband that could complain for lack of sex. Well he has turned into a mainly morning guy before work which gives us maybe 10 minutes.

When we go to bed I can be clothed or not and he just falls asleep, he's become to tired to be with me. Like last night for instance I said something about going to bed and he commented who said we were going to sleep, well he gets in the bedroom and boom sleeping.

But yet he will turn around and make comments like I'm withholding or he will go about me not wanting to kiss or touch on him and I told him when I do you act all skiddish, he said well maybe I do well wth does he want?

We are in our 30's but it makes me feel old and undesired. I lay in bed at night with my husband of a little over a year who used not he able to keep his hands off me and he would tell me sleep can wait. I just miss the connection and the way he used to be with me. Am I making to big of a deal out of this, maybe being to sensitive? Give me your thoughts. Thanks ahead of time guys!!

 

[SpinDaddy]

. . . .Well he has turned into a mainly morning guy before work which gives us maybe 10 minutes.. . . .

Wake him up earlier.

 

[MaritimeGuy]

Two full time jobs is bound to tire anyone. Is it possible to cut back expenses or for you to bring in more income so he can cut back how much he's working?

 

[Deejo]

I have no idea where your schedules intersect, but in terms of going after the low hanging fruit of seeing how deep this issue may be, change up your timing.

More simply, don't go for sex at bedtime, if that is an option. Sex for dinner. Sex instead of television. That sort of thing.

Be a bit more forward.

Any of that doable?

Certainly could just be his schedule unless there is anything else behaviorally that strikes you as off. Presumably he still treats you very well otherwise?

 

[humanbecoming]

There are times I really want it, but just don't have the energy to do all the things that are going to lead to good sex with her becoming very interested. Perhaps this is true of him? Being willing, or wanting it, but not being willing to put in some of the physical activity required might be keeping you guys from connecting. Try initiating and taking the lead more- do more touching, kissing, etc. a womans sexuality is generally mental, but a mans is physical- for us, laying there available is nice when we have the energy, but when we don't, start touching and kissing US, and get us worked up.

 

[unbelievable]

You can't plow with your horse 16 hours every day and expect to win a distance race afterwards. Be glad he gives you a ten minute ride. Feed him well, wash and curry him and give him a few hours of stall time. He's doing the job of two husbands. Give him a little extra maintenance and I bet he'll be up for a distance ride every now and then. I've worked two jobs for many years. It can be done but it aint fun and over time it's hard on the body. Lots of women can't get their man off the couch to do one job.

 

[40isthenew20]

Guys love sex upon wake up and the morning wood is a strong indicator of that. Working long hours will tire anyone and he feels refreshed after some rest. But his frustration shouldn't be pointed towards you.

Schedule sex, as odd as that may appear to some folks. It works and the anticipation makes it more fun.

 

[bobby5]

Not being up to sex when holding down two jobs isnt a shack. Him not wanting you to touch or kiss him is a lot more serious. It little intimacies fade then you wont be close enough to discuss the absence of sex in an environment in which he is comfortable. Its not easty but you need to sort out basic hugs, reassuring cuddles and intimate winks first. Discuss this without placing any big emphasis on sex. If you sort this you are on your way. If you dont your marraige could be in big trouble. I would like your opinion on my situation...
Here http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/61513-need-woman-explain-me.html#post1233353

 

[unbelievable]

Why is he working two jobs? Do you work, too? I wonder if it's possible that he might be acting less affectionate because he feels resentment that maybe he's sawing more than his share of the log or his efforts aren't appreciated. I work two jobs and my wife doesn't work. We have no kids. I admit it sometimes irritates me to watch her sleep as I go to work and then find her asleep when I come home (to no supper), to call her from work and know she won't answer because she's asleep. My wife has depression, bipolar, etc, so I take it in stride but if she didn't, her lack of participation would seriously piss me off.

 

[ManUp]

It sounds to me like he's resentful of having to work two jobs, but he doesn't know how to fix that so he creates a bull**** excuse like "you're withholding" etc...

Most people will put up bull**** first instead of declaring what the true issue is.

 

[ak41]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for all the input. Yes I also work. I am a very independent woman and he doesn't really need to pay for anything when it comes to me. He works two jobs by choice, total workaholic, it runs in his genes.

 

[ManUp]

No it doesn't. Workaholism is a learned coping mechanism to cover dissatisfaction in other areas. My Dad is a workaholic. I am not. I choose to not avoid my family. My Dad did choose that. He's on his 4th wife.

Do not excuse your husbands bad behaviour.

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[ak41]

Well that is a new way to look at it I guess. Thank you for that. Time has always been his vice thats why all his past relationships ended. Even though we have gotten off my subject. He was different when he dated me he made time for me and if I was upset or hurt by his actions it really affected him and he would have to fix it.

Well after our wedding that changed he wasn't in a hurry to get home, and if he hurt my feelings or upsets me its kind of like the whatever attitude. So yes I don't know, you are correct it is bad behavior I am proud he is a hard worker but there is no balance what so ever. We see each other less than 10 hours a week.

 

[A++]

Give me your thoughts. Thanks ahead of time guys!!

You sound like a wonderful, understanding wife.

As a man, I advise you to print out your post and hand it to him.

If he still doesn't get it, then, you have your answer as to whether things will change,
and as to whether or not you should leave, or stay and figure out how to deal...

 

[Hicks]

Why is he working two full time jobs?
That is a problem becuase a) he thinks he is meeting your emotioanl need for financial security when you really have a need for sex b) he is tired, c) he is stressed, d) you two are not spending time together connecting which leads to sex.