[Baffled01]

Title says it all. I've been on this forum since March, have 2 previous threads Thought she was cheating based on suspicious behavior and gut feeling. Since then have tried everything including VAR's, cell phone monitoring, keyloggers, GPS trackers. Nothing conclusive ever revealed but just enough to keep my suspicions alive. I was slowly coming to a point of piece of mind when she found a VAR in the bedroom, then discovered a receipt from a PI. Now it's over. She says NO TRUST, NO MARRIAGE.

She may very well have been cheating, on the otherhand I just may be a jealous, insecure Bastard who threw away a good thing. She's moving out this week with our two beautiful kids. Divorce already filed, and she is resolute about not reconciling.

This may be a painful lesson to some about taking this stuff too far, or just just a clever, lucky girl who bided her time, waiting for me to make a mistake so she could exit as the 'good girl'.

Anyways I may never know. What I do know is I am in misery.

 

[daisygirl 41]

Can you bullet point why you were suspicious in the first place?
Sounds like an extreme reaction to me!
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[TCSRedhead]

Her reaction is a bit over the top. Would I be upset if I were not cheating? Probably. Would I divorce? No. I would have wanted to understand what had happened.

What did you find that kept your suspicions going?

 

[Baffled01]

said she was unhappy with me, A couple of late nights after work about an hour or so, not sleeping with me saying I'm snoring. Tried several antidepressants be she discontinued because of side effects. Went to 6 weeks of marriage counseling, worked for a while but then suspicious behaviour again.

It's probably me

 

[FryFish]

Naw... She is either cheating and wanted out or just wanted out... This was always going to happen, dont beat yourself up.

 

[Baffled01]

Her reaction is a bit over the top. Would I be upset if I were not cheating? Probably. Would I divorce? No. I would have wanted to understand what had happened.

What did you find that kept your suspicions going?

a phone message from a strange jamaican guy asking for a date

strange profile a website call 'explore talent' advertising as a dancer with sexy pics posted.

She's filipino and her filiino bf's and other men were friending her every day.

Much I already posted on previous threads
but the latest ws her flirting with a Black kid on the front line at the fast food where she worked. Witnessed by coworkers of mmine, This kid was asking to go home with her and she did not discourage it

 

[Baffled01]

Naw... She is either cheating and wanted out or just wanted out... This was always going to happen, dont beat yourself up.

Most agree she wanted out, although from my perspective we had great times, and it looked like she thought so too.

 

[Married in VA]

Why are you letting her move out with your two kids? If she wants out, she goes, kids stay in the family home. If you allow this then you will be setting a precedent that can work against you for custody unless, of course, you don't want any custody.

If you want your kids with you, you tell her. If she takes them anyway, file for custody and the jugde will almost certainly keep them in the family home while the D proceeds.

 

[SomedayDig]

She was and still is playing you. Period. Sorry, but whenever any spouse says the stuff outta the Cheater's Handbook, it just speaks volumes to me. Be happy she's leaving...but you need to think about your children now. How much custody do you want? Cuz if you want 50/50, you're gonna need to step up and say she can't just take the kids out of the house.

 

[CleanJerkSnatch]

One of the most common events that involve infidelity is the wayward spouse asking for divorce, through with it, tired of it, no more love, no more fire and chemistry, its boring, its habitual AND basically for no reason whatsoever.

Your wife may not be guilty but if she really loved you she'd probably help assure you that she isn't cheating.

I would become even more transparent if my spouse ever believed I was cheating. I'd let her know where I am, full access to cellphone, kill the friends for a year or so, no opposite sex friends, no dinners without the wife, no working late hours, no social networking use, never take to long getting milk at the grocery store etc etc etc

 

[remorseful strayer]

Title says it all. I've been on this forum since March, have 2 previous threads Thought she was cheating based on suspicious behavior and gut feeling. Since then have tried everything including VAR's, cell phone monitoring, keyloggers, GPS trackers. Nothing conclusive ever revealed but just enough to keep my suspicions alive. I was slowly coming to a point of piece of mind when she found a VAR in the bedroom, then discovered a receipt from a PI. Now it's over. She says NO TRUST, NO MARRIAGE.

She may very well have been cheating, on the otherhand I just may be a jealous, insecure Bastard who threw away a good thing. She's moving out this week with our two beautiful kids. Divorce already filed, and she is resolute about not reconciling.

This may be a painful lesson to some about taking this stuff too far, or just just a clever, lucky girl who bided her time, waiting for me to make a mistake so she could exit as the 'good girl'.

Anyways I may never know. What I do know is I am in misery.

My gut instinct is that she IS AND WAS cheating and is most likely a very experienced serial cheater.

That is why you found NO EVIDENCE.

No one would leave a marriage simply due to finding a VAR. There is a reason WHY you were suspicious.

And as annoying as it may be to find your spouse does not trust you, it is not as damaging as finding out about an affair, and it is not a valid reason for leaving a marriage.

 

[The Middleman]

Don't second guess yourself, if your gut told you something was going on, it probably was. She is using the VAR as an excuse do do something she wanted to do all along.

 

[bfree]

She's not leaving you because you planted a VAR. She's leaving you because she's cheating and now is afraid your increased security will eventually catch her.

 

[Pepper123]

I agree... she was done. Whether it was cheating or walkaway wife syndrome, she wanted out. I know that it doesn't feel like it right now, but you will be better off without her. Allow yourself the necessary time to grieve and be there for your kids. They will need your strength right now more than ever.

 

[C3156]

I was slowly coming to a point of piece of mind when she found a VAR in the bedroom, then discovered a receipt from a PI. Now it's over. She says NO TRUST, NO MARRIAGE.

Always trust your gut.

My gut instinct is that she IS AND WAS cheating and is most likely a very experienced serial cheater.

That is why you found NO EVIDENCE.

No one would leave a marriage simply due to finding a VAR. There is a reason WHY you were suspicious.

She's moving out this week with our two beautiful kids. Divorce already filed, and she is resolute about not reconciling.

Why are you allowing her to move out with your children? You are both their parents and have equal right to have the children with you until custody is settled. Don't fall on your sword being Mr. Nice Guy and allow her to walk all over you.

I would tell her she can leave but the kids will be staying in the home. As soon as she moves out, file for exclusive use of the marital home and temporary custody of the children.

Read this, it will help you sort some things:THE LIST (Print It) - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum

 

[Baffled01]

Always trust your gut.





Why are you allowing her to move out with your children? You are both their parents and have equal right to have the children with you until custody is settled. Don't fall on your sword being Mr. Nice Guy and allow her to walk all over you.

I would tell her she can leave but the kids will be staying in the home. As soon as she moves out, file for exclusive use of the marital home and temporary custody of the children.

Read this, it will help you sort some things:THE LIST (Print It) - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum

We've already decided on joint custody with her as the primary. We've only been married 5 years so no house, no 401k, just a child support payment which should be manageable by me. I could fight for custody but it would only cost more and I would probably still lose. She is also only getting a couch and TV and couple of small pieces of furniture.

 

[Pit-of-my-stomach]

*Don't fold this hand. re-raise, then snap call if she jams*

 

[Almostrecovered]

*Don't fold this hand. re-raise, then snap call if she jams*

2+2 forum advice works well here

 

[keko]

We've already decided on joint custody with her as the primary. We've only been married 5 years so no house, no 401k, just a child support payment which should be manageable by me. I could fight for custody but it would only cost more and I would probably still lose. She is also only getting a couch and TV and couple of small pieces of furniture.

Unless you're a documented drug addict and violent person, 50/50 is more likely. That's if you actually want 50/50. It appears you're happy with her taking only a handful items from the house but missing what's most important, your kids.

 

[AngryandUsed]

Although hard, you would do better by letting her go.

Then, you don't have to live with suspicions .