It's not the 1st time his wife has stayed out without telling her husband. She's done this many times. I've stayed overnight at friends also but my husband would always know. Her behaviour is dodgy, disrespectful of her husband, ignoring calls, texts etc.Well once again I guess I"m obtuse. 2 girls get together and chat or watch movies til late and this is some huge deal?
Have I ever chatted with a friend a lot longer than anticipated? yes.
Do I sometimes lose track of time? yes.
Do I text my husband sometimes certainly before 4 am BUT anytime he's wondering where I'm at he also texts or calls me and he can find my location anytime he wants.
You BOTH have **** communication techniques and styles.
Could she be cheating, yes. Do I think she's cheating, I don't know. I do know what's been presented here doesn't seem like any smoking gun.
Also about the hospital thing.
So a widower of your wifes best friend HAS TO HAVE an adult drive them home from surgery. Around here the hospital WILL NOT allow anyone to have surgery without someone checking them in that is responsible for checking them out. You are not allowed to use an Uber or Lyft as you that person is supposed to stay with you for x amount of time. This is the rules.
As the dead wife's best friend I don't see this as abnormal. We haven't heard anything about the 'girlfriend' I mean they are labeled girlfriends for reasons. Like I haven't been going out with him long and don't feel comfortable being a care giver. He hasn't even come close to committing and I have a life so I'll see him when he gets better. Girlfriend/Boyfriend isn't married. Doesn't mean reliable, willing or able. It can but doesn't have to mean that. Even some spouses can't be relied on. I wouldn't hesitate to help someone with this if they asked. ESPECIALLY if they were older and the widower of my best friend. Again if I wasn't home by the time my husband got off work, he would call me and ask me how's it going, my plans for coming home and if I wanted him to bring me dinner, or actually he'd just assume he was bringing dinner and ask me what I want then he'd come over and help. So why didn't you call when you first started to get irritated? Why did it not occur to you to help? It seems her independence may be part of you and her relationship style.
I see everyone telling you she's cheating and disrespecting you and to divorce.
That is certainly an option. But I find imperfect people come here and are told to expect their spouses to be perfect after being 'told' to do so. It feels like your relationship style is different than most and that you two have built more of an independent relationship style than many. You seem to get upset but don't do normal things that many people do that would circumvent the situation and then just explode. Frankly the confiscating of the underwear is also a big red flag. Did you use the find your phone to see if she was at the neighbors? Do you think she's doing the husband with the wife home? while possible not likely which means you are doing this stuff kind of over the top.
I think you two do need to learn a style of communication and boundary setting much better than you have. I think you both could use some professional help but many professionals may not be equipped to deal with you two.
Does your wife ever complain you aren't affectionate enough? That you don't connect with her?
I do know that in the divorce she'd be entitled to 50% and alimony if you continue to work. I do know that it sounds like she would have no trouble finding a replacement. While she's 70, she still likes sex, likes to go hunting, fishing and such and is still good looking with big breast the apparent number one quality men look for..... You may have no trouble finding another woman as apparently at this age there are plenty of desperate women. BUT I don't know too many that want to fish, boat, have lots of sex and are fit with large breasts. I wish you luck. I hope you figure out how to get what you want in life. You still have anywhere from a 1 day to 50 years left. Figure out how to get what you REALLY want. First figure out what you want... Then have a plan to get that. A realistic plan. Don't let me or anyone else make you think you have to do xyz.
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