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I may be writing prematurely but I'm writing now, hopefully to forge resolve and resilience in my current process.
i posted originally FIVE years ago about my initial discovery of my husband's infidelity. I am NOW deciding that I want to end the relationship.
We had a talk yesterday in which I confronted him with evidence and the question if he could stay faithful to me. The answer was there a long time ago, but I didn't hear it, or believe it. I heard it verbally yesterday.
I'm now exposing and psychologically preparing to move on. with action. small action. Five years later. I feel liberated and heartbroken. much more heartbroken though, right now.
I've been reading many posts and will be posting and sharing more hopefully to support others in their processes.
 

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Discussion Starter #43 (Edited)
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/6n4sap/this_is_our_reconciliation_story_its_long_but_i/
This fellow moved through it like a champ, and his WW's world was levelled by the truth.
Until he took her back in the end it seemed like a really good piece of fiction. Terrible ending though.

I feel I had to lose a part of the good in me so she can become a better person.
No happy ending in that, just a tragedy. If you have to lose some good to stay with a person then that person is a POS and you should move on.

Is there any true happy ending when people who take back a cheater. Even this guy who says he is happy writes that quote. I am getting to the point where I have a hard time believing the people that say they are happy. When you dig down they never really sound so, more like resigned.
 

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Is there any true happy ending when people who take back a cheater. Even this guy who says he is happy writes that quote. I am getting to the point where I have a hard time believing the people that say they are happy. When you dig down they never really sound so, more like resigned.
In reading various stories on message boards around the internet, I've seen this question posed to betrayed spouses. A lot of them claim if they had it do again, they wouldn't have reconciled. Many claim that they're no longer dealing with infidelity (that they know of, anyway) but what they lost from the marriage (memories, trust, hopes, dreams) as well as what they lost of themselves was a high price to pay, in retrospect.

Then you have the others who protest just a little too loudly about how 'successful' and how much 'happier' their marriages are after they've reconciled. Jesus, to me that's like saying, "even though I was disrespected to my core and treated like something the cat threw up when my partner was cheating on me (and long afterwards while the lies continued and probably STILL continue to this day), I chose to eat a giant **** sandwich - and swallow my dignity right along with it - and stay with him/her, and now we're happier than ever!"

Well alrighty, then.
 

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Discussion Starter #45 (Edited)
In reading various stories on message boards around the internet, I've seen this question posed to betrayed spouses. A lot of them claim if they had it do again, they wouldn't have reconciled. Many claim that they're no longer dealing with infidelity (that they know of, anyway) but what they lost from the marriage (memories, trust, hopes, dreams) as well as what they lost of themselves was a high price to pay, in retrospect.

Then you have the others who protest just a little too loudly about how 'successful' and how much 'happier' their marriages are after they've reconciled. Jesus, to me that's like saying, "even though I was disrespected to my core and treated like something the cat threw up when my partner was cheating on me (and long afterwards while the lies continued and probably STILL continue to this day), I chose to eat a giant **** sandwich - and swallow my dignity right along with it - and stay with him/her, and now we're happier than ever!"

Well alrighty, then.
My thinking is what are they comparing it to? Even in the ones who had a terrible marriage before the cheating happened, they are still comparing there new marriage to a terrible marriage. Good and Happy are relative adjectives. Losing your soul for what you think is happiness sounds like a bad trade off. But if this is all you know then maybe you are willing to accept that. But maybe you should get out there and see if there is more to know.

Granted I started reading these sites with a bias that in almost all cases divorce was preferable but I have to say in my two years of reading these stories there hasn't been anything to make me think that isn't correct.

I'm sure it's great from the WS point of view but most of the stories from the BS point of view read like - "It's true they ran me over with the car but they are really sorry about that now and our relationship is pretty good. They know they were an ass for running me over with that car", as they limp away. "I love them!"
 

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https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=620583&HL=63398

Don’t bother reading last few pages, the responders get crazy
Bahaha! I chose to go right to the last few pages to see the drama. Now why am I NOT surprised that once again, the resident lunatic "Sister Milkshake" is right in there spitting her vitriol as she always does? I guess she just can't stand it when others choose to divorce their cheater rather than desperately cling to them at all costs - like she did after her husband's 7 year long affair.

I think deep down, her humiliation at choosing to eat a huge **** sandwich for the rest of her born days must really be nagging at her because she's ALWAYS getting in disagreements over there with those who don't share her desperate views. The Stepford admins over there must feel sorry for her because she should have been banned LONG ago.
 

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Discussion Starter #48

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Discussion Starter #51 (Edited)
Well we don't know the ending. I had my doubts about that one anyway. If it's true and to be believed once again a good man who is discarded like garbage.

If so it's a clear reminder that once they start to cheat on you they have left the marriage. She was much more upset when she learned the POS she was boning was boning someone else at the same time then the loss of everything else in her life, husband, house, kids, job, reputation. Do people even wake up from this and get it?

The thing with stories like this is I don't believe them even if they are true. In the sense that I think that if you were to examine this women and how she behaved in the marriage more closely I would suspect that there always were warning signs, it's just that he didn't (or maybe didn't want to) see it.

I really don't think normal moral people are able to go off the rails like this, and frankly when I read the going off the rails stories it always comes out that this was a pattern from very early on in the marriage. They always had cheated earlier or pushed boundaries that were ignored. Not to say they don't have affairs but it's not like this.

Anyway in the end I think the best course of actions is to accept that your cheating spouse has already given up on you and your marriage and you are just catching up. Even if they stay or want to stay their priorities before they got caught say the truth. Plus this women is just off, not a good choice.
 

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Discussion Starter #55

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I'm glad you posted this. He seems to be doing well and moving towards a better life.
Honestly, I have been around this for forty years, and whenever I think nothing can shock me, something does. Folks, I have but one thing to say, those of you that have had this happen in their relationship, this story serves as an example of what devastation can be wrought, years and years after the affair. There was something even less blatant last year on SI, it may even have a link here. I believe the poster was AmbivalentOne, and the post detailed discovery of an affair from long ago. She kept a digital record even though the affair had ended a decade earlier, and the OM was dead. Her poor husband stumbled across the evidence, and it blew his world to bits. She could not deal with him finding out, and took her own life several months later. The OP and his daughters were destroyed, and mom is now long gone, and has left three broken people in her wake.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=614285
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=618626&AP=1
 

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Discussion Starter #57
Honestly, I have been around this for forty years, and whenever I think nothing can shock me, something does. Folks, I have but one thing to say, those of you that have had this happen in their relationship, this story serves as an example of what devastation can be wrought, years and years after the affair. There was something even less blatant last year on SI, it may even have a link here. I believe the poster was AmbivalentOne, and the post detailed discovery of an affair from long ago. She kept a digital record even though the affair had ended a decade earlier, and the OM was dead. Her poor husband stumbled across the evidence, and it blew his world to bits. She could not deal with him finding out, and took her own life several months later. The OP and his daughters were destroyed, and mom is now long gone, and has left three broken people in her wake.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=614285
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=618626&AP=1
That is one of the worst ones. He has posted occasionally on other post but not much about his situation.

This is really a positive story which is what I was going for in the thread.
 

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You can add my name to the list.
joined 2013....freedom after years of TAM. March 2018
My story was so close to River Rat peeps thought I was him.
TAM thought my story was made up for a year. Because it was so strange.
I just want to thank all of ya'll here. I got my life and sanity back!
 

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I had forgotten about that one.

How ****ing tragic...SMH.

Honestly, I have been around this for forty years, and whenever I think nothing can shock me, something does. Folks, I have but one thing to say, those of you that have had this happen in their relationship, this story serves as an example of what devastation can be wrought, years and years after the affair. There was something even less blatant last year on SI, it may even have a link here. I believe the poster was AmbivalentOne, and the post detailed discovery of an affair from long ago. She kept a digital record even though the affair had ended a decade earlier, and the OM was dead. Her poor husband stumbled across the evidence, and it blew his world to bits. She could not deal with him finding out, and took her own life several months later. The OP and his daughters were destroyed, and mom is now long gone, and has left three broken people in her wake.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=614285
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=618626&AP=1
 

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Discussion Starter #60
Seriously guys I started this thread to empower people not show them the worst possible outcomes. Showing the ONE story where the wife who is clearly mentally ill commit suicide is only going to scare people from moving on.

YOU GUYS ARE NOT HELPING!
 
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