[needyForHelp]

Hi all,

To understand the following post I'll give some background.

I am 31 , W 30, married for almost 4 years and a kid of almost 3 years.
My wife never had a lot of sexual desire, rather almost has no desire, because of the cultural background where she was told from Childhood that Sex is something which a Girl should never do, and she strongly believes that if she has to do it then has to do it only for the husband, and should take minimum part in the sex.
I don't want to go in a long detail, but in short, she doesn't like to have sex but for me sex is very very very important.

Sometimes she gives me a so called HJ, but she always keeps lying down in the bed on my side with her eyes closed and one arm on her eyes, and the other hand stretched to my d*ck and rub it, mostly my d*ick being inside the underwear. I have always asked her to take more interest, atleast sit up so that I can feel she is involved in it rather than just giving me a feeling that she hates it and just wants to get over with it.
I always hatted it but come on, mostly thats the BEST sex I can get so I always took it, but yesterday, there was something new.

I gave her an orgasm with my hand (I am ready to give oral but she won't take it) and then she was trying to give me one with her hand in upmentioned style. I once again asked her to sit up and show some interest but she simply said, no I can't do that. But suddenly while she was rubbing me I completely LOST my seduction. I rather started hating her touching me. and just asked her to take her hand away and I just didn't even want to look at her or talk to her.

This was totally new to me. Can anybody help, what the hell is happening to me???

P.S. I have talked to my wife about our unhealthy and boring sex life, and me not being satisfied. The problem is yet to be resolved.

 

[roostr]

question, if you knew her ethnical background and you knew how she was brought up in this manner, why did you marry her if you don't accept her beliefs?

 

[wiigirl]

question, if you knew her ethnical background and you knew how she was brought up in this manner, why did you marry her if you don't accept her beliefs?

This....maybe some mc?

Posted via Mobile Device

 

[needyForHelp]

question, if you knew her ethnical background and you knew how she was brought up in this manner, why did you marry her if you don't accept her beliefs?

We share the BELIEFS and there is nothing in the belief that you can not have fun and good sex with your spouse.

And to answer that question, it was an arranged marriage (Lets not talk about that, because I don't want to detract the discussion).

 

[Henri]

But suddenly while she was rubbing me I completely LOST my seduction. I rather started hating her touching me. and just asked her to take her hand away and I just didn't even want to look at her or talk to her.

This was totally new to me. Can anybody help, what the hell is happening to me???

Hi
I think if it becomes forced or planned then we can go from hot to luke warm or cold. Sex is not just physical but involves the mind an emotions, if a part is missing then the whole thing might ground to a stop.

My view is that it isn't about finding a fault, but trying something different, something new. If we spend time finding the broken part we head off in a different direction. I am not suggesting you are, but hope this addresses what I think is the question you are asking.

 

[Chris Taylor]

I'd suggest some individual counseling for her.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

How did she react when you told her to stop, effectively rejecting her? I'm wondering if it was a "learning" moment for her.

 

[needyForHelp]

I hope it was, she was like, "Why what happened?" But I was too disturbed and just closed my eyes and said, "Nothing I just lost it and not feeling it any more", and then she said, "You think alot". Then she put her hand on my chest and I kept lying there.
I am not sure about the last time but before that if I ever say "No" after something like that, she feels relieved and sleeps comfortably. But last time it was early in the morning and she could go to sleep, but in a few minutes she started acting like, as if NOTHING HAPPENED. ...........
I am totally confused not about her behavior as it is totally expected and she has explicitly mentioned many times that she doesn't have as much sexual desire as I have, but I am worried what the hell happened to me. I had almost never said no to sex in my life before. Even if I don't want I do it anyways but last time the feeling was so strong that I lost the seduction, and erection and just didn't want to touch her or neither wanted her to touch me.

 

[WorkingOnMe]

Nothing to be worried about on your part. It's hard to keep it up with a woman who clearly is not that into you. Personally I would probably move to a different bedroom. Show her through your actions that this is a serious problem. She's not taking it seriously at all. She thinks the whole thing is your problem and no big deal. She knows you'll never leave no matter how she treats you, and she's probably right in that respect. So you just need to find a way to cope.

 

[needyForHelp]

Hi
My view is that it isn't about finding a fault, but trying something different, something new. If we spend time finding the broken part we head off in a different direction. I am not suggesting you are, but hope this addresses what I think is the question you are asking.

I agree with you, but the problem is she WON'T EXPERIMENT ANYTHING. I am NOT ALLOWED to give her Oral, She wouldn't even look at my d!ck and only allowed position is missionary or if, if if she is feeling it then she would ride me BUT WITHOUT INSERTING .... just rubbing. Even if I ask to insert she would just say NO.

So she is NOT open to any experiment or change. Its becoming boring its very simple, I give her orgasm with my fingers, and sometimes touching and even fewer time sucking her nipples and then after she has the orgasm, She would lie down completely static, closed eyes, mostly with a face saying (Get over it) and I have to come over for missionary, Once I am done, then simply I have to go to washroom and then she'll go to washroom .......then thats it as if, HER JOB IS OVER.
Did I mention we have never ever used tongue or open mouth while kissing.
And in upmentioned SO CALLED HANDJOB if I ask her to kiss me anywhere in the body including my face, the answer will be "NO".

 

[chillymorn]

I hope it was, she was like, "Why what happened?" But I was too disturbed and just closed my eyes and said, "Nothing I just lost it and not feeling it any more", and then she said, "You think alot". Then she put her hand on my chest and I kept lying there.
I am not sure about the last time but before that if I ever say "No" after something like that, she feels relieved and sleeps comfortably. But last time it was early in the morning and she could go to sleep, but in a few minutes she started acting like, as if NOTHING HAPPENED. ...........
I am totally confused not about her behavior as it is totally expected and she has explicitly mentioned many times that she doesn't have as much sexual desire as I have, but I am worried what the hell happened to me. I had almost never said no to sex in my life before. Even if I don't want I do it anyways but last time the feeling was so strong that I lost the seduction, and erection and just didn't want to touch her or neither wanted her to touch me.

this is your body rejecting her.

have a talk with her about how her advoidance/disgust towords your body(penis) make you feel undesired and how your sex lfe is starting to be unfullfilling. tell her sex and marriage are beautiful and that god would want you guys to be the best lovers you can be to each other. ask her if she is willing to try to make sex better for both of you .

 

[chillymorn]

I agree with you, but the problem is she WON'T EXPERIMENT ANYTHING. I am NOT ALLOWED to give her Oral, She wouldn't even look at my d!ck and only allowed position is missionary or if, if if she is feeling it then she would ride me BUT WITHOUT INSERTING .... just rubbing. Even if I ask to insert she would just say NO.

So she is NOT open to any experiment or change. Its becoming boring its very simple, I give her orgasm with my fingers, and sometimes touching and even fewer time sucking her nipples and then after she has the orgasm, She would lie down completely static, closed eyes, mostly with a face saying (Get over it) and I have to come over for missionary, Once I am done, then simply I have to go to washroom and then she'll go to washroom .......then thats it as if, HER JOB IS OVER.
Did I mention we have never ever used tongue or open mouth while kissing.
And in upmentioned SO CALLED HANDJOB if I ask her to kiss me anywhere in the body including my face, the answer will be "NO".

forget my previous post. this is something for the professionals.
she has some serious hang up about sex sorry dude your in for a long haul if you want this to change.

 

[tom67]

forget my previous post. this is something for the professionals.
she has some serious hang up about sex sorry dude your in for a long haul if you want this to change.

I'm not an expert either but some that reject sex like that have been sexually abused in the past you should read up on that.

 

[needyForHelp]

Personally I would probably move to a different bedroom. Show her through your actions that this is a serious problem.

I have tried that, sleeping other bedroom, actually she prefers that, and if I sleep in the other bedroom, she likes and sleeps even better. the only thing she wants is if she is not being able to sleep then she wants me to rub her back and then she sleeps, after that she prefers if I sleep in another room

There is no need of showing as if it is a very serious problem, because I have actually clearly mentioned it to her that "IT IS A VERY VERY VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM AND IT IS EFFECTING OUR RELATIONSHIP BADLY, AND MY INTEREST IN YOU IS DECREASING EVERYDAY. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT OR I DON'T THINK ITS WORKING."

She's not taking it seriously at all. She thinks the whole thing is your problem and no big deal.

You are 100% right about that, and she has said it many times that she has no interest in sex, may be once in a month or in two months and thats it otherwise sex is just my problem, and she thinks there is nothing wrong. She lets me get off, once in one or two weeks, and if I get ejaculation once in a week or two weeks, no matter how, then she thinks her JOB IS DONE.

 

[needyForHelp]

I'm not an expert either but some that reject sex like that have been sexually abused in the past you should read up on that.

I have, and there is nothing like that. (I mean being sexually abused in the past) But there is one really abnormal thing I have seen in her family, I have known her family for almost 4 years now, and I have stayed at her parents home many times, but I have never seen her parents sleeping in the same room, they have their own rooms and sleep separate. And I have never even seen them sitting together, just themselves.

I have discussed me being not satisfied with our sex, and her reply was, "I have talked to my mom and my sister about it, and they also say that we don't want to have sex either and do it only for our husbands." I have thought to talk to her sister's husband about their sex life, to get a view, if they have the same issues or not.

 

[PHTlump]

I have tried that, sleeping other bedroom, actually she prefers that, and if I sleep in the other bedroom, she likes and sleeps even better. the only thing she wants is if she is not being able to sleep then she wants me to rub her back and then she sleeps, after that she prefers if I sleep in another room

Because you're the butler. The butler comes in and rubs the mistress's back. He doesn't sleep with her.

There is no need of showing as if it is a very serious problem, because I have actually clearly mentioned it to her that "IT IS A VERY VERY VERY SERIOUS PROBLEM AND IT IS EFFECTING OUR RELATIONSHIP BADLY, AND MY INTEREST IN YOU IS DECREASING EVERYDAY. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT OR I DON'T THINK ITS WORKING."

Wrong. There are two kinds of communication, verbal and non-verbal. You are verbally telling her that you have a problem. Non-verbally, you are telling her that everything is fine. You are giving her exactly what she wants (infrequent sex, sleeping in another room, etc.) You have given her the power in your relationship. So, she ignores your words and pays attention to your actions. If your actions were consistent with your words, then she would believe you.

You are 100% right about that, and she has said it many times that she has no interest in sex, may be once in a month or in two months and thats it otherwise sex is just my problem, and she thinks there is nothing wrong.

That's because to her, everything is great. She wants sex once a month, and she gets sex once a month. Mission accomplished. She's willing to give you two handjobs a month, and you're willing to accept two handjobs a month. Perfect match. From her perspective, there's no reason to change.

The only way you will change her actions is to stop accepting them. If you demand sex once a week, then she will either have sex once a week, or she will divorce you. She might go either way. But at least you won't be having sex once a month.

Good luck.

 

[needyForHelp]

I have even asked her, that she should wear nice beautiful clothes, I love jewelry so she should wear jewelry, so that I shouldn't be looking at girls outside, as they do attract me alot, and her answer was, sure you may look at them and get attracted to them, but I don't feel beautiful so I don't want to accessories my self. ............ I was totally shocked and stunned and couldn't say anything.

 

[PHTlump]

I have even asked her, that she should wear nice beautiful clothes, I love jewelry so she should wear jewelry, so that I shouldn't be looking at girls outside, as they do attract me alot, and her answer was, sure you may look at them and get attracted to them, but I don't feel beautiful so I don't want to accessories my self. ............ I was totally shocked and stunned and couldn't say anything.

That's sad, but it's not surprising. She doesn't want to have sex with you. She's not attracted to you. She's giving you permission to lust after other women. She will probably give you permission to have sex with other women. As long as you don't bother her for sex.

I don't know if you can draw her attraction, or not. But, you need to run Athol's MAP to try to. And you need to decide if you are willing to divorce her over this issue.

Good luck.

 

[indiecat]

IF you are religious you should arrange an appointment with a priest and he should explain to her that the marriage bed is MEANT for mutual enjoyment. Maybe she needs an 'authority figure' to tell this.

As for her mother and sister, she is not married to them, she's married to you. You as her husband are unhappy and that should very much concern her! No wonder you got turned off! She makes no attempt, and that is not loving.

All aspects of a marriage should be worked on together. She seems a little immature for her age.

Is there divorce in your culture?

 

[needyForHelp]

Is there divorce in your culture?

Well divorce is a HUGE thing in my culture, but its not something IMPOSSIBLE or ILLEGAL. Secondly I don't live in that culture.
But I can't divorce her, because I don't want to lose my daughter. I don't want my daughter to suffer for this. It would just kill me.