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Discussion Starter #1
I have the evidence that my H has been doing the things I suspected he was doing.

Multiple accounts and I'm pretty sure he has an addiction issue with the amount of time he spends on these singles website.

Quite frankly I don't even think he deserves to see our son anymore. He spends more time on these websites than he does with his own son, it's disgusting.

I found his POF account. Checked it (wasn't hard to figure out the password, it's always the same for every account), and he's talking to MY SISTER. WTF. Of course he's under a different identity, and he's also talking to several other women as well.
I am done.

I need some advice on how to confront him. I want a separation. I don't even care that he has no where to go. I always said if it got to the point where I couldn't even stomach him anymore I want to get away from him. It is way past that point. It's like whenever he's in the same room as me I am LIVID. I'm afraid to reveal my sources. I know he will still deny it.
what should I do guys?
I know I've come on here before venting and crap but It wasn't time. I have what i need, this is the breaking point. This is the moment we were all waiting for. I want him GONE. Help me make a logical confrontation please. I have no experience in this stuff.
 

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First of all start the paperwork for divorce. Once it is set in motion, then you confront him. Tell him you are done. There is nothing else you can do.

Also, you do not get to decide if he gets to see his son. The courts will decide that. Sorry you have to go through this. You have every right to be mad. The anger will go away eventually. Can I give you a hug?
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I'm not considering my options of custody or not allowing him to see his son. I just don't feel like he deserves to have that glory.
Obviously he doesn't have his priorites in the right order.
But truthfully, my son deserves to have a father in his life. I just hope he learns to step up and be a GOOD father.
 

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You have every reason to be angry and kick him to the curb and move on with your life. Document everything. Take screenshots of his accounts etc. Let your sister, and every other woman he's in contact with know what and who he is (after taking screen shots of course).

That said. DO NOT use your son as a tool to extract revenge. Not for your H's benefit, but your son's. Your son, regardless of how bad the man is as a husband, needs his father. All too often, the BS uses any tool they can to make the WS feel the pain that the BS feels. Including using children. Your actually going to make your son feel more pain than your STBXH.
 

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You have every reason to be angry and kick him to the curb and move on with your life. Document everything. Take screenshots of his accounts etc. Let your sister, and every other woman he's in contact with know what and who he is (after taking screen shots of course).

That said. DO NOT use your son as a tool to extract revenge. Not for your H's benefit, but your son's. Your son, regardless of how bad the man is as a husband, needs his father. All too often, the BS uses any tool they can to make the WS feel the pain that the BS feels. Including using children. Your actually going to make your son feel more pain than your STBXH.
Exactly what i was going to say. Document everything before you do anything.

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It's not just your husband you have to deal with but your sister too. How sick is that? You need to make sure that she becomes the family outcast. (I'm assuming she knew it was him)
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I promise I'm not going to try to keep his son from him. I'm just so pissed off I feel like he doesn't deserve to see him.
My son on the other hand- I know he deserves a father in his life.
Too bad he couldn't have both of his parents together while growing up.
It's a really bad day for me. My son is six months, rolled out of bed this morning and I'm worried he hurt himself. I want to take him to the doctor to make sure he's safe. My H is at work, online on his stupid accounts. This is the extremity of his addiction. He is online, while I'm at home worried sick to my stomach about my kid.
 

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step 1) see a lawyer, give retainer, have him served
step 2) with lawyer's permission, separate finances and take your half out of shared accounts and into your own new account, cancel any shared credit cards, etc
step 3) pack his things, note that he legally has the right to stay but he may not know this
 

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Sorry about that, But I'll bet you didn't know this side of your sister. (just sayin', I don't want to make trouble)
so what if her sister is on a dating site flirting with what she thinks is a single man? as if that is an immoral thing
 

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Discussion Starter #13
step 1) see a lawyer, give retainer, have him served
step 2) with lawyer's permission, separate finances and take your half out of shared accounts and into your own new account, cancel any shared credit cards, etc
step 3) pack his things, note that he legally has the right to stay but he may not know this
He will have to buy all things for baby. I'm a stay at home mom- going to college & I have no income.
We're 21 years old. The plan was- my father was letting our family stay with him until I get a job and we have enough cash for our own place. My dad doesn't even know this is happening. I don't know how to tell him either. It's so embarrassing.
Actually, my first day of the semester is today. I am having a panic attack with everything going on.
 

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yes I would talk to your dad first. Tell him that YOU will handle this. After you are done exposing then have him removed from the premises. Also no he deserves to have the opportunity to be with his son. Even messed up dads are still dad's. I hope all goes well for you. Make sure you print out everything. All of the ADs, especially the ones with you sister. You need to tell you sister what's going on as well. Just make sure you don't expose until there is a point of no return. Ie he is on the way home and your sister can't call him and tell him what a jerk he is so he can get around having to face what he has done.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I think I'm going to continue gathering evidence as I've only gotten a couple days worth. Then I'll print it out so he can't deny it or delete it.
In the meantime I need to come up with a good method of confrontation. I need to make sure I'm strong enough to go through with this and not cave in to his manipulation. I know he's going to try as hard as he can to stay here.
 

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I think I'm going to continue gathering evidence as I've only gotten a couple days worth. Then I'll print it out so he can't deny it or delete it.
In the meantime I need to come up with a good method of confrontation. I need to make sure I'm strong enough to go through with this and not cave in to his manipulation. I know he's going to try as hard as he can to stay here.
Already told you what the best way to conront this is: with evidence.

Print out the dating ads and what you've found and say "I found this. We are married. Thi sis not ok. I deserve better."

Then listen to him. He will tell you i twas a joke, he never met anyone online, that it wasn't serious, he was just wasting time. He will very likely NOT admit to it being serious (they never do).

But.. you do deserve better. And honey, at 21 yeas old, I'd dump this dud STAT. That is no way to start a marriage. I know. I caught my exH out on dating sites posting ads looking for sex on POF after just one measley year of being married. On Valentine's Day. You shoulda seen his face when I showed him the dating ads. I left him on his bedside and sat there waiting for him to come to me. "It was just a joke, Jelly." Suuure.



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Discussion Starter #19
We've only been married since last August. Not long at all. I'm positive he was doing this the whole relationship.
Printing the crap and leaving it somewhere for him to find it would be a good idea. Maybe that's what I'll do... I can't wait to see his face. All the lies I've been fed. I'm not wasting my time with this loser. He'd be crazy to expect me to stay. He has been lying to me so much. It's funny 'cause he's one of those people who expect the truth out of everyone. He is the definition of a hypocrite. I am running on so much adrenaline right now. So glad I have you guys to support me and help me. I'm not backin down any more.
 

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It seems many of us have not had their coffee this morning or their afternoon tea....

THE SISTER HAS NO IDEA THAT SHE IS FLIRTING WITH HER BROTHER IN LAW!!!! Move on from the hot drama...you read it wrong!

...

Sick,

MELLOW OUT! You are on a long road and if you start freaking out now you are going to give yourself a stroke and too many wrinkles. Wrinkly 20-somethings are not an attractive picture! :)

The first thing you do with no exceptions whatsoever, secure your evidence.

Under the assumption you do want him out of the house, this is going to be a simple procedure if you can KEEP CALM!

After securing your evidence, you bring him to the computer, make it clear you know what he has been doing. Make it VERY clear you know he has been flirting with your sister.

You tell him he has 1/2 hour to get the **** out of your house or you will tell your father how he has been misleading your sister and betraying you. I will bet you that he is out of that house in 15 minutes.

After he is gone, the hard part starts...clearing your head and sorting your feelings. We can help you with that. There are lots of shoulders here and quite a few hugs. So go do what you need to do, FOCUS on your studies and child and start putting one foot in front of the other. It will be okay in the end. I promise.
 
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