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It's more about you and your purpose being the focus of your own life and not the woman. I know guys in special ops who are definitely the classic definition of alpha yet they let women walk all over them. Does it mean their not alpha, of course not. Also keep in mind that from a biological pov alpha just means traits that are attractive to the opposite sex. Yes there are the classic traits like money and power, but then how can a broke artist (painter) or writer still pull women like crazy? It's obviously more than that. Often the most powerful thing a guy can do is not be afraid to lose a woman.
 

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Yea, I knew a guy who was a developer, totally stereotype alpha, dominating, in command
In the boardroom. Intimidating even. Everyone walked eggshells around him.
But there was one person who out-alphed him, could rip him whenever she wanted (and often did)
People were more afraid of her than him; his wife!
 

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It's putting people into boxes and giving them labels. I hate that.
I suspect that most men would be somewhere along the spectrum between the two but I honestly have no idea what it really even means.

I have no idea where my husband falls. He is a typical Aussie, very laid back, easy going, easy to please. I love those things about him. Do those things make him beta? If so then the majority of men in Oz and NZ must also be beta. I don't know.
He also has very strong moral values, integrity and self control. Strong boundaries with the opposite sex. I also love these things about him. Do these things make him alpha? I have no idea.

The most important thing is to marry someone who you love just as they are regardless of what labels they may or may not match.
Be yourself always.
You know, in the animal world, the alpha male is always laid back and calm and patient, but if pushed too far, they will calmly take care of the issue. Case in point:
Minx was a big black manx my sister had. He was the alpha. He was never ever aggressive and was never the cat who was instigating wrestling matches. But his alpha came out with a new kitten. We made the kitten a box to pop in and out of with holes cut on the side. The kitten was, of course, going nuts. Minx laid about a foot from the box. Soon the kitten was totally tormenting Minx, and Minx just lazily blinked his eyes and ignored it until it had gone on long enough of the kitten was right up in his face rearing up all claws like a bear, at which point, Minx calmly put his big paw right down on the top of the kitten and held it for a few seconds while it squirmed. That's how an alpha cat is.

I do think everyone is on track that this is on a spectrum, like every other personality trait. Not always easy to find the right combination, but you'll sure know when you found the wrong one. My beta mistake was a guy who couldn't face it that he was gay (we never did have sex because I knew on our first date and then just became friends, but he still acted like I was his girlfriend -- convenient for him so he didn't have to face facts.)

He was one big shoulder shrug and he wouldn't ever stand up to his retail boss, who would change his schedule last minute and ruin occasions for him. I had had that same job for some years, so I KNEW she was just yanking him around because I never had to do that to people. If someone couldn't come in, I covered. Anyway, it was apparent that if he got a $1,000 invoice from the phone company, he'd pay it before he'd ever call them and straighten it out. Can't imagine being with someone like that where you have double the problems because you're with them and have to handle ALL those by yourself.

I think nearly all women want men to mostly be (not using the "alpha" word) very confident and unhesitant in bed and not mincing around. That still doesn't mean some women won't "take over" if the planets align, which most men like. But in day-to-day, I don't know any woman who doesn't want a man who will be proactive about handling their share of the problems, heading problems off at the pass, and doing simple maintenance without dragging their feet and being intimidated by it or simply waiting to see if they wait long enough, the woman will do it. Not one. Nope. No woman likes that.

In today's world where a huge percentage of women work and/or also have kids, the man needs to not have to be told something needs done. They need to see the trash full and snatch it up and take it out while the woman is busy cooking or packing his lunch. It's called respect. Instead, so many want sex in trade for anything they do, and that is called treating your woman like a prostitute. That is not alpha. That just puts you high on the spectrum of manipulative.
 

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For me a man who goes hunting is anything but alpha.
How do you not see that statement makes zero sense? You are of course entitled to your opinion, but hunting is probably one of the few things that is both "alpha" and "beta". You are engaging in a very alpha activity while providing food for your family which would be considered beta.
 

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We (men) are all told to be more alpha at some point on TAM... like a miracle cure.
Being "alpha" fixes nothing. It's an artificial construct & sets up a destructive zero sum dynamic where one person has to lose or be less than so the other can "win."

Instead develop your own self esteem. Know your worth so that you can assert yourself when necessary but be conciliatory & cooperative without losing a piece of your soul for the good of the whole.
 

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Think it's more about what you desire than who you are.

I know with my wife I behave in certain ways I might not behave with other women, if I were involved with them. Because I know that's what she likes and responds to. I have a strong primal desire to keep our marriage going, to keep her sexually attracted to me. To not have to come on here and make a thread wondering why she stopped wanting to have sex with me.

Since my desire for that is so strong I naturally become what I need to be to get it. It's not fake. That's generally how people are. If you find yourself unable to keep up with being an alpha all that really tells you is you're not particularly motivated to get what being an alpha gives you.
 

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Alpha only at work, and quickly transform to beta once they are in their car on the way home at night!

Good observation. these are known as social alphas. These tend to be your white knights and a term I'm not sure is used anymore - henpecked. Let's go w/ puzzy whipped. Men who have been thoroughly socially conditioned concerning female nature. Alpha men - ex-athletes, ex-military in many cases with a BluePill worldview. Numerous babyboomer men are this way.
 

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And, if the wife prefers an Alpha to who we are, wouldn't she go find the real deal rather than accepting an acting one?
Not if she's a pragmatist. She figured out that "alpha" doesn't earn much money, doesn't fix the car, doesn't remodel the house. Alpha is "fun", "Beta" is USEFUL. Never mind that he feels like a pack mule.....
 

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Good observation. these are known as social alphas. These tend to be your white knights and a term I'm not sure is used anymore - henpecked. Let's go w/ puzzy whipped. Men who have been thoroughly socially conditioned concerning female nature. Alpha men - ex-athletes, ex-military in many cases with a BluePill worldview. Numerous babyboomer men are this way.
actually, i was alluding to bright young WOMEN managers, who have to mix it up with the big boys. Some put on an Alpha display at work, and appear to be tough as nails. Then go home and want to be tied up in bondage in the bedroom.
 

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Yea, I knew a guy who was a developer, totally stereotype alpha, dominating, in command
In the boardroom. Intimidating even. Everyone walked eggshells around him.
But there was one person who out-alphed him, could rip him whenever she wanted (and often did)
People were more afraid of her than him; his wife!
imagine how their bedroom play unfolded!
 

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They need to see the trash full and snatch it up and take it out while the woman is busy cooking or packing his lunch. It's called respect.
At lunch my wife asked me what’s for dinner and I said tonight chicken soup with such and so, and then tomorrow this dish she really likes; but I’m not trading days for the dish order because I want to open a bottle of wine to cook with on Friday and I might sneak a glass.

She seemed pleased with this plan and then when I was grabbing her ass after lunch she told me she took Tylenol to try and get rid of her headache.

I think I’m scoring tonight.

Thing is, this is my plan. I’m eating what I want in the order I want but I take her preferences into consideration in my planning. She doesn’t have to think about it or worry that there won’t be lunch or dinner or anything because I just take care of it. Just like she does with laundry. I don’t have to worry I won’t have a clean shirt or whatever because she just does it and I say thank you.
 

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Another thread I didn't want to hijack prompted this.
It's a question......

The other thread implies that a husband should "play alpha" or "become alpha" for his marriage's sake.

I found it quite easy to "play alpha" in my stage and platform days. I could even continue the persona for a couple of hours following the presentation.
However, it was exhausting. I was so ready for "the end" to scroll up from the bottom of the screen. I wanted nothing more than to retreat into my beta cocoon.

What do you think ?
Can it be done in a day-after-day scenario ?
What will be the result ?
Is a "greater good" available ?
Is the lie somehow sanctified by the motive ?
Is the Shakespearian quote far enough out of context as to not apply ?
I don't know too much about alpha and beta, but yes, always be yourself. You never want to be someone else, and plus, that person is already taken. I will ask two questions about any relationship and can get a good feel of the dynamic based off it, they are:

1. Did your wife ride with you when you met her, or did you ride with her? I know my wife through everything away and showed up at my front door step when I asked her to. She is and always will be riding with me. I'm the driver, she's the passenger; we both like it that way.
2. Does your wife EVER talk down to you, or treat you with any type of disrespect, and if so, what do you do about it? Respect is big for me, not only with my wife, but everyone I associate with. I won't tolerate even the smallest hint of disrespect.
 

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Are you kidding ? She never talks any other way.
You insist you're a Beta Boy. Fine. If that's the role you play, so be it. But disrespect does not mean you have to tolerate it. It's one thing to consider yourself "beta" but it's another matter to allow someone to talk to you disrespectfully. You can assert yourself and tell her to cut the crap. Frankly, you don't sound beta to me, you just sound like a doormat. JMO
 
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Maybe he likes being disrespected by his wife. Some guys do, nothing wrong with that. If that's your thing.

My step sister is a disability bum who's approaching 30. Meaning she could work but chooses not to. I've tried several times to coax her off that path but she refuses.

So as much as my "real self" would like to be kind and generous to her instead I dumped her off everything she has to contact me a few days ago. Because I'm just not interested in experiencing the hassle and irritation that someone who chooses to live that lifestyle brings to my life. It's amazing how fast your "real self" behavior will naturally change when you really don't like something.
 
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