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Another thread I didn't want to hijack prompted this.
It's a question......

The other thread implies that a husband should "play alpha" or "become alpha" for his marriage's sake.

I found it quite easy to "play alpha" in my stage and platform days. I could even continue the persona for a couple of hours following the presentation.
However, it was exhausting. I was so ready for "the end" to scroll up from the bottom of the screen. I wanted nothing more than to retreat into my beta cocoon.

What do you think ?
Can it be done in a day-after-day scenario ?
What will be the result ?
Is a "greater good" available ?
Is the lie somehow sanctified by the motive ?
Is the Shakespearian quote far enough out of context as to not apply ?
 

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there is the concept of being a SWITCH.

i.e. some days when you feel like it, you are the Alpha.
other days when you do not feel it, you play the submissive role and let her dominate.

i hear a lot of people who have employment positions of power (like a manager) often are totally submissive in the confines of their bedroom. Having to be an Alpha all day long at work drains them to the point that they PREFER a submissive role in sex at home.
 

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Since my marriage collapsed for not being alpha enough, and then too alpha, reverting to alpha-beta at the end, I can only say I found all phases really exhausting. I'm totally beta right now and happy with it. This is what I am. To me, being alpha is not sustainable. I don't care about the "greater good".
 

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I'd note that the Shakespeare character who spoke that line was portrayed as being a pontificating windbag. Nonetheless, there might be something in it.

But I'd need to understand more deeply what is meant by "alpha" and "beta". These terms get thrown about rather loosely. Some digging might be useful. There may be some different axes on this graph.
 

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Another thread I didn't want to hijack prompted this.
It's a question......

The other thread implies that a husband should "play alpha" or "become alpha" for his marriage's sake.

I found it quite easy to "play alpha" in my stage and platform days. I could even continue the persona for a couple of hours following the presentation.
However, it was exhausting. I was so ready for "the end" to scroll up from the bottom of the screen. I wanted nothing more than to retreat into my beta cocoon.

What do you think ?
Can it be done in a day-after-day scenario ?
What will be the result ?
Is a "greater good" available ?
Is the lie somehow sanctified by the motive ?
Is the Shakespearian quote far enough out of context as to not apply ?
Despite all the self-help books and web pages about he alpha/beta stuff, I personally think it unreasonable to pretend to be who we aren't. Recall coming home from a business conference where we studied psychological techniques for interviewing and interacting with employees. Tried some of techniques conversing with the wife. Her immediate response was "what in h3ll are you up to?" It is still a joke between us after three decades.

And how can an adult change their innate personality to become an "Alpha" if their upbringing and life experiences from birth have developed them into a non-alpha?

Bottom line, if we aren't an Alpha naturally, it is hard to imagine how pretending to be one is going to accomplish anything. And, if the wife prefers an Alpha to who we are, wouldn't she go find the real deal rather than accepting an acting one?
 

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And, if the wife prefers an Alpha to who we are, wouldn't she go find the real deal rather than accepting an acting one?
Probably why there is a lot of cheating going on. When someone thinks they can be happy with one type of person then realize they can't.

You cannot be what you aren't. You can pretend but that is all it is, pretend. There is a place for both kinds of people.
 

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One should always be who they are. If you're beta then find a woman who's ok with that.

I think that sometimes men confuse alpha with adult. I know that I don't care if my guy's an alpha, but I do need him to be an adult man who handles his fair share of the business. I'm not your mother.

I don't know that I'd classify my bf as an alpha, but he's not a pushover and takes care of things that need taken care of. That's enough for me.

So does beta mean you're not a functional adult? I wouldn't think so.
 

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I think most men are a combo of alpha and beta. They're alpha when they want to be and beta when they want to be - which is what most women prefer, IMO. The trick is for the woman to find the man who is alpha when it counts for her and beta when it counts for her. Also known as compatibility.
 

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Those labels tend to make things worse. A good partner should be reliable & decisive. Don't leave every decision to your spouse. Give input even about things like dinner. It can be exhausting to always have to be the one who plans the meals. Take an active roll in the household. Do the laundry & the dishes to the division of labor doesn't all fall on one person.
 

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It's putting people into boxes and giving them labels. I hate that.
I suspect that most men would be somewhere along the spectrum between the two but I honestly have no idea what it really even means.

I have no idea where my husband falls. He is a typical Aussie, very laid back, easy going, easy to please. I love those things about him. Do those things make him beta? If so then the majority of men in Oz and NZ must also be beta. I don't know.
He also has very strong moral values, integrity and self control. Strong boundaries with the opposite sex. I also love these things about him. Do these things make him alpha? I have no idea.

The most important thing is to marry someone who you love just as they are regardless of what labels they may or may not match.
Be yourself always.
 

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“To thine own self be true.”

@TJW seriously, I have to say that you seem to have one of the worst marriages in the history of marriages. One of your posts the other day made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to cry for you and shake you at the same time for continuing to put up with this. The way your wife treats you is deplorable!

I’d quit worrying about being an alpha or beta and I’d walk my ass out the door and never come back.

‘To thine own self be true??’

If you believed that, you would save yourself already! Do you think God would want you to be stuck in your sickening marriage for the rest of whatever years you have left? If the answer is yes, then God really isn’t as loving or forgiving as I’ve been led to believe.

Boo, get out! Open the door and walk away! Be true to yourself and leave! I think I’ve read where you’re up in age. This is how you insist on spending what years you have left?! With a nagging, unappreciative spouse that makes your life an absolute misery?! Blaming yourself for not being ‘alpha’ enough instead of using that energy to change your life?

Get out of there already! 😫

If this was the wrong thread to say that, I apologize. So more on topic, I’d have to say that self respect trumps labels any day of the week. Get some. Forget the labels! Forget blaming yourself. Just LEAVE. Open the door and walk away!

To thine own self be true!
 

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It's putting people into boxes and giving them labels. I hate that.
I suspect that most men would be somewhere along the spectrum between the two but I honestly have no idea what it really even means.

I have no idea where my husband falls. He is a typical Aussie, very laid back, easy going, easy to please. I love those things about him. Do those things make him beta? If so then the majority of men in Oz and NZ must also be beta. I don't know.
He also has very strong moral values, integrity and self control. Strong boundaries with the opposite sex. I also love these things about him. Do these things make him alpha? I have no idea.

The most important thing is to marry someone who you love just as they are regardless of what labels they may or may not match.
Be yourself always.
All the Aussies I have met were confident decisive men. And the ones on TV are too, i mean playing with deadly snakes and wrestling salties is about as "Alpha" as could imagine lol
 

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Bottom line, if we aren't an Alpha naturally, it is hard to imagine how pretending to be one is going to accomplish anything. And, if the wife prefers an Alpha to who we are, wouldn't she go find the real deal rather than accepting an acting one?
i do not know if that is true. there are plenty of introverts who, thru training and shear force of will, can excel in a management position, for instance. Happens all the time.

those people, especially, are Alpha only at work, and quickly transform to beta once they are in their car on the way home at night! they have only so much Alpha "juice" to expend each day, and by day's end it is all used up
 

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Those labels tend to make things worse. A good partner should be reliable & decisive. Don't leave every decision to your spouse. Give input even about things like dinner. It can be exhausting to always have to be the one who plans the meals. Take an active roll in the household. Do the laundry & the dishes to the division of labor doesn't all fall on one person.
i am not so sure.
the one thing every marriage needs is GOOD communications. And books like "The Five Love Languages" point out we are pretty lousy at figuring out what our spouse is trying to say.

So having a label to hang on your spouse, even if it is grossly simplistic, could actually be VERY beneficial!
 

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Can’t any guy become more alpha every day by just enjoying the privilege of being a man? I mean, go hunting, go work on a car, lift some heavy weights, hike the wilderness, get into combat sports.... every manly skill you acquire makes you a little more manly and “alpha”.... isn’t that right?

I mean, if you had the karate skills of Chuck Norris would you really let people walk all over you? probably not!

Likewise, if you were training and ripped like Chris Hemsworth I seriously doubt people would think of you (or that you’d think of yourself) as “beta”. You’d probably feel pretty dang “alpha” having ladies begging for your attention- 😆

We all can’t be Norris or Hemsworth but we can still have and enjoy our own manly (aka alpha) stuff to do. Granted, you may not be able to change your wife’s opinion of you- sadly.
 

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All the Aussies I have met were confident decisive men. And the ones on TV are too, i mean playing with deadly snakes and wrestling salties is about as "Alpha" as could imagine lol
They are largely laid back and easy going. They are known for it.
 

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Can’t any guy become more alpha every day by just enjoying the privilege of being a man? I mean, go hunting, go work on a car, lift some heavy weights, hike the wilderness, get into combat sports.... every manly skill you acquire makes you a little more manly and “alpha”.... isn’t that right?

I mean, if you had the karate skills of Chuck Norris would you really let people walk all over you? probably not!

Likewise, if you were training and ripped like Chris Hemsworth I seriously doubt people would think of you (or that you’d think of yourself) as “beta”. You’d probably feel pretty dang “alpha” having ladies begging for your attention- 😆

We all can’t be Norris or Hemsworth but we can still have and enjoy our own manly (aka alpha) stuff to do. Granted, you may not be able to change your wife’s opinion of you- sadly.
For me a man who goes hunting is anything but alpha.
 
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