Every day I am thinking of divorce, planning and figuring how to make it work. Reworking the numbers, thinking about logistics. I would not be here but for the child we have. My hesitation is only because of her. I do not want her world to crash, and her to suffer. My husband and I were happily together for five years before having our daughter and then getting married shortly after. Ever since having our daughter things have changed for me, mainly because I needed more from him. He is seriously unmotivated and undependable, for reasons I feel tie back to his family of origin and experiences growing up. It didn't bother me until I needed him to work together with me as a co-parent and that's when everything started coming apart. We did one year of marriage counseling, without much progress. He will admit he is very passive aggressive. He puts blame everywhere but on himself. He does not like conflict, does not want to discuss anything. I am the opposite, wanting to hash things out and figure out what to do. I still love him, and he loves me, but I don't want this for myself. I don't want it for him either really. Our daughter is now four, we've had more than four years of near constant conflict and disagreement, sarcasm, put-downs, etc. Plenty of nagging and sarcasm on my part as well. I am trying to change that, but finding it really challenging. The best in me is hard to find lately. Luckily he's gone most of the time so it's only really bad on his two days off, and even that isn't loud or physical. I sometimes wonder if I should try to remain for our daughter sake, if I'm being selfish wanting to leave. We have sex a few times a year--more than I'd like since I feel no closeness with him, it almost feels violating to have sex with him. In the past I forced myself for him and for our marriage, but I'm getting more to the point of not caring about the marriage. That is the only thing he will admit to being wrong with our relationship (the lack of sex). Otherwise he says that if I would just be happy and change my attitude then we would be fine. He tells me it is all in my head. I told him three years or so ago that he had "five years and if things were still this way then I would leave". I don't want to hang it over his head or bring up divorce unless I'm ready to do it. I wish I could have a serious conversation about where I'm at with this, but that doesn't work with us. He would withdraw and be angry and sullen, and no ground will be made except that he would feel further isolated. I am thinking about biding my time to save a little more and maybe try to wait until my daughter is in school so that I could work more to support us. It breaks my heart to think about some of the consequences of a divorce on her, and on me and also my parents (involved grandparents). But I'm just so done. I welcome any thoughts, opinions, feedback, suggestions, anything really. I don't have much of an outlet for these thoughts that are my constant companion.