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Discussion Starter #1
please read my previous posts, my wife has left into the arms of another man or woman, cant bear do see my house i built, my 2,5 and 7 years olds being raised by someone else, the love i devoted to them, my wife who doesn't care, has completely abandoned me to live like a teenager she 39 turning 40 , going into mediation for divorce, cant do it think it might be time to depart from this life, too much pain to handle.
 

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1-800-273-8255
It's the National Suicide Lifeline. Call it.

You will be doing grave harm to your children if you kill yourself. They need you. Fight for them and fight to be as much of a part of their lives as you can. Fight for it in mediation, then follow through by being the best dad you can.

Your children did not leave you for someone else. Don't push them away. Don't leave them. They are not their mother. They don't deserve this.

It will get better. You won't always feel this bad. You have to believe that. Please call this number for help.

Keep reaching out here, and keep fighting for life. It will be worth it. I think you want to or you wouldn't have reached out now. Think of what you will miss if you aren't here to see your children. Be here for all of it. ((hugs)) to you.
 

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That's a terrible thing to say man... Believe me I feel your pain, my 3 and 1 year old are with their mother and her affair parter that she moved into her new rent house a week after true dating. He's a scum bag who just got out of rehab/jail with no car, license, and no job who lived with his parents. I own my house, car, have a great job and while i was not perfect I never cheated or put my hands on her... I was with my wife for 8 years and she left 10 days after talking about having another child and ***celebrating*** our 8th anniversary, all for him and also that fast. I have had stupid thoughts too man, but know this it gets better. I'm only 4 months out 2 months since I filed, I'm still in love with her, but I'm on a path to self re-building. The one thing that stopped me from doing something to the OM (which would have ended my life... Prison) were my children, and you should use yours as your strength. It hurts to just get cast aside for another person or a "stranger" with or without warning in sight, but it's a reality and people in our shoes deal with it everyday. Like I said I'm 4 months out, I have trouble everyday, but now I can honestly say that I have good days again. It will get better, just takes time.
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You posted this just days ago.

Thank you DC I have turned to God for support. Im still here and hanging on, I saw her tonight for the kids and I took a good look and thought why am I making myself sick over this woman, she has more issues than sports illustrated( terrible childhood ,weight issues, self esteem) and she needs help (never gets it) and im suffering because of this. Its not right. Am i going to die over her,
Get some help. Don't do what you're contemplating to your kids.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Man I wish I could feel that, to me it's all or nothing . I dont see any future, my kids better off without me around. It breaks my heart to see their little faces and the desperation in their hearts, the unconditional love i gave them. Too me its not worth it to see them suffer lose their home, their daddy used to be at home everynight now im with nothing, how can u say it gets better
 

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I've been there man! Over the past 20 years I have attempted a few times, but backed out just in time. It doesn't feel like it now, but it WILL get better. Regardless where you children live, with you or not, they still need their dad. You need to stay around to make sure the other guy doen't mistreat them. If you don't live for yourself, at least live for them.
 

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But it's not all or nothing. Life just isn't that way. Think about your entire life -- it's mostly grey, not black or white. You may not be able to be there every moment that you would have been if their mom hadn't left, but you can still be there to teach them, be with them, and most importantly, to love them.

I will guarantee you that if you do what you want, at some time in the future, they will wonder what's wrong with them - why didn't Daddy fight for me? Why wasn't I worth it?

Many of us here are in similar situations. That's how we can say it. I wasn't even one night away from my son until he was 4 when I had a trip for work, and then not again until he was 7 when he had his first sleepover. Otherwise, I was with him every night. His dad left me. I didn't give in to that changing my position as 'mom' any more than I absolutely had to. I see him nearly every day, even if just for a few minutes after school. I call him to say good night when he's not with me. I refuse to let his dad's decision about our marriage affect the fact that I am my child's parent.

And do you know what? Despite that upheaval, our relationship is actually better now than it was when we all lived together. He saw the pain I was in with his dad. He also saw the pain when I moved away from home and set up my own place. How much I hurt when his dad started dating right away. But my son knows I will not leave him.

It does make a difference to our children whether we are there or not. Now that your children are here, they are your responsibility -- you are their dad. Think about how much their hearts will break if they could NEVER see you again -- not just if they can't see you each night.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
why live for them, im useless, I still love their mother and want the family back together, we were perfect freaken family and now nothing just the hangmans noose is left for me cant see the future at all. dont want to but only solution, come on does it really get better, dont believe it.
 

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Yes, yes, yes!!! It really gets better! I am proof. We were married for 10 years, dated for 4 before that. We weren't perfect, but I always believed we loved each other deep down. When he broke us apart, I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me. I felt I had given my entire being to my marriage and family, and I had failed. Otherwise, why would he leave? Wouldn't I be enough?

You cannot take responsibility for her choices. They are on her. But what you do is your responsibility. You love your family. You will have a different family, but it is still a family -- you and your children. They will not understand how you could love them, and leave them. What if this man is horrible to them -- wouldn't you want to stop it? Of course! But, you can't if you're not here!!
 

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You need to take a hard look at this. Do you love your children? I believe you do. They are young and they are depending on you. When they look sad, hold them and tell them you love them. Do things to make them smile. Do things to show them you love them. Do things with them that will make their life better -- spend time with them. Hold their hands, draw with them, play in the park. Make memories for you and them.
 

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It's a constant struggle. I feel despair often enough to have to reach out to people on a weekly basis. But it does ease up. I would probably go to MC to work it out, but she's so cold and heartless to me, told me that she was never happy with me just to destroy me to the core, I'm not a religious man, but I do believe we all posses an inner strength that will reveal itself when it's needed most, if you do have a faith, I suggest you pray for the that strength to come out, if not, you really need to analyze what you're saying here. Leaving your children fatherless will only make their lives harder and perhaps they may think it was their fault. You don't want them to end up messed up because you "thought" they'd be better off? In reality you would only be hurting them much more than the divorce itself and that would also hurt would be much deeper.
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You don't want them to end up messed up because you "thought" they'd be better off? In reality you would only be hurting them much more than the divorce itself and that would also hurt would be much deeper.
There is no going back on a decision like this. As long as you are here, you always have a do-over. You can always try again; have another chance.
 

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please read my previous posts, my wife has left into the arms of another man or woman, cant bear do see my house i built, my 2,5 and 7 years olds being raised by someone else, the love i devoted to them, my wife who doesn't care, has completely abandoned me to live like a teenager she 39 turning 40 , going into mediation for divorce, cant do it think it might be time to depart from this life, too much pain to handle.
 

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I came close to eating a bullet a few months back when I found out my wife was cheating on me for the second time. But what kept me going was hate. I wanted to see her suffer.

Now she is suffering from hwr choices, and it has not been nice to watch. But I have slowly moved on and I am healing. You will too.

Your life has value....even if you had never had children or met that vampire of a wife of yours. Don't let her evil mentality and selfishness dictate your future or your life. Spend every waking hour fighting for your children and your rights as a father. Make that your mission. Don't lay down and take her crap!

One day she will rue what she did. You WILL come out on top bcc.
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Hey man, I don't know the solution, I too live with the constant thought of not really wanting to live on the backburner in my mind too, it is very incessant, for a long time after my separation I really did feel like things were getting better, I had coped with the loss of my ex - I am a year and a half out, and life is stagnant right now, and despite the intuition that has never failed me and that I have grown to trust, screaming at me silently that there is no purpose for me, I am pushing to fight through it and flip those thoughts, flip what my instinct is telling me about my self-worth, because there is a part of me that still has hope in this world that it will not be a complete waste.

One thing I am coming to accept, the thing that has always disturbed me about people saying "you owe your children a mentally healthy father who doesn't take the cowardly way out" is that is just a fear tactic, as mean as this sounds, I don't want to live purely to provide for my son, I want to live for me. And one thing I have resolved in my mind, based from a comment I read on this site last year (by whom I can not remember) is that before I even come close to offing myself I would make a genuine effort to go for broke - if you are constantly thinking of quietly oozing down the drain of the deceased why not instead do something crazy and spectacular that you think is good and someone should do in this world? one thing about getting your mind to a point of having nothing to lose is that you become free to try something full of all kinds of risk that would have held you back before. I don't know what that is for you, but maybe you go backpacking across south america, climb a building and yell something to the world, I don't know just do something other than closing your eyes forever.

And if you can't bring yourself to that point realize that what is holding you back is that you do in fact have something to lose, so recognize that and make a proactive choice, take ownership of that choice so that you can start making your life what you want to. Your marriage may be dead, so what? The damage to your family has been done, and you are not the one to take all the blame, you get less than half the blame - so no longer dwell on it because you can't change it all you can change is your attitude, and when you begin getting the right attitude (which is what I am trying to work on in myself) good things will come into your life again, fatherhood becomes sweeter, days become brighter and life becomes more peaceful.

I don't really want to preach advise, I just want you to know as unique as your feelings are to you, you are not completely alone in them. I sense your pain, If you need to say anything I check my inbox here all the time, PM me anytime you need someone to listen.
 
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