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i wrote several months ago that i felt that my husband's been lying. well, i finally confirmed what the lies were about.

my 51 year old husband had an affair of one year with his 22 year old student. i spoke with the girl and she said whenever i was out of town for work, she would sneak in when the kids were asleep and they would do it on our bed beside them.

sometimes, my husband would bring the kids to see her at a restaurant or play area. the kids told me she was at our house, cooking food with my husband and his arms were around her shoulder. my kids are 6 and 4 years old.

at the start, the information did not sink in, so i was able to act kindly towards both my husband and the girl - to see how things can be constructive. i was also relieved in the sense that in the past year, he's been telling my how malicious and paranoid i was whenever i confronted him to ask if he was hiding something from me - and now at least i know what i felt was valid and i'm not crazy.

the girl said she'll leave our family alone but after a week she was writing on facebook how lonely she was, flaunting her mourning for her "loss". So, i wrote them an angry letter saying a lot of things, including that they were practically raping our kids.

he has not shown remorse for the past two months since i found out. he's living with his aunt now. i heard from his relatives that he's been saying bad things about me. he has never blamed himself fully - he waters things down saying it was due to human clumsiness. he even blamed the devil.

during the past two years, i've been the breadwinner. my job contract ended and i'm living off the little savings i had while looking for new work. he has not helped out with the expenses, even just for the kids. he's so pathetic, disgusting and evil.

is there any way to heal from this? people say i've been handling the situation well, and with composure. but i have so much anger, i've been having violent dreams recently. i also want to know what sort of damage may the exposure have caused our kids and how do i help them be okay?
 

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Im really sorry about all you have been through. Its hard enough hearing about an affair but to have your kids involved with it- is even harder.

Having an affair is one thing, introducing the kids to the OW and causing them to keep that secret is damaging and quite another thing. On top of it, I cant imagine how you felt when you found out they were with eachother sexually in front of the children... thats disgusting (y didnt they go into another room???!!!)

Im no expert on this, but I would say all these secrets the children had to keep (ie the knowledge of the other woman) would be quite damaging and may even cause them at that age to feel responsible. If they were my kids, I would be taking the older one to a child counsellor- to ensure they are coping with it all. Dont suggest to much to them (put ideas in their head) but try and keep an open and supportive relationship with them, remind them that none of this is their fault. A counsellor will be able to give you more specific advice about how to approach the situation... so I would seek that type of counsel.
 

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Get a lawyer right away if you didn't get one already. I'm confused about you saying you were the breadwinner, yet he was carrying on an affair with his student. Not understanding that part but at any rate, you should be receiving some kind of support if he has income. Get a lawyer on it right away.

There a books to help you deal with divorce and with infidelity. It is normal to be and totally overwhelmed by all the emotions, but you should take steps to try to begin to feel better and regain your strength and resolve. Google to see what you can find.

Hope you feel better very soon.
 
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