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Is this marriage worth saving?

  • Yes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Probably not

    Votes: 4 80.0%
  • Be completely open and see where it goes

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Definately needs work and...MAYBE it can be saved

    Votes: 1 20.0%
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello my name is Gabrielle.
I promise to try to keep this short,but looking for a little insight outside of my own trapped mind & my familys oppinions.

Im 21 y/o female civilian. Married a 29 y/o military male

Before we got married I was cheated on by his ex and others. Even tho he had mutliple other individuals he brought me home to his mother. Only after 2 weeks of knowing him. 1 month passes by and at dinner she announces to us that shes so happy he actually has brought someone over that she actually likes. Also has already told the family about me. I also had a house key and stayed over almost every night of the week. Also when while dating he would get very mad if I went to see my family. He did not believe me and constantly accused me. So I had no idea this was all going on. Until I did a little digging on facebook after I found a hairband that was not mine. Also when he couldnt remember things ive said or started confusing me with others. We split and he moved a girl in. After awhile he said he really wanted to make things work. I refused to have any contact with him as he still had a female living with him who was also married and had kids.

Later he moves her out and we began talking. He's sweeter than ever and things really take off better than they started . He deleted his dating accounts with out me asking . We started going on short vacations on the weekend. More affection & took me to flordia to visit his grandmother. Well he got orders out of the country and he got a ring and asked me to marry him. I was very quick to say yes. Weeks later we married.

My parents were not happy. Considering I barely would go visit beacause of all the kios the first time we dated. Even tho we lived less than 15 mins away. Yet we would visit his parents who live 50 mins away 2 times a week.

Fast forward I moved home and knew I could not go on this trip out the country for a duration of 1 year.
So I moved back home and my mother was happy. Until my husband said they had no room for him and he would be staying off the base and he would like me to join him. I agreed to come...quit my job and move in with him. Ive always had a job since I was 15 and loved working. He agrees to take care of me and prepare me for the seasons here.

Upon arriving here for 1 and 1/2 months he was very weird.
He did not want me sitting next to him
He complained about how I drank my water
Complained the sheets were not 6 inches from the top
We did not have "Adult time"
I had to beg to get a kiss and even then it was quick kisses
I could not use his bathroom
I found pictures from a skype friend who I know of her from our town where she sent him naked photos and saved them to his ohone he got here in this country so I know it was recent but was one month after we were married when he first got here

Fast forward two months
He had not preapred me for the season and its getting cold
He does not share his bank account
He does not share finance's with me
We havent actual done anything together dinners no nothing
We have been intimante but only once a week
I do not have to beg for kisses
He constantly is shorting me on cash to get things for the house he expects that I can get groceries cleaning supplies washing supplies all for 150 a week. Which is not enough when 60 dollars of it is spent on energy drinks and snacks for him. At a request of energy drinks,soda,Gatorade etc. Which he says 150 is for groceries and for me...theres nothing ever left after I get things for the house.

Yet even tho he barks and shorts me on cash. He does always want my time when he is home. He never told me I made him happy or smile until recently. He says things I find rude but often apologizes and says thats not the way he was intending.

We do make each other happy...but I feel he does not open up his life to me. I also have found his ex trying to message him and he does not reply and also a lot of girls from the past. He ignores. Yet he is constantly on this fake dating site anastasia dating site. He does not message but save chicks pictures. Which is really bother some.
Even tho I know its a fake site..and he does not have a paid membership.

I also had dreams of going into the military before I met him. After getting married I decided it was not for me but did not mention it. He told me recently he does not want to have kids until I am in the military. Which kinda hurt my feelings as he said he wants to focus on that and we will never have enough money until I am in the miliatary. Which is not true on his income alone we make good and I could finish schooling and make a decent salary also .

Later I told him I had no plans and he seemed to get very mad/aggervated at this. When I mentioned school he just kinda seemed off set with my decision. I also told him I would be going home to visit before we actually return on my parents expense. ( After many times of asking him his opinion on me going home and him never giving his thoughts or opinions . As my mother said if he did not want me to she would fly here) . So I made the decision to go home so I can see not just my mother.

My mother wants me to come home. I have only been married 6 months. Im not sure I want to give up on my marriage but Im not sure its worth saving . Yet I dont wanna waste time on somthing that may never change.

My mom really wants me home and has offered to let me move home.Which I would pay nothing ( Even at her request or statement I definately would help in some way) She has paid off my Student Debt & Said she would buy my a vehicle straight out(so I would not have a payment.) ( This being essential as I had a nice 2012 jeep but my husband persuaded me into letting it go since he did not want the payments and he already had an outside of his vehicle I no longer have one)

Any suggestions on things I should try to save my marriage.
Does it seem like its worth saving..?
Any good advice to make a healthy marriage?

4,793 Posts
Your mother is willing to let you come home and to help you get back on your feet. If I were you, I'd take her up on that.
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