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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Ok I will start from the top. My husband was acting very suspicious a few months ago. We have been married for 12 years and have 4 boys. I know him well so I could tell when he started to be more secretive with his phone and how he would leave the room when he got a call. I asked him if everything was ok and he said that it was. Sex has always been good and our children are happy. I knew that something didn't feel right so I started to snoop.

I used to sneak and check the internet history on his phone and ipad and it was always deleted. I also noticed that the call history on his phone was always deleted. I confronted him about it and he said that he deletes it because it makes his phone slow. I asked a few friends who know about computers and they told me that this shouldn't affect the speed of his phone. I tried to get information by hooking his phone to the computer but honestly, I didn't know what I was looking for.

Finally, I went online and got a copy of our phone bill. I found a number that he called and texted many times per day. The phone calls were brief but there were literally hundreds of texts between them. I did a reverse lookup on white pages but the number didn't pull up anything. A friend suggested that I search the number on google to possibly find a facebook page. When I searched on google, the first link was for a backpage.com ad.

It led me to a page for an escort. The woman was beautiful. I mean drop dead gorgeous. It hurt me because I knew I could never compete with that. It was obvious that this was the person that he has been texting because the number was on her page multiple times. The page basically said that is available as an escort and it talks about other things such as her measurements and other stuff that I thought didn't matter to me.

I broke down and confronted my husband. I really didn't want to lose him but I told him I knew he cheated on me and I wanted him out of the house. He didn't admit it until I slowly showed my hand and told him what she looked like. He finally admitted everything and said that he did cheat. His story kept changing and it just didn't feel right so I still wanted him to leave. He admitted to me that the escort was his best friends idea and they actually had a 3 way. He said that he was curious about the 3 way and that he was scared to tell me because I denied him the opportunity to have a 3 way with me a few years back when he asked.

On one hand, I was hurt. On the other, I was glad that he came clean. I told him that I felt insecure about how beautiful she was and that I would have had the 3 way if it would have kept him from not cheating. We decided to stay together and work on the marriage. One of the stipulations is that he never erase his phone history or call log. He still talks to his best friend who is also married but we agreed that we will work on our own problems and not drag his wife into this.

This past week at work, I was talking to a girlfriend about everything. I told her how beautiful the other girl was and how it made me insecure. She asked me to look at the page so I showed it to her. She was immediately able to pick up on several hints in the ad; hints that I overlooked. There were things like "fully functional" and "pre-surgery" that meant nothing to me. She told me that these are terms that tranvestites use. I didn't believe her and we went back and forth on it.

I couldn't get over it so we got her brother to call the number. He pretended to want to use her as an escort and he also asked her very specific things about her anatomy. She said that she is an transvestite and has had 2 major operations. She claimed to be disease free and that her penis was still functional.

Now I totally lost it. This basically means that my husband and his best friend knowingly slept with a tranny. Now I have to wonder what other sick stuff he has been doing behind my back. I tried to tell myself that maybe he didn't notice and thought it was a woman but everyone is telling me that isn't possible and even a blind man could tell that it was a woman. Furthermore, I don't know how many times he slept with him. First he said once, then 3 times. Another time, he said he didn't remember how many times it was.

What should I do? I'm totally lost and have began to reconcile with him. Should I confront him with this new evidence? I'm also convinced that maybe he has been secretly contacting the escort at work or with a second phone. the communication between them came to a crashing stop when I confronted him. I just find that sort of odd. Any advice would be appreciated and thanks.
 

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Is there a reason you wouldn't confront him about this?

Get STD tested, btw. And demand that he get tested and show you the results.

Sorry you are here. Others will be along to help.
 

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Man, woman, tranny, whatever...your husband is a sneaky, lying cheater.

I find it sad that when you thought it was a woman, you said you would have had the 3-way to keep him from cheating. You should never compromise your values to keep a spouse faithful.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. You deserve much better and I sincerely hope you leave this relationship. It promises nothing but heartbreak.
 

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Sorry you are here, how devistating that would be, so sorry!

Confront you husband at the next availible quiet time, preferrably when the kids are asleep or gone. As hard as it will be do this calmly. You do not want to get the answer, "why did you hurt me so much by doing this?" as this usually escalades into shouting, and attacking eachother, but get to the "why is he subjecting himself in this type of activity?" Put the focus on him, becuase something has changed with your husband to be seeking this type of affection after 12 years.

Any history like this in the past?
 

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You could always arrange for a polygraph, and sneak in a surprise question like "Did the prostitute have a penis"... If that doesn't throw him, he should be a spy.

In any case, it seems like you have enough information to make a decision about being with him or not. What exactly are you two doing to try to recover? Counselling? Working through some books? Or has he just said sorry, here's my passwords, I won't do it again? After all, it takes about 30 seconds to set up a new email address you don't know about, and about as long for a new FB account. And prepaid phones are cheap and untraceable too.

C
 

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Definately get tested for stds. He probably performed oral on the escort.

Your husband has a dark side to him. You need to get to the bottom of it.
 

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Not that it matters to you at this point but I doubt that the other friend was involved. I find it hard to believe that two supposedly straight men all of a sudden decided to have an interest in double teaming a transsexual. How would that mutual interest even come up in conversation? I just don't see either one of them being willing to take that risk and put themselves "out there" like that. He probably engaged in this all by himself.
 

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That story of "it was friend's idea", it was a "3some" becasue you denied him is complete fabrication. I don't buy his friend know a thing.

This is huger than you think. He's having a love affair with a travestive hooker, for several months. It's probably the tip of the iceberg given he's hiding who really is. Your husband personality, all the past has to be put into question. Think about him as a ghost you don't know about.
Don't take his word at face value at all. Don't belive a thing unless it can be proven on your own.
Get your STD tests done yesterday. Talk to a lawyer, find out where you stand.

I'm so sorry. Demand a poly. Treaten, make, a forensic research. Find out how deep the rabbit hole is. Take the red pill.
 

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First off - he was cheating. Doesn't really matter with who - he cheated, and lied to you.

Secondly - He cheated with a transvestite. That is another problem that he and you will have to deal with.

Third - the transvestite was a hooker. Another problem.

Fourth - he cheated with a transvestite hooker, with a buddy of his. How do you have a threesome with a transvestite hooker? I am by no means homophobic, but I think there are some unresolved issues here that your husband has to deal with and explain to you.


Meanwhile, get yourself in to get tested for STDs. Definitely, you will have to discuss these new findings with him. You will have to make some decisions yourself once the shock of discovery wears off.
You have a lot to deal with - sorry for what you're going through.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Well I have made a little progress. I confronted him about everything on last night. As I expected, he lied about everything. First he said that he's sure it wasn't a tranny. Then he said that it was a tranny but only his friend had sex. I had to give him hard evidence and threaten to call her up before he came clean.

He finally admitted to everything. He claims that they didn't know originally that it was a tranny until she came to the room. They said that once they realized what he was, they were too far in and just decided to keep going. He admitted to getting oral and penetrating.

I just lost it. I didn't even want to hear anymore. He is still here for now but I have not decided what to do. He said that he was depressed and needed another outlet. He said that he wanted to try something new. I admit that he has been under stress at work but our home life has been great in my opinion. I really don't know what to do at this point but we are going to counseling. I am also getting tested for STDs on tomorrow.

As far as his best friend is concerned, I have not talked to him or his wife. I originally agreed not to but this was before I found out the real truth. I am tempted to get his side of the story because for all I know, they have probably been sleeping with each other!
 

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I agree that if your the friend was involved, he and your husband have probably been sexually involved for a while. And who knows what other activities they have been involved in.

If the friend was involved, his wife has to know about this because her health is at risk.
 
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