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Hi All - I expect a lot of the same responses from my other post about my Separation/Divorce situation - I have finally grew a backbone, cut all communication ties with her and just want a little more advice. Just to update since my last post a few months ago - my wife and I tried to reconcile and put a little effort in however, it eventually fell off. We have not physically seen each other since pre July 4th as we have both been back and fourth between the beach and vacations. She officially moved back into her parents however, she has lingered around the home (pre July 4th) . Around the end of June she came over and freaked out that I rearranged things in the house (to my liking, example toaster on the counter and moved a plant off the counter for it). She screamed that she put so much effort into the home decor and I am running it - I told her she doesn't even live here anymore, and her response it doesn't matter until papers are signed its still her home.. A few weeks ago she stayed her to feed her cats while I was at the beach for a weekend - she went through all of my stuff in my office, and sent me photos of things she didn't like (like a pair of underwear I bought a year ago to spice things up that I forgot I even had). Additionally she sent me a photo of a marriage certificate copy I ordered from the state since ours was never officially stamped (I did this as pre-prep for the possibility of divorce since she still talks to that guy from my previous posts). I was pissed she went through all my stuff, including my closets and sent me photos of stuff. After she did this- I just told her the truth and really started to pull away as I have no time for this back and fourth (the truth is I ordered as pre-prep since we didn't have a stamped one - our original copy was never sealed). Then this week, I went on vacation so she said she wanted to stay to watch the cats again, I just got home today and I noticed she rearranged all the stuff in the house back to her liking, did extensive cleaning (house was clean) and even moved our coffee station (why?) - but the one thing I noticed was she took our original marriage certificates, her social security cards and birth certificate out of our safe. This annoyed me as I no longer want her in the house, as I don't know what else she took. lastly, while I was gone she had her mom over here for a few hours for breakfast the one day and even let her little sister and her boyfriend hang out here for a few hours when no-one was home 'to see the cats' - she never told me they were coming and all of my stuff is in this house! I have not talked to anyone in her family for like over a month, so this came across as odd to me. Has anyone been in this situation before? Every time I tell her about something with the house, she throws it is her house to - so when I tell her I no longer want her here even when I am away she is going to start a war about it being her house to. SHE CHOSE TO MOVE BACK TO HER PARENTS HOUSE and leave the house. I don't want to change the locks, but how do I tell her she can't come here anymore? Am I even allowed to do that?
 

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change the locks any way , the rest will depend on divorce laws in your area and how long and what each paid in and xxx , I don't know how long divorce will take
 
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Hi All - I expect a lot of the same responses from my other post about my Separation/Divorce situation - I have finally grew a backbone, cut all communication ties with her and just want a little more advice. Just to update since my last post a few months ago - my wife and I tried to reconcile and put a little effort in however, it eventually fell off. We have not physically seen each other since pre July 4th as we have both been back and fourth between the beach and vacations. She officially moved back into her parents however, she has lingered around the home (pre July 4th) . Around the end of June she came over and freaked out that I rearranged things in the house (to my liking, example toaster on the counter and moved a plant off the counter for it). She screamed that she put so much effort into the home decor and I am running it - I told her she doesn't even live here anymore, and her response it doesn't matter until papers are signed its still her home.. A few weeks ago she stayed her to feed her cats while I was at the beach for a weekend - she went through all of my stuff in my office, and sent me photos of things she didn't like (like a pair of underwear I bought a year ago to spice things up that I forgot I even had). Additionally she sent me a photo of a marriage certificate copy I ordered from the state since ours was never officially stamped (I did this as pre-prep for the possibility of divorce since she still talks to that guy from my previous posts). I was pissed she went through all my stuff, including my closets and sent me photos of stuff. After she did this- I just told her the truth and really started to pull away as I have no time for this back and fourth (the truth is I ordered as pre-prep since we didn't have a stamped one - our original copy was never sealed). Then this week, I went on vacation so she said she wanted to stay to watch the cats again, I just got home today and I noticed she rearranged all the stuff in the house back to her liking, did extensive cleaning (house was clean) and even moved our coffee station (why?) - but the one thing I noticed was she took our original marriage certificates, her social security cards and birth certificate out of our safe. This annoyed me as I no longer want her in the house, as I don't know what else she took. lastly, while I was gone she had her mom over here for a few hours for breakfast the one day and even let her little sister and her boyfriend hang out here for a few hours when no-one was home 'to see the cats' - she never told me they were coming and all of my stuff is in this house! I have not talked to anyone in her family for like over a month, so this came across as odd to me. Has anyone been in this situation before? Every time I tell her about something with the house, she throws it is her house to - so when I tell her I no longer want her here even when I am away she is going to start a war about it being her house to. SHE CHOSE TO MOVE BACK TO HER PARENTS HOUSE and leave the house. I don't want to change the locks, but how do I tell her she can't come here anymore? Am I even allowed to do that?
Change the locks and if you are going out of town put any important documents where she cannot access them. When will the divorce be final?

Tell your lawyer about all of this too -- especially having people you do not want there in your home.
 

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If the genders were reversed, many might suggest a restraining order because what she’s doing is stalkerish behavior, honestly. Just because she’s a woman, who sounds unhinged by the way, doesn’t mean she won’t act out and hurt you. She sounds like she’s not taking your cold shoulder too well, so I echo getting the locks changed (if your attorney okays it). You don’t need to live afraid of her, or constantly dealing with her tantrums anymore. :rolleyes:
 

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Some of these posts hit so close to home for me.. like this one. My exH changed the locks on me when I was away (He was in CA and I was in FL at the time) and removed me from the lease claiming it was so I wasnt responsible for the rent, filed a restraining order twice (both were dropped) and I was not even around.. also not acting how the OPs wife is...

Whatever you do OP.. make sure it's done legally. I had to call the cops to make sure it was ok that I stepped foot into my own home just to be able to sleep until I could beg people for a place to live.
 

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Some of these posts hit so close to home for me.. like this one. My exH changed the locks on me when I was away (He was in CA and I was in FL at the time) and removed me from the lease claiming it was so I wasnt responsible for the rent, filed a restraining order twice (both were dropped) and I was not even around.. also not acting how the OPs wife is...

Whatever you do OP.. make sure it's done legally. I had to call the cops to make sure it was ok that I stepped foot into my own home just to be able to sleep until I could beg people for a place to live.
In your case, your ex husband sounds like he was the problem. :(

I agree that the OP should make sure everything he does in reaction to his wife is done legally. But he should ask what his options are.

It’s sad though that being married to someone can give them a license to do things we wouldn’t accept from strangers. :(
 

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In your case, your ex husband sounds like he was the problem. :(

I agree that the OP should make sure everything he does in reaction to his wife is done legally. But he should ask what his options are.

It’s sad though that being married to someone can give them a license to do things we wouldn’t accept from strangers. :(
It's taken me 3 years since my ordeal to finally tell myself it wasn't me.. today was the first time in a while I got sad over what happened when I came across this post about locks.

I agree with that 100%.. the OP needs to see what all of his options are. She may be upto no good coming around like that.

It truly is very sad how much we accept... or allow ourselves to accept while covering our eyes.
 

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It's taken me 3 years since my ordeal to finally tell myself it wasn't me.. today was the first time in a while I got sad over what happened when I came across this post about locks.

I agree with that 100%.. the OP needs to see what all of his options are. She may be upto no good coming around like that.

It truly is very sad how much we accept... or allow ourselves to accept while covering our eyes.
I’m in a good marriage but I dated a few horrible men before my husband, and to your point, I think what is difficult is that you loved this person at one point and he loved you. Your mind has moved on but the heart takes time, and I’m sorry you’ve been through such an ordeal. Love shouldn’t feel that way.
 

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Hi All - I expect a lot of the same responses from my other post about my Separation/Divorce situation - I have finally grew a backbone, cut all communication ties with her and just want a little more advice. Just to update since my last post a few months ago - my wife and I tried to reconcile and put a little effort in however, it eventually fell off. We have not physically seen each other since pre July 4th as we have both been back and fourth between the beach and vacations. She officially moved back into her parents however, she has lingered around the home (pre July 4th) . Around the end of June she came over and freaked out that I rearranged things in the house (to my liking, example toaster on the counter and moved a plant off the counter for it). She screamed that she put so much effort into the home decor and I am running it - I told her she doesn't even live here anymore, and her response it doesn't matter until papers are signed its still her home.. A few weeks ago she stayed her to feed her cats while I was at the beach for a weekend - she went through all of my stuff in my office, and sent me photos of things she didn't like (like a pair of underwear I bought a year ago to spice things up that I forgot I even had). Additionally she sent me a photo of a marriage certificate copy I ordered from the state since ours was never officially stamped (I did this as pre-prep for the possibility of divorce since she still talks to that guy from my previous posts). I was pissed she went through all my stuff, including my closets and sent me photos of stuff. After she did this- I just told her the truth and really started to pull away as I have no time for this back and fourth (the truth is I ordered as pre-prep since we didn't have a stamped one - our original copy was never sealed). Then this week, I went on vacation so she said she wanted to stay to watch the cats again, I just got home today and I noticed she rearranged all the stuff in the house back to her liking, did extensive cleaning (house was clean) and even moved our coffee station (why?) - but the one thing I noticed was she took our original marriage certificates, her social security cards and birth certificate out of our safe. This annoyed me as I no longer want her in the house, as I don't know what else she took. lastly, while I was gone she had her mom over here for a few hours for breakfast the one day and even let her little sister and her boyfriend hang out here for a few hours when no-one was home 'to see the cats' - she never told me they were coming and all of my stuff is in this house! I have not talked to anyone in her family for like over a month, so this came across as odd to me. Has anyone been in this situation before? Every time I tell her about something with the house, she throws it is her house to - so when I tell her I no longer want her here even when I am away she is going to start a war about it being her house to. SHE CHOSE TO MOVE BACK TO HER PARENTS HOUSE and leave the house. I don't want to change the locks, but how do I tell her she can't come here anymore? Am I even allowed to do that?
You surely have an attorney by now to ask about these things. It is still half her house isn't it? She's not living there so she was wrong to come and rearrange again but as far as I know it's still half her house just going by the law of averages.
 

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I’m in a good marriage but I dated a few horrible men before my husband, and to your point, I think what is difficult is that you loved this person at one point and he loved you. Your mind has moved on but the heart takes time, and I’m sorry you’ve been through such an ordeal. Love shouldn’t feel that way.
I was a mere "child" with low self-confidence and the rest of the self one should've had.. But now I know better. 😀

Love is loving yourself first.
 

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OP is asking questions that his lawyer should easily answer. I fear he hasn’t seen one, and he’s allowing his ex to manipulate and in my opinion, hoping she will come back to stay. Give her the darn cats and her stuff. If those cats are “your babies and you just can’t part with them”, then there’s not much left I can help you with.
 

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It will vary by locale, but when my friend separated last year, she still had full access to the house, which she then got 75% of since he's the one who should have moved and wasn't cooperating with anything. She didn't move by choice. She had to move because he wouldn't, to take a minor out of the house.
 

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Make sure you’re the one who files. Yes, you’ll have to pay the filing fee but you’ll also control the process. If you wait for her to file, she can dismiss it at any point and then you have to start over.
 
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