[RandomDude]

Heart breaker

Rd .

You could have them all . lol

Sure, but I lacked the confidence in childhood, and two girls I actually DID like. Example, my first infactuation, prior to my first gf, oh hell! I was so "in love" with her, and whenever she was in a room I was in a daze haha! I didn't have a clue of what to say to her, even hello! And the closer I got to her physically - the more intense my heart was beating! I was in love with her for a year and didn't say ONE word to her. Oh, another time, it was just puppy love but instead of asking her out, I did "recon" and found out she liked two things, so I got her those two things combined, not going to say what it is btw , and then she liked me straight away but THEN guess what I did?!

... I ignored her, and avoided her! :slap:

... regretted ever since, both those times, and along with saying those stupid things even earlier in my childhood with the other girls. But I guess I didn't regret it enough because I still made stupid decisions like that lady I pitched to when I was young and doing sales. Hell she was a perfect 10, face, hair, body... the hell was wrong with me? >.< So yeah, I advice people to get out of their comfort zones, to grab opportunities knowing that it wont knock twice, and saying this as a man with many regrets in my youth. Sometimes you may need a break to heal sure, but its worth working on.

Confidence is important not just in relationships but in work as well, I sure as hell wouldn't be able to do what I do today if I didn't get a kick up the butt in late 10s / early20s.

 

[RandomDude]

Speaking of puppy love, another thing I don't get with all this online dating stuff... like... the first time you felt butterflies - it was offline yes? Don't you like to experience it again?
I won't forget my first infactuation, the first girl I mentioned above, eyes were locked on each other, we couldn't tear ourselves away, felt like the whole world changed and there was no one else, just the two of us - but I did nothing >.< Still! Offline is so much more potentially romantic no?

Either than typing crap online and then having awkward first dates as the first contact. Besides, I doubt anyone was as bad as I was when I was young! Ack! Embarrassing!

 

[FeministInPink]

Speaking of puppy love, another thing I don't get with all this online dating stuff... like... the first time you felt butterflies - it was offline yes? Don't you like to experience it again?
I won't forget my first infactuation, the first girl I mentioned above, eyes were locked on each other, we couldn't tear ourselves away, felt like the whole world changed and there was no one else, just the two of us - but I did nothing >.< Still! Offline is so much more potentially romantic no?

Either than typing crap online and then having awkward first dates as the first contact. Besides, I doubt anyone was as bad as I was when I was young! Ack! Embarrassing!

Well, I'm a brainy chick, so I need someone who can engage my brain cells, too... and I'm a bookworm and a writer. The way a man uses words is important to me, so the OLD experience did help me identify men who are good with words. And yes, I can get butterflies from a man's writing, if he's good at it. Sometimes that carries over IRL, sometimes it doesn't. But if a man can't communicate with me--and on my level--in writing, he won't be able to IRL, either.

And, guys, yes... I know that I have issues I need to work through. I'm in that process. It's why they come up here. Because I'm trying to work through them IRL, so there on the forefront of my mind. I'm discovering and learning things about myself, and trying to understand why I do them, so that I can get to the root of the problem and change them. Sometimes, I get realizations just from typing out stuff on this thread.

 

[tripad]

Rd

I wonder what you have just said might describe the single dad neighbor who seems to have his eyes on me , eye lock n compliments n comforting me during my divorce . he asked me out but I couldn't during the divorce .


Then when I asked him out after my divorce , he said sure and did not ask me out . ?

I guess he may have someone already but it was just 4 months back when his eyes were on me .

I wonder now if he could be anything like you . he seems to be the silent thinker type , quiet , awkward when talking to me , yet sometimes turning on the heat on me telling me i look great .

Puzzling

 

[tripad]

FIP

I don't like to write lengthy stuff as i m tired after a long day .

Yup . there's a guy now who writes really length and philosophical stuff . I replied as the questions tickled me . but then , the lengthy mails continue n it turns into long mails of compliments on my reply n mushy " seeking for love , trust , blah blah " .

N I wonder how long more before I even meet to see if I have the hots for him . I need the brain to get turn on but I need to feel the chemistry to get turn on too .

 

[tripad]

He's either a scam or a real philosophical guy .

 

[FeministInPink]

FIP

I don't like to write lengthy stuff as i m tired after a long day .

Yup . there's a guy now who writes really length and philosophical stuff . I replied as the questions tickled me . but then , the lengthy mails continue n it turns into long mails of compliments on my reply n mushy " seeking for love , trust , blah blah " .

N I wonder how long more before I even meet to see if I have the hots for him . I need the brain to get turn on but I need to feel the chemistry to get turn on too .

This might throw up a warning flag for me. Too much mushy, too soon.

 

[tripad]

Yup

The last mushy guy turn out to be a scam asking for money because he had a " little trouble " in business .

 

[RandomDude]

Well, I'm a brainy chick, so I need someone who can engage my brain cells, too... and I'm a bookworm and a writer. The way a man uses words is important to me, so the OLD experience did help me identify men who are good with words. And yes, I can get butterflies from a man's writing, if he's good at it. Sometimes that carries over IRL, sometimes it doesn't. But if a man can't communicate with me--and on my level--in writing, he won't be able to IRL, either.

And, guys, yes... I know that I have issues I need to work through. I'm in that process. It's why they come up here. Because I'm trying to work through them IRL, so there on the forefront of my mind. I'm discovering and learning things about myself, and trying to understand why I do them, so that I can get to the root of the problem and change them. Sometimes, I get realizations just from typing out stuff on this thread.

But what if you meet him in person and he's nothing like that?

I found with my issues in childhood I just had to focus on the positive experiences... even though the "positive experiences" during childhood resulted in my own stupidity, it helped to remind me that I'm sexy hehe

Then I get bruised, like current date rejecting me for sex... bah! Still she called so... but I dunno, road trip is coming up, you reckon I should still go? Especially with potential cultural problems I described earlier?

Rd

I wonder what you have just said might describe the single dad neighbor who seems to have his eyes on me , eye lock n compliments n comforting me during my divorce . he asked me out but I couldn't during the divorce .


Then when I asked him out after my divorce , he said sure and did not ask me out . ?

I guess he may have someone already but it was just 4 months back when his eyes were on me .

I wonder now if he could be anything like you . he seems to be the silent thinker type , quiet , awkward when talking to me , yet sometimes turning on the heat on me telling me i look great .

Puzzling

Well, when I was an idiot (still am) I was around 15 at that time with that girl. Still, I bought the gift for and then ignored her later - I actually lost interest in her in a few months despite buying her the gift, so yeah...

When love feels unrequited, it dies. Just how it is, I can get over someone in weeks or even days. 4 months is a long time.

 

[tripad]

Rd

Then I have no choice . he's not mine .

I can't go out with him during my nasty divorce . I could end up being accused of adultery n lose custody of my children . I can't live with that .

 

[tripad]

Rd

If he had been through a divorce himself , he should know ? That i can't go out with him during my divorce .

N that it was a vulnerable time for me to get into a relationship ?

 

[RandomDude]

Where I live it's no-fault divorce so after seperation ex and I were pretty much dating after.

Regardless of his experience with divorce or his feelings towards you, the feelings must have died off and there's not really any point in pursuing it further. I regret not taking the next step with that girl in my teens as she got pretty depressed and confused after that, which wasn't very nice of me. Still, what's done is done. It's best to move on.

 

[tripad]

Yup . too bad .

He's cute .

But I m cute too , lol

 

[TooNice]

As much as I had good moments with online dating, and I do think it was right for me at the time, I feel free. I deleted all of my accounts last week - OkC, Match, even Tinder. Match still has a month left on my account, but I'm glad to be free of it. I feel like I reached a point where OLD was almost an addiction. I've been home all night - filled four garbage bags with clothes and shoes to get rid of, went grocery shopping, and made a lovely dinner. My phone has been silent all night. No e-mails, no text messages. And I am more than ok with that. It's pretty liberating!

 

[3Xnocharm]

As much as I had good moments with online dating, and I do think it was right for me at the time, I feel free. I deleted all of my accounts last week - OkC, Match, even Tinder. Match still has a month left on my account, but I'm glad to be free of it. I feel like I reached a point where OLD was almost an addiction. I've been home all night - filled four garbage bags with clothes and shoes to get rid of, went grocery shopping, and made a lovely dinner. My phone has been silent all night. No e-mails, no text messages. And I am more than ok with that. It's pretty liberating!

I agree, I felt a HUGE weight lifted when I got off the OLD sites!

 

[kingsfan]

Rd

I wonder what you have just said might describe the single dad neighbor who seems to have his eyes on me , eye lock n compliments n comforting me during my divorce . he asked me out but I couldn't during the divorce .


Then when I asked him out after my divorce , he said sure and did not ask me out . ?

I guess he may have someone already but it was just 4 months back when his eyes were on me .

I wonder now if he could be anything like you . he seems to be the silent thinker type , quiet , awkward when talking to me , yet sometimes turning on the heat on me telling me i look great .

Puzzling

So he asked you out, you said no, then you mention to him you're interested and then wait back for him to ask you again?

Some guys -myself included- would certainly look at that as once bitten, twice shy. It's embarrassing sometimes to get turned down, doubly so to get turned down twice by the same woman and I'd imagine it'd only be ramped up if that women lives right next door.

Maybe he's thinking you were just flirting or seeking attention and not serious. After all, you said yourself it's only been four months since his eyes were on you. Well maybe in his head he's thinking it's only been four months since you told him no.

Maybe it's your turn to ask. Ask him if that date is still on the table and if offer a time/day to go for a coffee or whatever.

Rd

Then I have no choice . he's not mine .

I can't go out with him during my nasty divorce . I could end up being accused of adultery n lose custody of my children . I can't live with that .

Where do you live? Should your ex have to prove you did something during the marriage, not after the split? Dating after separation isn't automatically considered adultery, especially if we are talking several months after separation, which I gather is the reality of your situation.

 

[tripad]

Rd

I wonder what you have just said might describe the single dad neighbor who seems to have his eyes on me , eye lock n compliments n comforting me during my divorce . he asked me out but I couldn't during the divorce .


Then when I asked him out after my divorce , he said sure and did not ask me out . ?

I guess he may have someone already but it was just 4 months back when his eyes were on me .

I wonder now if he could be anything like you . he seems to be the silent thinker type , quiet , awkward when talking to me , yet sometimes turning on the heat on me telling me i look great .

Puzzling

So he asked you out, you said no, then you mention to him you're interested and then wait back for him to ask you again?

Some guys -myself included- would certainly look at that as once bitten, twice shy. It's embarrassing sometimes to get turned down, doubly so to get turned down twice by the same woman and I'd imagine it'd only be ramped up if that women lives right next door.

Maybe he's thinking you were just flirting or seeking attention and not serious. After all, you said yourself it's only been four months since his eyes were on you. Well maybe in his head he's thinking it's only been four months since you told him no.

Maybe it's your turn to ask. Ask him if that date is still on the table and if offer a time/day to go for a coffee or whatever.

Rd

Then I have no choice . he's not mine .

I can't go out with him during my nasty divorce . I could end up being accused of adultery n lose custody of my children . I can't live with that .

Where do you live? Should your ex have to prove you did something during the marriage, not after the split? Dating after separation isn't automatically considered adultery, especially if we are talking several months after separation, which I gather is the reality of your situation.

He asked twice . I didnt say no . I didnt say yes . I just said " oh , how do you play that game " and " can you play that game well ? " n his invite was re directed .

He looked puzzled after that .

Later , i didnt just show my interest n wait for him to ask . I was fair n i asked him for coffee . Of which he said " sure when i am back in town" but he didnt ask when he's back . So i take that as not keen . He travels a lot .

I am sure he knows i was not flirting . I was in pretty bad shape , depressed n crying a lot . I cried to him for 2 hours once , the very first time he asked me out upon knowing abt my divorce . After that i decided not to do thst anymore .

Should i ask again ?? ( horrified look on face ) ???

Yes it is several months after separation but i was afraid i am accused of adultery n lose custody . Divorce was nasty . Not sure about legalities . Anyhow i was depressed n sad n angry n bitter then , not the best time to be anyone's gf n grumble n complain the whole time . It probably wont last even if it had started , i figure his ears will be burnt out .

 

[FeministInPink]

tripad, if you're concerned about the legalities, consult a lawyer.

If the lawyer gives you the "go ahead," then proceed. At this point, @kingsfan is right--you have to be the one to stick your neck out here, since he already did before and you turned him down.

Screw up your courage, go up to him and say, "When you asked me out X number of months ago, I was interested, but I wasn't ready for anything, and I knew it wouldn't be good for either of us, so I deflected your advances. But I was definitely interested at the time, and I still am, and I'm in a much better place than I was X number of months ago. So, if the offer still stands, I would love to go out with you sometime."

 

[tripad]

tripad, if you're concerned about the legalities, consult a lawyer.

If the lawyer gives you the "go ahead," then proceed. At this point, @kingsfan is right--you have to be the one to stick your neck out here, since he already did before and you turned him down.

Screw up your courage, go up to him and say, "When you asked me out X number of months ago, I was interested, but I wasn't ready for anything, and I knew it wouldn't be good for either of us, so I deflected your advances. But I was definitely interested at the time, and I still am, and I'm in a much better place than I was X number of months ago. So, if the offer still stands, I would love to go out with you sometime."

No need to check on legalities now . Divorce is finalized many months back .

Yes i am in a much better place . I read somewhere that when you can talk about what happened without crying over it means you are over it . So i am over it .

But

Fip

I dont have the courage to say what you said .

I just text him some months back that we can have coffee to catch up.

He said sure but he didnt fix a date .

N i left it at that .

 

[tripad]

Oh i mention let me know when you're back then .

He didnt

From man's point of view , it's lost cause or am i supposed to follow up n go hey when is coffee date man .