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Lol!

Hell I cant really say ive have alot of bad first dates, but then again im strictly offline so :p

why not work on that? Confidence that is, maybe it will up the bar in terms of quality dates
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Lol!

Hell I cant really say ive have alot of bad first dates, but then again im strictly offline so :p

why not work on that? Confidence that is, maybe it will up the bar in terms of quality dates
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I've had a mix of online and offline - right now strictly offline due to the above. :p That said, there have been some good ones too.

I think the problem is I can hold my liquor, but for a lot of people, the moment after that second drink is when the date suddenly veers into "TMI" time.
 

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Heh I dunno if its just the alcohol, then again I dont have much onlune xp n most have been bad.

Too many weirdos to go through to find a decent human being, whereas with offline, gut feelings straight away to help u filter them out. They cant hide hehe :p
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I've never had someone stand me up; the problem is they do show up and say crazy $hit like the following:

"I'm in recovery from being in a cult."

"I really miss my neighbor. I use to have threesomes with her and her husband."

"You have pets? I'm allergic to pets. Would you ever give them away?"

"Damn girl, those tight pants you're wearing had me rock hard all through dinner."

"My usual type is someone younger." (Said by a guy ten years older than me.)

Actual quotes from first dates I've been on. ::facepalm::
Wow. Experiences like these would make me never want to date again.

I agree, why is it so hard to find someone non-crazy to clean the pipes with? Sometimes, I think I would rather NOT have a relationship, if I could otherwise get a steady supply of monogamous sex.
 

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I've never had someone stand me up; the problem is they do show up and say crazy $hit like the following:

"I'm in recovery from being in a cult."

"I really miss my neighbor. I use to have threesomes with her and her husband."

"You have pets? I'm allergic to pets. Would you ever give them away?"

"Damn girl, those tight pants you're wearing had me rock hard all through dinner."

"My usual type is someone younger." (Said by a guy ten years older than me.)

Actual quotes from first dates I've been on. ::facepalm::
Reading this post (and to a larger degree this thread) makes me content to overlook my wife's shortcomings!

I can't believe any of those things were said. I wouldn't even say those things to a friend in jest... Well maybe to a friend in jest, but certainly not to a lady who was interested enough in me to want to have dinner.

Just...wow.

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RD, you know I have no idea what the fvck I'm doing when it comes to men, lol :)
Sure but you can work on that :)

It's just comfort zones, sometimes you just have to challenge yourself to achieve something better.

I guess with my industry I'm required to make new acquaintances and build rapport quickly so I'm used to it but it wasn't always that way. I'm introverted by nature and shy throughout my life too.

Besides it's not like you are approaching them :p
Just maintain eye contact and smile, maybe flutter and give them butterflies hehe, chances are, the guy will be more scared of approaching you than you are of smiling at him lol

Edit: Oh btw, if you do that, it will also lead you to figure out how hot he reckons of you :)

For example, when a lady flutters at me:
A woman that I don't find attractive -> I will look away, ignore her existence, play dumb and hope she gets the message lest I get sexually harassed
A woman that I find attractive -> I will maintain eye contact, smile, maybe I will look around to make sure I'm the one in her sights lol - especially if I find her real hot! (Dead giveaway)

Wouldn't you like to know? ;)
 

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I've never had someone stand me up; the problem is they do show up and say crazy $hit like the following:

"I'm in recovery from being in a cult."

"I really miss my neighbor. I use to have threesomes with her and her husband."

"You have pets? I'm allergic to pets. Would you ever give them away?"

"Damn girl, those tight pants you're wearing had me rock hard all through dinner."

"My usual type is someone younger." (Said by a guy ten years older than me.)

Actual quotes from first dates I've been on. ::facepalm::
Anddddd now I'm fine with going without a date for a while again. Maybe I'll just bookmark that post for whenever I feel week and want to open up a POF account.
 

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Sure but you can work on that :)

It's just comfort zones, sometimes you just have to challenge yourself to achieve something better.

I guess with my industry I'm required to make new acquaintances and build rapport quickly so I'm used to it but it wasn't always that way. I'm introverted by nature and shy throughout my life too.

Besides it's not like you are approaching them :p
Just maintain eye contact and smile, maybe flutter and give them butterflies hehe, chances are, the guy will be more scared of approaching you than you are of smiling at him lol

Edit: Oh btw, if you do that, it will also lead you to figure out how hot he reckons of you :)

For example, when a lady flutters at me:
A woman that I don't find attractive -> I will look away, ignore her existence, play dumb and hope she gets the message lest I get sexually harassed
A woman that I find attractive -> I will maintain eye contact, smile, maybe I will look around to make sure I'm the one in her sights lol - especially if I find her real hot! (Dead giveaway)

Wouldn't you like to know? ;)
See, now this is where I go wrong. I am *SO* self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.

You guys have heard me talk about my mom before. I've internalized so much of her bullsh!t (and stiff from my XH) that even the thought of making eye contact leaves me paralyzed with fear.

It's absurd. I had no problem approaching and hitting on guys when I was in college. But now that I say that, I realize that in college, 1) alcohol was involved, and 2) I already knew the guys from class or activities, so I already had a gauge on how interested they might be. I was also several dress sizes smaller in college, so that certainly helped my self-esteem. I wasn't the smallest girl in the world, but I had a good figure.
 

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And I have no idea how to flutter.
I confess I have no idea what RD means when he talks about this flutter thing. I just keep picturing women suddenly sprouting butterfly wings and hovering there until you buffet them out of your way.

I don't believe I've ever seen any woman do this, unless he means the simpering idiot behaviour where they get all giggly and coy. I personally do not want anything to do with such a woman. Give me someone intelligent and confident, whom I can take seriously. Not someone acting like having just met Justin Bieber is the greatest thing that could ever happen to them.
 

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I confess I have no idea what RD means when he talks about this flutter thing. I just keep picturing women suddenly sprouting butterfly wings and hovering there until you buffet them out of your way.

I don't believe I've ever seen any woman do this, unless he means the simpering idiot behaviour where they get all giggly and coy. I personally do not want anything to do with such a woman. Give me someone intelligent and confident, whom I can take seriously. Not someone acting like having just met Justin Bieber is the greatest thing that could ever happen to them.
For some reason, I think he's talking about batting eyelashes, which I can't do, and strikes me as looking ridiculous anyway.
 

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"I'm in recovery from being in a cult."

"I really miss my neighbor. I use to have threesomes with her and her husband."

"You have pets? I'm allergic to pets. Would you ever give them away?"

"Damn girl, those tight pants you're wearing had me rock hard all through dinner."

"My usual type is someone younger." (Said by a guy ten years older than me.)

Actual quotes from first dates I've been on. ::facepalm::
These are funny!! wow... The worst Ive heard was " I thought you'd be taller"


See, now this is where I go wrong. I am *SO* self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.

You guys have heard me talk about my mom before. I've internalized so much of her bullsh!t (and stiff from my XH) that even the thought of making eye contact leaves me paralyzed with fear.
.
I am the same FiP. I have never approached men, never. I am so outgoing and charming when I do not find the men attractive, but if I find them slightly attractive, I act like a total stuck up b!tch....
 

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Aye, fluttering of eyelashes, it doesnt have to be like *blink* *blink* *blink*, yeah that's funny. But a short blink with eye contact and smile, 'tis cute :)

See, now this is where I go wrong. I am *SO* self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.
>.<!

Clear red light signal there :(

I am the same FiP. I have never approached men, never. I am so outgoing and charming when I do not find the men attractive, but if I find them slightly attractive, I act like a total stuck up b!tch....
Well that's a signal I can identify, a behavioral change. E.G. I can tell when a lady is interested when I walk in the room and her posture changes hehe :p

'Tis cute!
 

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See, now this is where I go wrong. I am *SO* self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.
>.<!

Clear red light signal there :(
I know. Paralyzed with fear :(

I think it's partially a defense mechanism. My mother had me completely convinced that no one would want me, combined with the torturous bullying and teasing I received from grade school classmates when they learned I had a crush on a certain boy, all of which taught me that I should never reveal it in the slightest--even through simple eye contact--if I found someone attractive, because 1) it would never be reciprocal, and 2) I would be mocked and tortured for daring to think that someone else might be attracted back. Combine that with the more recent emotional trauma of my failed marriage...

Logically and rationally, I know that's ridiculous. But that doesn't make it any easier to make eye contact or flirt.
 

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I had a similar childhood, kids always teased me whenever I liked a girl, especially a non-Asian girl, and it didn't help that I'm Asian and culturally in Western society we are seen as "inferior" in attractiveness. Despite the teasing and mocking however, I had plenty of girls developing a crush on me during childhood thanks to my pretty face, but even though they were the ones who asked me out or told me straight up that they like me, I didn't know how to respond as thanks to the racist culture I saw myself as "Asian" and "not attractive". I still remember one Aussie girl was flirting blatantly and her friend said "she likes you", and then the girl said "don't tell him our secret!", and I responded... "errr.. so?" :rofl: She never talked to me again.

Another time a Kiwi girl asked me if I had a girlfriend in class, I said "no", and then she goes "I'll go out with you", and then I went "errrr... you're joking" lol, and I'll never forget the look on her face, she just looked down all depressed and mumbled beneath her voice "I was so... serious", and like the other girl, never talked to me again haha. So come on - I bet you never made a fool of yourself like that FIP!!! :p

It wasn't until I was 16 that I gained confidence with my first girlfriend who was European, and at 5'11 I'm already taller than average Aussies which helped with the confidence. I never started to stick up for my race or other non-Anglo races until my second girlfriend who was a very beautiful Aboriginal girl, and the mates I grew up with teased me saying "does she have flies out of her p----" "what are you doing with an ab-" etc etc. I was never taught the importance of race in the culture until then.

But despite having dated great women, I was still shy! Until I came out of the streets to legit life, and only job I could get that paid well without experience or qualifications was sales. So I took it, and that pushed me past my comfort zone, to approach people and charm them. I hate sales personally but the experience was excellent. Especially one absolutely stunning lady that I pitched to, and the look of disappointment on her face when she realised I wasn't interested in her either than closing a sale... I've never forgotten that, and that inspired me to never miss an opportunity like that again. So after I got over all the hangups and self-consciousness, it meant I could pick up whenever I saw fit. Hence offline dating and picking up lady's numbers the old school way, I'm like that now sure but - it was not always so.

BTW: After she learnt I was only talking to her to get her CC details and not her phone number - she didn't buy :mad: Bah!

I've been there FIP, that's just what I'm saying, and I see you need healing too, and to push yourself past your comfort zone because the rewards - I wouldn't have it any other way. All the women I date I always find attractive by my scale of 8+/10 (bear in mind too that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I found an aboriginal woman - culturally deemed unattractive - to be very attractive for instance), and none of them have been all that bad, even ex-wife.
 

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Sheez now the memories are coming back... reminds me of another time in class another Aussie girl asked me out, she was pretty too, but when I turned her down she asked "do you like girls" and I didn't reply, just ignored her. And then her b-tch of a best friend went around the class telling everyone that I'm gay -.- lol

Speaking of which, I've never had a relationship with an Anglo girl, makes me wonder why I'm even bothering wasting my time with my current date, who's as true blue as you can get. Still, I never got the racist vibe from her, unlike others, like not too long ago after seperation an Aussie woman was flirting with me heavily and even though I wasn't interested I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I was just playing along planning to disappear shortly. Then she blurted out "you know what turns me so much about you? You're an Asian guy with balls" -.- I turned around and told her to get fked! I just don't tolerate that racist crap, so there went the gentleman in me, then again I wouldn't call her a lady... racist b-tch that she was pffft!

Think I made a bad decision dating this current Anglo girl, and after the 2nd date I guess she's not interested in FWBs so what the heck am I doing going on a road trip with her? Bah! Might cancel actually, even if she's fine by herself I don't think I want to deal with her family or friends who are pre-dominantly Anglo as well. Meh
 

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And I have no idea how to flutter.
I confess I have no idea what RD means when he talks about this flutter thing. I just keep picturing women suddenly sprouting butterfly wings and hovering there until you buffet them out of your way.

I don't believe I've ever seen any woman do this, unless he means the simpering idiot behaviour where they get all giggly and coy. I personally do not want anything to do with such a woman. Give me someone intelligent and confident, whom I can take seriously. Not someone acting like having just met Justin Bieber is the greatest thing that could ever happen to them.

Lol

I was just wondering if I need to learn how to flutter .

I don't really flutter .
 

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See, now this is where I go wrong. I am *SO* self conscious around men whom I find attractive, that I do the thing you've stated (which I marked in bold), which would indicate that I DON'T find them attractive. And I have no idea how to flutter.
>.<!

Clear red light signal there
I know. Paralyzed with fear


I think it's partially a defense mechanism. My mother had me completely convinced that no one would want me, combined with the torturous bullying and teasing I received from grade school classmates when they learned I had a crush on a certain boy, all of which taught me that I should never reveal it in the slightest--even through simple eye contact--if I found someone attractive, because 1) it would never be reciprocal, and 2) I would be mocked and tortured for daring to think that someone else might be attracted back. Combine that with the more recent emotional trauma of my failed marriage...

Logically and rationally, I know that's ridiculous. But that doesn't make it any easier to make eye contact or flirt.
FIP

All of us need to heal n get pass the past . To move on .

I grew up in rough n tough environment but thank goodness I didn't suffer any bullying as I was always vocal n would back instantly .

But inside me , the feeling of not being good enough in whatever I do is always there , even though I am told i am good in what I do . I try to convince myself inside my head that I am good . n move on . all the time .

If I get someone cute staring at me in the supermarket next time , I am determine to flutter , just a little , as I don't usually flutter ?

N go over n pick him up . oh god , send him my way.
 

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I had a similar childhood, kids always teased me whenever I liked a girl, especially a non-Asian girl, and it didn't help that I'm Asian and culturally in Western society we are seen as "inferior" in attractiveness. Despite the teasing and mocking however, I had plenty of girls developing a crush on me during childhood thanks to my pretty face, but even though they were the ones who asked me out or told me straight up that they like me, I didn't know how to respond as thanks to the racist culture I saw myself as "Asian" and "not attractive". I still remember one Aussie girl was flirting blatantly and her friend said "she likes you", and then the girl said "don't tell him our secret!", and I responded... "errr.. so?"
She never talked to me again.

Another time a Kiwi girl asked me if I had a girlfriend in class, I said "no", and then she goes "I'll go out with you", and then I went "errrr... you're joking" lol, and I'll never forget the look on her face, she just looked down all depressed and mumbled beneath her voice "I was so... serious", and like the other girl, never talked to me again haha. So come on - I bet you never made a fool of yourself like that FIP!!!


It wasn't until I was 16 that I gained confidence with my first girlfriend who was European, and at 5'11 I'm already taller than average Aussies which helped with the confidence. I never started to stick up for my race or other non-Anglo races until my second girlfriend who was a very beautiful Aboriginal girl, and the mates I grew up with teased me saying "does she have flies out of her p----" "what are you doing with an ab-" etc etc. I was never taught the importance of race in the culture until then.

But despite having dated great women, I was still shy! Until I came out of the streets to legit life, and only job I could get that paid well without experience or qualifications was sales. So I took it, and that pushed me past my comfort zone, to approach people and charm them. I hate sales personally but the experience was excellent. Especially one absolutely stunning lady that I pitched to, and the look of disappointment on her face when she realised I wasn't interested in her either than closing a sale... I've never forgotten that, and that inspired me to never miss an opportunity like that again. So after I got over all the hangups and self-consciousness, it meant I could pick up whenever I saw fit. Hence offline dating and picking up lady's numbers the old school way, I'm like that now sure but - it was not always so.

BTW: After she learnt I was only talking to her to get her CC details and not her phone number - she didn't buy
Bah!

I've been there FIP, that's just what I'm saying, and I see you need healing too, and to push yourself past your comfort zone because the rewards - I wouldn't have it any other way. All the women I date I always find attractive by my scale of 8+/10 (bear in mind too that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I found an aboriginal woman - culturally deemed unattractive - to be very attractive for instance), and none of them have been all that bad, even ex-wife.

Heart breaker

Rd .

You could have them all . lol
 
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