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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
This is a continuation of the original Singles of TAM thread, which is now 2300+ pages.

If you want to see where we left off or figure what the heck any of us are talking about, you can read the old thread here.

Please do not post any responses in the old thread--please post them here instead.

I'm going to roll call people who posted to the old Singles thread recently to help them find this new one: @Bananapeel @ne9907 @3Xnocharm @anewstart60 @GuyInColorado @TooNice @RandomDude @vi_bride04 @Absurdist @Herschel @Haiku @Hopeful Cynic @Satya @bkyln309 @tripad @Hope Shimmers @*Deidre* @sosotte @wantshelp @moco82 @EleGirl @Ynot

ETA: For anyone NEW to the Singles thread, you can post anything about your experiences as a newly single person, ask questions or advice, or respond to any of the other folks on the thread. We're a friendly bunch, and we welcome everyone, even people who aren't single, but just want to hang out with the coolest people of TAM.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
So... it actually ended up being a pretty easy conversation! He said that he absolutely understood, and that I should never feel bad for leaving to just take care of me stuff. He loves having me around, but he doesn't want to keep me from doing what I need to do to live my life. He said he was surprised that I've spent the entire weekend--especially with the two three-day weekends we just had--but he figured if I had stuff I needed to do, that I would leave. We've agreed that, unless we make explicit plans otherwise, I'll leave by 2 pm or so on Sunday, or if we want to do something on Sunday, I'll take Saturday afternoon for myself. And if I need more than that, I'll take it.

He is so understanding, and kind, and exceptional... where did he come from? How did his crazy XW give this guy up??? He's just... amazing.
FIP, this is just awesome. I am so happy for you.

@TooNice Thanks! I will admit, part of my conditioned, reptilian brain is like, "What? You don't want me here all the time? Are your affections waning? Do you not like me as much as you did before? Why are you not being selfish, jealous, and controlling? You should want me with you ALL THE TIME!!!"

And I have to say, "Reptilian brain, that is just stinkin thinkin! That is your fear of abandonment talking. If he DID want that, he would be an abusive, manipulative, *******, and you don't want that. Remember, what you have in front of you is an example of a HEALTHY relationship. He wants you to take time for yourself and be independent. He is not abandoning you. He is not leaving you. He just wants to support you. This is GOOD. This is OK." And then make soothing sounds, whatever sounds a reptile finds soothing.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
What about the "want to be singles"?

Or the "want to act single while marrieds"?
All are welcome. However, I can't promise that they won't get the smackdown if they start talking about cheating or whatnot. We're an opinionated group.

But we have married folks pop in from time to time and comment in the discussion.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Woo hoo! made it to the new thread

FIP: Glad Real Estate was understanding.
Me, too! I don't know why I was worried... I guess there is still a lot of conditioning left over from my former marriage and/or FOO buried deep in there.
 

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@TooNice Thanks! I will admit, part of my conditioned, reptilian brain is like, "What? You don't want me here all the time? Are your affections waning? Do you not like me as much as you did before? Why are you not being selfish, jealous, and controlling? You should want me with you ALL THE TIME!!!"

And I have to say, "Reptilian brain, that is just stinkin thinkin! That is your fear of abandonment talking. If he DID want that, he would be an abusive, manipulative, *******, and you don't want that. Remember, what you have in front of you is an example of a HEALTHY relationship. He wants you to take time for yourself and be independent. He is not abandoning you. He is not leaving you. He just wants to support you. This is GOOD. This is OK." And then make soothing sounds, whatever sounds a reptile finds soothing.
Bahaha! This made me laugh. The guy I am seeing messaged me very late a couple of nights ago. He had been very bothered about something and wanted to clear the air. We were having dinner the other night (um, dinner he made for me, btw. At my house. Brought all the ingredients and took over my kitchen. <swoon>).

Anyway, we were just chatting about family and such, and I asked if he had told his family about me yet. He said no, and conversation moved on. Turns out, he started to feel badly, thinking that I would feel minimized or slighted by the fact that he hasn't mentioned me. And it bothered him enough to clear the air. I assured him that I only asked because I was curious and goodness, no... I didn't feel put out in the least. I'm a big girl. THAT won't be a thing that bothers me. Especially with a substantial age gap, let's take some time and figure this out before we start making a big deal about bringing people home to meet the family. I try to tell men that I am pretty low-maintenance. One of these days I'll get one of them to be honest enough with me to realize that I actually mean it. ;) Maybe it's this one, maybe not. But I still like that I am not running for cover, searching for reasons why I shouldn't hang out for a bit and see what happens. He's sweet, kind and honest. I want to let that be enough for now.
 

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All are welcome. However, I can't promise that they won't get the smackdown if they start talking about cheating or whatnot. We're an opinionated group.

But we have married folks pop in from time to time and comment in the discussion.
Agreed. And as we all know, there are stages to this process that we all go through. Are you "wanting to be single" and cheating on a spouse? Are your possessions divided, divorce papers filed and you're all moved out and in a new place by yourself? Circumstances matter to some. To others, until the gavel falls, you're still married.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Bahaha! This made me laugh. The guy I am seeing messaged me very late a couple of nights ago. He had been very bothered about something and wanted to clear the air. We were having dinner the other night (um, dinner he made for me, btw. At my house. Brought all the ingredients and took over my kitchen. <swoon>).

Anyway, we were just chatting about family and such, and I asked if he had told his family about me yet. He said no, and conversation moved on. Turns out, he started to feel badly, thinking that I would feel minimized or slighted by the fact that he hasn't mentioned me. And it bothered him enough to clear the air. I assured him that I only asked because I was curious and goodness, no... I didn't feel put out in the least. I'm a big girl. THAT won't be a thing that bothers me. Especially with a substantial age gap, let's take some time and figure this out before we start making a big deal about bringing people home to meet the family. I try to tell men that I am pretty low-maintenance. One of these days I'll get one of them to be honest enough with me to realize that I actually mean it. ;) Maybe it's this one, maybe not. But I still like that I am not running for cover, searching for reasons why I shouldn't hang out for a bit and see what happens. He's sweet, kind and honest. I want to let that be enough for now.
This is the younger guy, right? At some point, if a guy is keeping you a secret from his friends and family (because maybe he has another girlfriend), then that's a problem. But if he's just waiting until things get more serious, or he's just very private, that's different. I know by this point, Real Estate's friends and [some] of his family are aware of my existence, but I've only met one or two friends. And I know I won't meet family unless he wants to make a serious commitment. I'm not a secret, he's just a very private person.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Agreed. And as we all know, there are stages to this process that we all go through. Are you "wanting to be single" and cheating on a spouse? Are your possessions divided, divorce papers filed and you're all moved out and in a new place by yourself? Circumstances matter to some. To others, until the gavel falls, you're still married.
We've had people at this stage participate in the group. Most of the time, they realize they are NOT ready/single yet, but we celebrate the finalization of their divorce with them anyway :)
 

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This is the younger guy, right? At some point, if a guy is keeping you a secret from his friends and family (because maybe he has another girlfriend), then that's a problem. But if he's just waiting until things get more serious, or he's just very private, that's different. I know by this point, Real Estate's friends and [some] of his family are aware of my existence, but I've only met one or two friends. And I know I won't meet family unless he wants to make a serious commitment. I'm not a secret, he's just a very private person.
Sounds like my guy and RE may have a common thread.

Yes, he's 30. He is not keeping me a secret - he has actually told some of his friends about me, including my age. He's very private with his family, however. As a general rule, he does not bring any girlfriends home to meet them. It's just the relationship he has with them; he does not have a comfort level to bring most women home. He's already told me that should we progress, I will meet his friends first. He's also said that cares a great deal more about the opinions of his friends, so meeting them is more important to him than meeting his family. That does not bother me at all.
 

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This is a continuation of the original Singles of TAM thread, which is now 2300+ pages.

If you want to see where we left off or figure what the heck any of us are talking about, you can read the old thread here.

Please do not post any responses in the old thread--please post them here instead.
I closed the old thread so that no one can post there. I also included a link to this thread.

Happy posting y'all. >:)
 

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*sniff*

Hmmm, "new thread smell"! I like! :)

In other news, my metabolism has slowed down now, I'm putting on alot of weight, which is great as I've become more sexai! :D BUT! Fat is starting to accumulate on my belly :(

My belt jumped 6 inches too, I'm getting fat :( *does sit ups*
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I closed the old thread so that no one can post there. I also included a link to this thread.

Happy posting y'all. >:)
Thank you, Ele. I thought about asking to close it, but I didn't know if I could, since I didn't start the original thread.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
*sniff*

Hmmm, "new thread smell"! I like! :)

In other news, my metabolism has slowed down now, I'm putting on alot of weight, which is great as I've become more sexai! :D BUT! Fat is starting to accumulate on my belly :(

My belt jumped 6 inches too, I'm getting fat :( *does sit ups*
It's fancy, right? I figure I'll create a new one again, once this one reaches 1000 pages.

RD--how quickly did you gain this weight? 6 inches on your belt is quite a bit, especially if it was over a short amount of time. Has your activity level and/or your diet changed significantly in recent months?

I ask because the natural slow-down in metabolism usually results in a very gradual weight gain. From what I've read, and this applies to women, but I imagine it would be slightly similar for men, changing hormones and a slower metabolism should only result in an approximate weight gain of 25# over a DECADE.

I'm thinking you gained way too much weight, way too fast, and I think you should go see a doctor.
 

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I didn't participate much in the other thread. Moved so fast I couldn't keep up lol. Maybe this one will pace better :). Love being single
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I didn't participate much in the other thread. Moved so fast I couldn't keep up lol. Maybe this one will pace better :). Love being single
Sometimes it move super fast, and sometimes it's quiet for a few days. I hope you'll participate!
 
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